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H istoKY 

UNITED 
ST^ES 






Copyright 1894 

By J. B. LiPPlNCOTT COMPAWY 



Copyright 1906 
By Thompson & Thomas 



By transfer 
U. S. Soldiers Home Lib. 

MAR 5- 1940 



ElEQAX Phixxi.ng House 

PBIXTERS and BIXDER3 
''HICAOO 



:> 1 \ 




W v/ 



m&.o 




PREFACE 



Facts in a nude stat' 
are not liable crimi lally, 
any more than brig-ht and 
beautiful children commit 
a felony by being born 
thus : but it is the solemn 
duty of those having these 
children in charge to put 
appropriate, healthful, and 
even attractive apparel 
upon them at the earliest 
possible moment. 

It is thus with facts. 
They are the framework 
of history, not the dra- 

$ 



6 PREFACE. 

peiy. 1 hey are like the cold, hard, dishevelled, 
damp, and uncomfortable body under the knife 
of the demonstrator, not the bright and bounding 
boy, clothed in graceful garments and filled to 
every tingling capillary with a soul. 

We, each of us, the artist and the author, re- 
spect facts. We have never, either of us. said 
an unkind word regarding facts. But we believe 
that they should not be placed before the public 
exactly as they were born. We want to see them 
embellished and beautified. That is why this his- 
tory is written. 

Certain facts have come into the possession of 
the artist and author of this book regarding the 
history of the Republic down to the present day. 
We find, upon looking over the records and docu- 
ments on file In the various archives of state and 
nation, that they are absolutely beyond question, 
and it is our object to give these truthfully. 
These rough and untidy, but impregnable truths, 
dressed in the sweet persuasive language of the 
author, and fluted, embossed, embroidered, and 
embellished by the skilful hand of the artist, are 
now before you. 

History is but the record of the public and 



PREFACE. 7 

official acts of human beings. It Is our object, 
therefore, to humanize our history and deal with 
people past and present ; people who ate and pos- 
sibly drank ; people who were born, flourished, 
and died ; not grave tragedians, posing perpet- 
ually for their photographs. 

If we succeed in this way, and administer his- 
torical truth in the smooth capsule of the cartoon- 
ist and the commentator, we are content. If not, 
we know whose fault it will be, but will not get 
mad and swear about it. 

Bill Nye. 

Fred'k B. Opper. 







CHAPTER I. PAOB 

The Discovery or Amekica ^3 



CHAPTER II. 
Other Discox'ERIEs — Wet and Dry . . . 



»3 



CHAPTER III. 
The Thirteen Orioinal Coionies 3^ 

CHAPTER IV. 
The Plymouth Colony 47 

CHAPTER V. 
Drawbacks of being a Colonist 5$ 



lO CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER VI. PA6. 

The Episode of the Charter Oak 62 

CHAPTER VII. 
The Discovery of New York 72 

CHAPTER VIII, 
The Dutch at New Amsterdam 82 

CHAPTER IX. 
Bettlement of the Middle States 92 

CHAPTER X. 
The Earjy Aristocracy 102 

CHAPTER XI. 
intercolonial and Indian Wars no 

CHAPTER XII. 
Personality of Washington 124 

CHAPTER XIII. 
Contrasts with the Present Day ijt 

CHAPTER XIV. 
The Revolutionary War 142 

CHAPTER XV. 
Benjamin Franklin, LL.D., PhG,, F.R.S., etc 152 

CHAPTER XVI. 
The Critical Period 160 

CHAPTER XVII. 
The Beginning of the End 170 



CONTENTS. 1 1 

CHAPTER XVIII. PAGB 

The Close of the Revolution i8i 

CHAPTER XIX. 
The First President 191 

CHAPTER XX. 
The War with Canada 203 

CHAPTER XXI. 
The Advance of the Republic 21S 

CHAPTER XXII. 
More Difficulties Straightened uut 2X2 

CHAPTER XXIII. 
The Websters 233 

CHAPTER XXIV. 
Befo' the Wah — Causes which Led to it — Masterly Grasp 

OF the Subject shown by the Author 243 

CHAPTER XXV. 
Bull Run and Other Battles 252 

CHAPTER XXVI. 
Some More Fratricidal Strife 263 

CHAPTER XXVII. 
Still More Fraternal Bloodshed, on Principle — Outing 
Features Disappear, and give place to Strained Rela- 
tions between Combatants, who begin to Mix Things . 274 

CHAPTER XXVIII. 
Last Year of the Disagreeable War 284 



12 CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER XXIX. page 

Too MUCH Liberty in Places and not enough Elsewhere. — 
Thoughts on the late War — Who is the bigger ass, 
the man who will not forgive and forget, or the 
mawkish and moist- eyed sniveller who wants to do 
that all the time? 297 

CHAPTER XXX. 

RECONSTRUCTION WITHOUT PAIN — ADMINISTRATIONS OF JOHNSON 

AND Grant 305 

CHAPTER XXXI. 
Closing Chronicles 317 

appendix 329 




CHAPTER I. 

THE IMSCOVERV OF AMERICA. 

IT was a beautiful evening at the close of a 
1 warm, luscious day in old Spain. It was such 
an evening as one would select for trysting 
purposes. The honeysuckle gave out the sweet 
announcement of its arrival on the summer breeze, 
and the bulbul sang in tae. dark vistas of ohve- 
trees,^sang of his love and his hope, and ot the 
victory he anticipated in the morrow's bulbul-fight^ 
and the plaudits of the royal couple who would 



t4 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



be there. The pink west paled away to the touch 
of twilight, and the soft zenith was sown with 
stars coming like celestial fire-flies on the breast 
of a mighty meadow. 

Across the dusk, with bowed head, came a 
woman. Her air was one of proud humility. It 
was the air of royalty in the presence of an over- 
ruling power. It was Isabella. She was on her 
way to confession. She carried a large, beauti- 
fully-bound volume containing a memorandum of 
her sins for the day. Ever and anon she would 
refer to it, but the twilight had come on so fast 
that she could not read it. 

Reaching the confessional, she kneeled, and, by 
the aid of her notes, she told off to the good 
Father and receptacle of the queen's trifling sins, 
Ferna tdo de Talavera, how wicked she had been. 
Whc^ it was over and the queen had risen to go, 




iSASSU^ AX CONFBSSIONAL. 



THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA. 15 

Fernando came forth, and with a solemn obei- 
sance said,— 

" May it please your Majesty, 1 have to-day 
received a letter from my good friend the prior 
of the Franciscan convent of St. Mary's of Ra- 
bida in Andalusia. With your Majesty's permis- 
sion, I will read it to you. ' 

"Proceed," exclaimed Isabella, gravely, taking 
a piece of crochet-work from her apron and seat- 
ing herself comfortably near the dim light. 

"It is dated the sixth month and tenth day of 
the month, and reads as follows : 

" Dear Brother : 

"This letter will be conveyed unto your hands 
by the bearer hereof. His name is Christopher 
Columbus, a native of Genoa, w^ho has been liv- 
ing on me for two years. But he is a good man, 
devout and honest. He is willing to work, but I 
have nothing to do in his line. Times, as you 
know, are dull, and in his own profession nothing 
seems to be doing. 

" He is by profession a discoverer. He has 
been successful in the work where he has had 
opportunities, and there has been no complaint 
so far on the part of those who have employed 
him. Everything he has e^/er discovered has 
remained that way, so he is willing to let his 
work show for itself. 



l6 HISTORY OF THE UN/TED STATES. 

" Should vou be able to brino- this to the notice 

' to 

of her Majesty, who is tender of heart, 1 would 
be most glad ; and should her most gracious Maj- 
esty have any discovering to be done, or should 
she contemplate a change or desire to substitute 
another in the place of the present discoverer, 
she will do well to consider the qualifications ol 
my friend. 

" Very sincerely and fraternally thine. 

''Etc., etc." 

The queen inquired still further regarding 
Columbus, and, taking the letter, asked Talavera 
to send him to the royal sitting-room at ten 
o'clock the following day. 

When Columbus arose the next morning he 
found a note from the royal confessor, and, with- 
out waiting for breakfast, for he had almost over- 
come the habit of eating, he reversed his cuffs, 
and, taking a fresh handkerchief from his valise 
and putting it in his pocket so that the corners 
would coyly stick out a little, he was soon on his 
way to the palace. He carried also a small globe 
wrapped up in a newspaper. 

The interview was encouraging until the matter 
of money necessary for the trip was touched upon. 
His Majesty was called in. and spoke sadly of 
the public surplus. He said that there were one 
hundred dollars still due on his own salary, and 



THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA. 



i; 



the palace had not been painted for eight years. 
He had taken orders on the store till he was tired 
of it. "Our meat bill," said he, taking off his 
crown and mashing a hornet on the wall, "is 
sixty days overdue. We owe the hired girl for 
three weeks ; and how are we going to get funds 
enough to do any discovering, when you re- 
member that we have got to pay for an extra 
session this fall for the purpose of making money 
plenty?" 

But Isabella came and sat by him in her win- 
ning way. and with the moistened corner of her 
handkerchief removed a spot of maple syrup 

ft-om the er- 
mine trim- 
ming of his 
reigning 
gown. She 
patted his 
hand, and, 
with her 




COLUUBVlB Al COURT 



1 8 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

gentle voice, cheered him and told him that if he 
would economize and go without cigars or wine, 
in less than two hundred years he would have 
saved enough to fit Columbus out. 

A few weeks later he had saved one hundred 
and fifty dollars in this way. The queen then 
went at twilight and pawned a large breastpin, 
and, although her chest was very sensitive to 
cold, she went without it all the following winter, 
in order that Columbus might discover America 
before immigration set in here. 

Too much cannot be said of the heroism of 
Queen Isabella and the courage of her convic- 
tions. A man would have said, under such cir- 
cumstances, that there would be no sense in 
discovering a place that was not popular. Why 
discover a place when it is so far out of the way ? 
Why discover a country with no improvements ? 
Why discover a country'' that is so far from the 
railroad ? Why discover, at great expense, an 
entirely new country ? 

But Isabella did not stop to listen to these 
croaks. In the language of the Honorable Jere« 
miah M. Rusk, "She seen her duty and she done 
it." That was Isabella's style. 

Columbus now began to select steamer-chairs 
and rugs. He had already secured the Nifia, 
Pinta, and Santa Maria, and on the 3d of August, 
1492, he sailed from Palos. 




COLUMPUb S STEAMBR-CHAIR. 



THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA. 1 9 

Isabella brought him a large bunch of 
beautiful Bowers as he was about to sail, 
and Ferdinand gave him a nice yachting- 
cap and a spicy French novel to read on 
the road. 

He was given a com- 
mission as viceroy or gov- 
ernor of all the lands he 
might discover, with hunt- 
ing and shooting privileges 
on same. 

He stopped several 
weeks at the Canary 

Islands, where he and his one hundred and twenty 
men rested and got fresh water. He then set out 
sailing due west over an unknown sea to blaze 
the way for liberty. 

Soon, however, his men began to murmur. 
They began also to pick on Columbus and oc- 
cupy his steamer-chair when he wanted to use it 
himself They got to making chalk-marks on the 
deck and compelling him to pay a shilling before 
he could cross them. Some claimed that they 
were lost and that they had been sailing around 
for over a week in a circle, one man stating that 
he recognized a spot in the sea that they had 
passed eight times already. 

Finally they mutinied, and started to throw the 
great navigator overboard, but he told them that 



20 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

if they would wait until the next morning he 
would tell them a highly amusing story that he 
heard just before he left Palos. 

Thus his life was saved, for early in the morning 
the cry of " Land ho !" was heard, and America 
was discovered, 

A saloon was at once started, and the first step 
thus taken towards the foundation of a republic. 
From that one little timid saloon, with its family 
entrance, has sprung- the magnificent and majestic 
snachine which, lubricated with spoils and driven 
by wind, gives to every American to-day the right 
to live under a Government selected for him by 
men who make that their business. 

Columbus discovered America several times 
after the 12th of October, 1492. and finally, while 
prowling about looking for more islands, discov- 
ered South America near the mouth of the Ori- 
noco. 

He was succeeded as governor by Francisco de 
Bobadilla, who sent him back finally in chains. 
Thus we see that the great are not always happy. 
There is no doubt that millions of people every 
year avoid many discomforts by remaining in 
obscurity. 

The life of Columbus has been written by hun- 
dreds of men, both In this country and abroad, 
but the foregoing facts are distilled from this 
great biographical mass by skilful hands, and, 



22 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

like the succeeding pages, will stand for centuries 
unshaken by the bombardment of the critic, while 
succeeding years shall try them with frost and 
thaw, and the tide of time dash high against 
their massive front, only to recede, quelled and 
defeated.* 



* 'iTte author acknowledges especially the courtesy of San Diego 
Colon Gilumbus, a son of the great navigator, whose book " Histori- 
adores Primitivos'' was so generously loaned the author by relatives of 
yovttui Columbus. 

I have refrained from announcing in the foregoing chapter the death 
of Cokmbus, which occurred May 20, 1506, at Valladolid, the funeral 
t^yje*^ ]pl»(^ from his late residence, because I dislike to give needless 
p<*q B. N. 




CHAPTER II. 



OTHER DISCOVERIES WET AND DRY. 



AMERICA had many other discoverers be 
sides Columbus, but he seems to have 
made more satisfactory arrangements with 
the historians than any of the oth^s. He had 
genius, and was also a married man. He was a 
good after-dinner speaker, and was first to use 

23 



24 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

the ^gg trick, which so many after-dinner speak- 
ers have since wished they had thought of before 
Chris did. 

In falsifying the log-book in order to make his 
sailors believe that they had not sailed so far as 
they had, Columbus did a wrong act, unworthy of 
his high notions regarding the pious discovery of 
this land. The artist has shown here not only 
one of the most faithful portraits of Columbus 
and his crooked log-book, but the punishment 
which he should have received. 

The man on the left is Columbus ; Histor>' 
is concealed just around the corner in a loose 
wrapper. 

Spain at this time regarded the new land as 
a vast jewelry store in charge of simple children 
of the forest who did not know the value of their 
rich agricultural lands or gold-ribbed farms. 
Spain therefore, expected to exchange bone col- 
lar-buttons with the children of the forest for 
opals as large as lima beans, and to trade fiery 
liquids to them for large gold bricks. 

The Montezumas were compelled every little 
while to pay a freight-bill for the Spanish confi- 
dence man. 

Ponce de Leon had started out in search of the 
Hot Springs of Arkansas, and in 1512 came in 
sight of Florida. He was not successful in his 
attempt to find the Fountain of Youth, and re 



OTHER DISCOVERIES— WET AND DRY. 25 



turned an old man so deaf that in the language of 
the Hoosier poet referring to his grandfather, — 

"So remarkably deaf was my grandfather Squeers 
That he had to wear lightning-rods over his ears 
To even hear thunder, and oftentimes then 
He was forced to request it to thunder again." 

Balboa crossed the Isthmus of Darien. and, 
rolling up his pantalettes, waded into the Pacific 
Ocean and discovered it in the name of Spain. 
It was one of the largest and wettest discoveries 
ever made, and, though this occurred over three 
centuries ago, Spain is still poor. 

Balboa, in discovering the Pacific, did so accord- 
ing to the Spanish custom of discovery, viz., by 
wading into it with his naked sword in one 
hand and the banner of Castile, sometimes 
called Castile's hope {see 




^ALBOA SKVING HIS CLOTHBS. 

3 



26 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Appendix), in the other. He and his followers 
waded out so as to discover all they could, and 
were surprised to discover what is now called the 
undertow. 

The artist has shown the great discoverer most 
truthfully as he appeared after he had discovered 
and filed on the ocean. No one can look upon 
this picture for a moment and confuse Balboa, 
the discoverer of the Pacific, with Kope Elias, 
who first discovered in the mountains of North 
Carolina what is now known as moonshine whis- 
key. 

De Narvaez in 1528 undertook to conquer 
Florida with three hundred hands. He also 
pulled considerable grass in his search for gold. 
Finally he got to the gulf and was wrecked. 
They Avere all related mostly to Narvaez, and 
for two weeks they lived on their relatives, but 
later struck shore — four of them — and lived more 
on a vegetable diet after that till they struck the 
Pacific Ocean, which now belonged to Spain. 

De Soto also undertook the conquest of Florida 
after this, and took six hundred men with him for 
the purpose. They wandered through the Gulf 
States to the Mississippi, enduring much, and 
often forced to occupy the same room at night. 
De Soto in 1541 discovered the Mississippi River, 
thus adding to the moisture collection of Spain. 

After trying to mortgage his discovery to East- 



O THER DISCO VERIES— WET AND DRY. 27 

ern capitalists, he died, and was buried in the 
quiet bosom of the Great Father of waters. 

Thus once more the list of fatalities was added 
to and the hunger for gold was made to contrib- 
ute a discovery. 

Menendez later on founded in 1565 the colony 
of St. Augustine, the oldest town in the United 
States. There are other towns that look older, 
but it is on account of dissipation. New York 
looks older, but it is because she always sat up 
later of nights than St. Augustine did. 

Cortez was one of the coarsest men who vis- 
ited this country. He did not marry any wealthy 
American girls, for there were none, but he did 
everything else that was wrong, and his unpaid 
laundry-bills are still found all over the Spanish- 
speaking countries. He was especially lawless 
and cruel to the Peruvians : " recognizing the 
Peruvian at once by his bark," he would treat 
him with great indignity, instead of using other 
things which he had with him. Cortez had a way 
of capturing the most popular man in a city, and 
then he would call on the tax-payers to redeem 
him on the instalment plan. Most everybody 
hated Cortez. and when he held religious ser- 
vices the neighbors did not attend. The religious 
efforts made by Cortez were not successful. He 
killed a great many people, but converted but 
few. 



28 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



The historian desires at this time to speak 
briefly of the methods of Cortez from a commer- 
cial standpoint. 

Will the reader be good enough to cast his 
eye on the 
Cortez se- 
curities as 
shown in 




BANK OP CORTEZ. 



drawn from memory by an artist yet a perfect 
gentleman ? 

Notice the bonds Nos. i8 and ij. Do you 
notice the listening attitude of No. i8? He is 
listening to the accumulating interest. Note the 



OTHER DISCOVERIES—WET AND DRY. 29 

aged and haggard look of No. 27. He has just 
begun to notice that he is maturing. 

Cast your eye on the prone form of No. 31. 
He has just fallen due. and in doing so has hurt 
his crazy-bone (see Appendix). 

Be good enough to study the gold-bearing bond 
behind the screen. See the look of anguish. 
Some one has cut off a coupon probably. Cortez 
was that kind of a man. He would clip the ear 
of an Inca and make him scream with pain, so 
that his friends would come in and redeem him. 
Once the bank examiner came to examine the 
Cortez bank. He imparted a pleasing flavor on 
the following day to the soup. 

Spain owned at the close of the sixteenth 
century the West Indies, Yucatan. Mexico, and 
Florida, besides unlimited water facilities and the 
Peruvian preserves. 

North Carolina was discovered by the French 
navigator Verrazani. thirty years later than Cabot 
did, but as Cabot did not record his claim at the 
court-house in Wilmington the Frenchman jumped 
the claim in 1524, and the property remained 
about the same till again discovered by George 
W. \ anderbilt in the latter part of the present 
centur\^ 

Montreal was discovered in 1535 by Cartier, 
also a Frenchman. 

Ribaut discovered South Carolina, and left thirty 



30 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



men to hold it. They were at that time the only 
white men from Mexico to the North Pole, and a 
keen business man could have bought the whole 
thing, Indians and all, for a good team and a jug 
of nepenthe. But why repine ? 

The Jesuit missionaries about the middle of the 
seventeenth century pushed their way to the North 
Mississippi and sought to convert 
the Indians. The Jesuits deserve 




CONVERTING INDIANS. 



great credit for their 
patience, endurance, and industry, but they were 
shocked to find the Indian averse to work. They 
also advanced slowly in church work, and would 
often avoid early mass that they might catch a 
mess of trout or violate the game law by killing a 
Dakotah in May. 

Father Marquette discovered the Upper Missis- 
sippi not far from a large piece of suburban prop- 
erty owned by the author, north of Minneapolis. 



OTHER DISCOVERIES^WET AND DRY. 3I 



The ground has not been disturbed since dis- 
covered by Father Marquette. 

The English also discovered America from time 
to time, the Cabots finding Labrador while en- 
deavoring to go to Asia via the North, and Fro- 
bisher discovered Baffin Bay in 1576 while on a 
like mission. The Spanish discovered the water 
mosdy, and England the ice belonging to North 
America. 

Sir Francis Drake also discovered the Pacific 
Ocean, and afterward sailed an English ship on 
its waters, discovering Oregon. 

Sir Walter Raleigh, with the endorsement of 
his half-brother. Sir Humphrey Gilbert, regarding 
the idea of colonization of America, and being a 
great friend of Queen Elizabeth, got out a patent 
on Virginia. 

He planted a colony 
and a patch of tobacco 
on Roanoke Island, but 
the colonists did not care 
for agriculture, preferring 
to hunt for gold and 
pearls. In this way they 
soon ran out of food, and 
were constantly harassed 
by Indians. 

It was an odd sight to 
witness a colonist coming .^vld not rbach them 




^2 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



home after a long hard day hunting for pearls as 
he asked his wife if she would be good enough to 
pull an arrow out of some place which he could 
not reach himself. 

Raleigh spent two hundred thousand dollars 
in his efforts to colonize Virginia, and then, dis- 




RALBICH S ASTONISHMBNT. 



gusted, divided up his patent and sold county 
rights to it at a poimd apiece. This was in 1589. 
Raleigh learned the use of smoking tobacco at 
this time. 

He was astonished when he tried it first, and 
threatened to change his boarding-place or take 
his meals out, but soon enjoyed it, and before 



OTHER DISCOVERIES—WET AND DRY. 



23 



he had been home a week Queen Eli/^abeth 
thought it to be an excellent thing for her house 
plants. It is now extensively used in the best 
narcotic circles. 

Several other efforts were made In' the English 
to establish colonies in this country, but the In 




RALEIGH S ENJOYMENT. 



dians thought that these English people bathed 
too much, and invited perspiration between 
baths. 

One can see readily that the Englishman 
with his portable bath-tub has been a flag of 
defiance from the earliest disco v^eries till this 
day. 



34 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



This chapter brings us to the time when set- 
tlements were made as follows : 



The French at Port Royal, N.S, 
The English at Jamestown , 
The French at Quebec 
The r3utch at New York . . 
The English at Plymouth , 



1605. 
1607. 
1608. 
1613. 
1620. 



The author's thanks are due to the following books of reference, 
which, added to his retentive memory, have made the foregoing state- 
ments accurate yet pleasing : 

A Summer in England with H. W. Beecher. By J. B. Reed. 

Russell's Digest of the Laws of Minnesota, with Price-List of Mem- 
bers. 

Out-Door and Bug Life in America. By Chilblainy, Chief of the 
Umatilla. 

Why I am an Indian. By S. Bull. With Notes by Ole Bull and 
Introduction by John Bull. 



CHAPTER III 

THE THIRTEEN ORIGINAL COLONIES. 

THIS chapter is given 
up almost wholly to 
facts. It deals largely 
with the beginning of the 
thirteen original colonies 
from which sprang the Re- 
public, the operation of 
which now gives so many 
thousands of men in-door 
employment four years at 
a time, thus relieving the 
penitentiaries and throwing 
more kindergarten states- 

SAMPLE PURITAN. 

men to the front. 

It was during this epoch that the Cavaliers 
landed in Virginia and the Puritans in Massa- 
chusetts ; the latter lived on maple sugar and 
armed prayer, while the former saluted his cow, 
and, with bared head, milked her with his hat in 
one hand and his life in the other. 

Immigration now began to increase along the 
coast. The Mayflower began to bring over vast 
36 




THE THIRTEEN ORIGINAL COLONIES. 37 

quantities of antique furniture, mostly hall-clocks 
for future sales. Hanging them on spars and 
masts during rough weather easily accounts for 
the fact that none of them have ever been known 
to go. 




The Puritans now began to barter with the 
Indians, swapping square black bottles of liquid 
hell for farms in Massachusetts and additions to 
log towns. Dried apples and schools began to 
make their appearance. The low retreating fore- 
head of the codfish began to be seen at the 
stores, and virtue began to break out among the 
Indians after death. 

Virginia, however, deserves mention here on 

4- 



35 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

the start. This colony was poorly prepared to 
tote wood and sleep out-of-doors, as the people 
were all gents by birth. They had no families, 
but came to Virginia to obtain fortunes and return 
to the city of New York in September. The cli- 
mate was unhealthy, and before the first autumn, 
says Sir William Kronk, from whom I quote, "ye 
greater numberr of them hade perished of a great 
Miserrie in the Side and for lacke of Food, for at 
thatte time the Crosse betweene the wilde hyena 
and the common hogge of the Holy Lande, and 
since called the Razor Backe Hogge, had not 
been made, and so many of the courtiers dyede." 

John Smith saved the colony. He was one of 
the best Smiths that ever came to this country, 
which is as large an encomium as a man cares to 
travel with. He would have saved the life of 
Pocahontas, an Indian girl who also belonged to 
the gentry of their tribe, but she saw at once that 
it would be a point for her to save him, so after a 
month's rehearsal with her father as villain, with 
Smith's part taken by a chunk of blue-gum wood, 
they succeeded in getting this little curtain-raiser 
to perfection. 

Pocahontas w^as afterwards married, if the au- 
thor's memory does not fail him, to John Rolfe. 
Pocahontas was not beautiful, but many good peo- 
pie sprang from her. She never touched them. 
Her husband sprang from her also just in time. 



THE THIRTEEN ORIGINAL COLONIES. 39 

The way she jumped from a clay-eating crowd 
into the bosom of the English aristocracy by this 
dramatic ruse was worthy of a greater recogni- 
tion than merely to figure among the makers of 
smoking-tobacco with fancy wrappers, when she 
never had a fancy wrapper in her life. 

Smith was captured once by the Indians, and, 
instead of telling them that he was by birth a 
gent, he gave them 
a course of lec- 
tures on the use 
of the com- 
p a s s and 
how to learn 
where 
one is 




THE RBHBARSAI.. 



at. Thus one after another the Indians went 
away. I often wonder why the lecture is not used 
more as a means of escape from hostile people. 

By writing a letter and getting a reply to it, he 
made another hit. He now^ became a great man 
among the Indians ; and to kill a dog and foil to 
invite Smith to the symposium was considered as 



40 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

vulgar as it is now to rest the arctic overshoe on 
the corner of the dinino-.table while bucklino- or 
unbuckling it. 

Afterward Smith fell into the hands of Pow- 
hatan, the Croker of his time, and narrowly sa\ed 
his life, as we have seen, through the intervention 
of Pocahontas. 

Smith was now required in England to preside 
at a dinner given by the Savage Club, and to tell 
a few stories of life in the Far West. 

While he was o^one the settlement became a 
prey to disease and famine. Some were killed 
by the Indians while returning from their club at 
evening ; some became pirates. 

The colony decreased from four hundred and 
ninety to sixty people, and at last it was moved 
and seconded that they do now adjourn. They 
started away from Jamestown without a tear, or 
hardly anything else, having experienced a very 
dull time there, funerals being the only relaxation 
whatever. 

But moving down the bay they met Lord Dela- 
ware, the new Governor, with a lot of Christmas- 
presents and groceries. Jamestown was once 
more saved, though property still continued low. 
The company, by the terms of its new charter, 
became a self-governing institution, and London 
was only too tickled to get out of the responsi- 
bility. It is said that the only genuine humor up 



THE THIRTEEN ORIGINAL COLONIES. 4^ 

to that time heard in London was spent on the 
jays of Jamestown and the Virginia colony. 

Where is that laughter now ? Where are the 
gibes and bon-mots made at that sad time ? 

They are gone. 

All over that little republic, so begun in sorrow 
and travail, there came in after-years the dimples 
and the smiles of the prosperous child who would 
one day rise in the lap of the mother-country, and. 
asserting its rights by means of Patrick O' Fallen 
Henry and others, place a large and disagreeable 
fire-cracker under the nose of royalty, that, bust- 
ing the awful stillness, should jar the empires of 
earth, and blow the unblow^n noses of future 
kings and princes. (This is taken bodily from a 
speech made by me July 4, 1777, when I was 
young. — The Author.) 

Pocahontas was married in 161 3. She was 
baptized the day before. Whoever thought of 
that was a bright and thoughtful thinker. She 
stood the wear and tear of civilization for three 
years, and then died, leaving an infant son, who 
has since grown up. 

The colony now prospered. All freemen had 
the right to vote. Religious toleration was en- 
joyed first-rate, and, there being no negro slavery. 
Virginia bade fair to be the republic of the conti- 
nent. But in 16 19 the captain of a Dutch trad- 
ing-vessel sold to the colonists twenty negroes. 



42 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



The negroes were mostly married people, and in 
some instances children were born to them. This 
peculiarity still shows itself among the negroes, 
and now all over the South one hardly crosses a 
county without seeing a negro or a person with 
negro blood in his or her veins. 

After the death of Powhatan, the friend of the 

English, an organized 

attempt was made by 

the Indians to ex- 




NBGROBS STILL HAVB FAMILIES. 



terminate the white people and charge more for 
water frontage the next time any colonists came. 

March 22, 1622. was the day set, and many of 
the Indians were eating at the tables of those they 
had sworn to kill. It was a solemn moment. 



THE THIRTEEN ORIGINAL COLONIES. 



43 



The surprise was to take place between the cold 
beans and the chili sauce. 

But a converted In- 
dian told quite a num- 
ber, and as the cold 
beans were passed, 
the effect of some ar- 
senic that had been 
eaten with the slim- 
neck clams began to 
be seen, and before 
the beans had gone 
half-way round the 
board the children of 
the forest were seen 
to excuse themselves, 
and thus avoid dying 
in the house. 

Yet there were over 
three hundred and 
fifty white people massacred, and there followed 
another, reducing^ the colonists from four thousand 
to two thousand five hundred, then a massacre of 
five hundred, and so on, a sickening record of 
death and horror, even worse, before a great na- 
tion could get a foothold in this wild and savage 
land ; even a toe-hold, as I may say, in the sands 
of time. 

July 30, 1 6 19, the first sprout of Freedom 




PREPARING THE FEAST. 



44 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

poked its head from the soil of Jamestown when 
Governor Yeardley stated that the colony " should 
have a handle in governing itself" He then 
called at Jamestown the first legislative body ever 
assembled in America ; most of the members 
whereof boarded at the Planters' House during 
the session. (For sample of legislator see pic- 
ture.) This body could pass laws, but they must 
be ratified by the company in England. The 
orders from London were not binding unless rati- 
fied hy this Colonial Assembly. 

This was a mutual arrangement reminding one 
of the fearful yet mutual apprehension spoken of 
by the poet when he says, — 

" Jim Darling didn't know but his father was dead, 
And his father didn't know but Jim Darling was dead." 

The colony now began to prosper ; men held 
their lands in severalty, and taxes were low. The 
raikoad had not then brought in new styles in 
clothing and made people unhappy by creating 
jealousy. 

Settlements joined each other along the James 
for one hundred and forty miles, and the colonists 
first demonstrated how easily they could get along 
without the New York papers. 

Tobacco began to be a very valuable crop, and 
at one time even the streets were used for its 



THE THIRTEEN ORIGINAL COLONIES. 



4S 



cultivation. Tobacco now proceeded to become a 
curse to the civilized world. 

In 1624, King- James, fearing that the infant 
colony would go Democratic, appointed a rump 
governor. 

The oppression of the English parliament now 
began to be felt. The colonists were obliged to 
ship their products to England and to use only 
English vessels. The Assembly, largely royalists, 
refused to 0^0 out when their terms of office ex- 
pired, paid themselves at the rate of about thirty- 
six dollars per day as money is now, and, in fact, 
acted like members of the Legislature 
generally. 

In 1676, one hundred years before the 
Colonies declared themselves free and 
independent, a rebellion, under the man- 
agement of a bright )'oung 
attorney named Bacon, visited 
Jamestown and burned the 
American metropolis, after 
which Governor Berkeley was 
driven out. Bacon died just 
as his rebellion was begfinnino- 
to pay, and the people dis- 
persed. Berkeley then took con- 
trol, and killed so many rebels that 
Mrs. Berkeley had to do her own work, 
and Berkeley, who had no one left to jambhown lkgwlatob. 




46 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

help him but his friends, had to stack his own 
grain that fall and do the chores at the barn. 

Jamestown is now no more. It was succeeded 
in 1885 by Jamestown, North Dakota, now called 
Jimtown, a prosperous place in the rich farming- 
lands of that State. 

Jamestown the tirst. the scene of so many sor- 
rows and little jealousies, so many midnight 
Indian attacks and bilious attacks by day, became 
a solemn ruin, and a few shattered tombstones, 
over which the jimson-weed and the wild vines 
clamber, show to the curious traveller the place 
where civilization first sought to establish itself 
on the James River. U.S.A. 



The author wishes to refer with great gratitude to information con- 
tained in the foregoing chapter and obtained from the following works : 

The Indian and other Animalcula. By N. K. Boswell, l.aramie City, 
Wyoming. 

Mow to Jolly the Red Man out of his Land.s. By Ernest Smith. 

The Female Red Man and her Pure Life. By Johnson Sides, Reno, 
4Jevada (P.M. please forward if out on war-path). 

The Crow Indian and His Caws. By Me. 

Massacre Etiquette. By Wad. McSwalloper, 82 McDougall vSt., New 
fork. 

Where is my Indian to-night ? By a half-bred lady of Winnipeg. 




CHAPTER IV. 



THE PLYMOUTH COLONY. 



IN the fall of 1620 the Pilgrims landed at Ply- 
mouth during a disagreeable storm, and, 
noting the excellent opportunity for future 
misery, began to erect a number of rude cabins. 
This party consisted of one hundred and two peo- 
ple of a resolute character who wished to worship 
God in a more extemporaneous manner than had 
been the custom in the Church of England. 

They found that the Indians of Cape Cod were 
not ritualistic, and that they were willing to dis- 
pose of inside lots at Plymouth on reasonable 
terms, retaining, however, the right to use the 
lands for massacre purposes from time to time. 

The Pilgrims were honest, and gave the Indians 
something for their land in almost every instance 

4? 



48 HISTORY OF THE UN/TED STATES. 

but they put a price upon it which has made the 
Indian ever since a comparatively poor man. 

Half of this devoted band died before spring, 
and yet the idea of returning to England did not 
occur to them. "No," they exclaimed, "we will 
not go back to London until we can go first-class, 
if we have to stay here two hundred years." 

During the winter they discovered why the 
lands had been sold to them so low. The In- 
dians of one tribe had died there of a pestilence 
the year before, and so when the Pilgrims began 
to talk trade they did not haggle over prices. 

In the early spring, however, they were sur- 
prised to hear the word " Welcome" proceeding 
from the door-mat of Samoset, an Indian whose 
chief was named Massasoit. A treaty was then 
made for fifty years, Massasoit taking " the same." 

Canonicus once sent to Governor Bradford a 
bundle of arrows tied up in a rattlesnake's skin. 
The Governor put them away in the pantry with 
his other curios, and sent Canonicus a few bright 
new bullets and a little dose of powder. That 
closed the correspondence. In those days there 
were no newspapers, and most of the fighting was 
done without a guarantee or side bets. 

Money-matters, however, were rather panicky 
at the time, and the people were kept busy dig- 
ging clams to sustain life in order to raise Indian 
corn enough to give them sufficient strength to 



THE PLYMOUTH COLONY. 49 

pull clams enough the following winter to get them 
through till the next corn crop should give them 
strength to dig for clams again. Thus a trip to 
London and the Isle of Wight looked farther and 
farther away. 

After four years they numbered only one hun- 
dred and eighty-four, counting immigration and 
all. The colony only needed, however, more peo- 
ple and Eastern capital. 

It would be well to pause here and remember 
the annoyances connected with life as a forefather. 
Possibly the reader has considered the matter 
already. Imagine how nervous one may be 
waiting in the hall and watching with a keen 
glance for the approach of the physician who is 
to announce that one is a forefather. The ama- 
teur forefather of 1620 must have felt proud yet 
anxious about the clam-yield also, as each new 
mouth opened on the prospect. 

Speaking of clams, it is said by some of the 
forefathers that the Cape Cod menu did not go 
beyond cod-fish croquettes until the beginning of 
the seventeenth century, when pie was added by 
act of legislature. 

Clams are not so restless if eaten without the 
brisket, which is said to lie hard on the stomach.* 

Salem and Charlestown were started by Gov- 
ernor Endicott, and Boston was founded in 1630. 

* See Dr. Dunn's Family Physician and Horse Doctor. 



50 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




To these various towns the Puritans 
flocked, and even now one may be 
seen in ghostly garments on Thanks- 
giving Eve flitting here and there 
turning ofl" the gas in the parlor 
while the family are at tea, in order 
to cut down expenses. 

Plymouth and Massachusetts 
Bay Colonies were united in 
1692. 

Roger Williams, a bright 
young divine, was the first to 
interfere with the belief that 
magistrates had the right to 
punish Sabbath-breakers, blas- 
phemers, etc. He also was the 
first to utter the idea that a 
man's own conscience must be 
his own guide and not that of 



another. 
Among the Puritans there 
were several who had enlarged 
consciences, and who de- 
sired to take in extra work 
for others who had no 
consciences and 
were busy in (^-"^ 
the fields. They 
were always 




SABBATH-BRBAKBR ARRBSTBR. 



THE PLYMOUTH COLONY. 



51 



dy to 



sixteen 



ounces to the 
pound, and were 
honest, but they 
got very little 
rest on Sunday, 
because they 
had to watch 
the Sabbath- 
breaker all the 
time. 

The method 
of punishment for some offences is given here. 

Does the man look cheerful ? No. No one 
looks cheerful. Even the little boys look sad. It 

is said that the Puritans 
knocked what 
fun there was 




PVRITAN 3NORB ARRBSTBR. 




UBTHODS OP FUNISHMBNX, 



52 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



out of the Indian. Did kny one ever see an In- 
dian smile since the landing of the Pilgrims ? 





reh 



r f 



Cold! 

Roger Williams was too ^ 

liberal to be kindly received by the clergy, and so 
he was driven out of the settlement. Finding 
that the Indians were less rigid and kept open on 
Sundays, he took refuge among them (1636), and 
before spring had gained eighteen pounds and 
converted Canonicus, one of the hardest case.«^ in 

New England and 
/ the first man to sit up 
till after ten o'clock 
at night. Canonicus 
ga^•e Roger the tract 
of land on which Prov- 
idence now stands. 

Mrs. Anne Hutch- 
inson gave the Pil- 
grims trouble also. 
Jnitt. n.?!!! Having claimed som€ 




THE PLYMOUTH COLONY. 



53 




special revelations and 
attempted to make a few 
remarks regarding them, 
she was banished. 

Banishment, which 
meant a homeless life in 
a wild land, with no one 
but the Indians to associate with, in 
those days, was especially annoying 
to a orood Christian woman, and 
yet it had its good points. It 
offered a little religious freedom, 
which could not be had among 
those who wanted it so much 
that they braved the billow and 
the wild beast, the savage, the 
drouth, the flood, and the potato-bug, to 
obtain it before anybody else got a chance 
at it. Freedom is a 
good thing. 

Twenty years later 
the Quakers shocked 
every one by think- 
ing a few religious 
thoughts on their 
own hooks. The colonists executed fou 
of them, and before that tortured 
them at a great rate. 

During dull times and on rainy 




# 



54 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

days it was a question among the Puritans whether 
they would banish an old lady, bore holes with a 
red-hot iron through a Quaker's tongue, or pitch 
horse-shoes. 

In 1643 the "United Colonies of New Eng- 
land" was the name of a league formed by the 
people for protection against the Indians. 

King Philip's war followed. 

Massasoit was during his lifetime a friend to the 
poor whites of Plymouth, as Powhatan had been 
of those at Jamestown, but these two great chiefs 
were succeeded by a low set of Indians, who 
showed as little refinement as one could well 
imagine. 

Some of the sufferings of the Pilgrims at the 
time are depicted on the preceding pages by the 
artist, also a few they escaped. 

Looking over the lives of our forefathers who 
came from England. I am not surprised that, with 
all the English people who have recently come to 
this country, I have never seen a forefather. 



CHAPTER V. 

DRAWBACKS OF BEING A COLONIST. 

IT was at this period in the history of our 
country that the colonists found themselves 
not only banished from all civilization, but 
compelled to fight an armed foe whose trade was 
war and whose music was the dying wail of a 
tortured enemy. Unhampered by the exhausting 
efforts of industry, the Indian, trained by centuries 
of war upon adjoining tribes, felt himself foot- 
loose and free to shoot the unprotected forefather 
from behind the very stump fence his victim had 
worked so hard to erect. 

King Philip, a demonetized sovereign, organ- 
ized his red troops, and, carrying no haversacks, 
knapsacks, or artillery, fell upon the colonists and 
killed them, only to reappear at some remote point 
while the dead and wounded who fell at the first 
point were being buried or cared for by rude phy- 
sicians. 

What an era in the history of a country ! Gen- 
tlewomen whose homes had been in the peaceful 
hamlets of England lived and died in the face of 

S5 



• 



56 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



a cruel foe, yet prepared the cloth and clothing for 
their families, fed them, and taught them to Took 
to God in all times of trouble, to be prayerful in 
their daily lives, yet vigilant and ready to deal 
death to the general enemy. They were the 
mothers whose sons and grandsons laid the huge 
foundations of a great nation and cemented them 
with their blood. 

At this time there was a line of battle three 

hundred miles in length. 
On one side the white 
man went armed to die 
field or the prayer-meet- 
ing, shooting an Indian 
on sight as he would a 
panther ; on the other, a 
foe whose wife did the 
chores and hoed the scat- 
tering crops while he made 
war and extermination his 
joy by night and his prayer and life-long purpose 
by day. 

Finally, however, the victory came sluggishly to 
the brave and deserving. One thousand Indians 
were killed at one pop, and their wigwams were 
burned. All their furniture and curios were 
burned in their w^igwams, and some of their val- 
uable dogs were holocausted. King Philip was 
shot by a follower as he was looking under the 




•rayerful yet vigilant. 



DRAWBACKS OF BEING A COLONIST. S7 



throne for something, and peace was tor the time 
declared. 

About 1684 the Colony of Massachusetts, which 
had dared to open up a trade with the West In- 
dies, using its own vessels for that purpose, was 
hauled over the coals by the mother-country for 
violation of the Navigation Act, 
and an officer sent over to en- 
force the latter. The colonists 
defied him, and when he was 
speaking to them publicly in a 
tone of reprimand, he got an 
ovation in the way of eggs and 
codfish, both of which had been 
set aside for that purpose when 
the country was new, and there- 
fore had an air of antiquity 
which cannot be successfully 
imitated. 

As a result, the Colony was 
made a royal appendage, and 

Sir Edmund Andros, a political ^^ ^^,^^_^^ ,^ ^^^ ^^^ „^ „^, ^^^ 
hack under James II.. was made ^°'""'" 

Governor of New England. He reigned under 
great difficulties for three years, and then sud- 
denly found himself in jail. The jail was so 
arranged that he could not get out, and s . the 
Puritans now quietly resumed their old form of 
government. 




58 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

This continued also for three years, when Sir 
William Phipps became Governor under the 
crown, with one hundred and twenty pounds per 
annum and house-rent. 

From this on to the Revolution, Massachusetts, 
Maine, and Nova Scotia became a royal province. 
Nova Scotia is that way yet, and has to go to 
Boston for her groceries. 

The year 1692 is noted mostly for the Salem 
excitement regarding witchcraft. The children of 
Rev. Mr. Parris were attacked with some peculiar 
disease which would not yield to the soothing blis- 
ters and bleedings administered by the physicians 
of the old school, and so, not knowing exactly 
what to do about it, the doctors concluded that 
they were bewitched. Then it was, of course, the 




OPENING OF THE WITCH-HUNTING tBASOM. 



DRAWBACKS OF BEING A COLONIST. 59 

duty of the courts and selectmen to hunt up the 
witches. This was naturally difficult. 

Fifty-five persons were tortured and twenty 
were hanged for being witches ; which proves that 
the people of Salem were fully abreast of the In- 
dians in intelligence, and that their gospel privi- 
leges had not given their charity and Christian 
love such a boom as they should have done. 

One can hardly be found now, even in Salem, 
who believes in witchcraft ; though the Cape Cod 
people, it is said, still spit on their bait. The 
belief in witchcraft in those days was not confined 
by any means to the colonists. Sir Matthew Hale 
of England, one of the most enlightened judges 
of the mother-country, condemned a number of 
people for the offence, and is now engaged in 
doing road-work on the streets of the New Jeru- 
salem as a punishment for these acts done while 
on the woolsack. 

Blackstone himself, one of the dullest authors 
ever read by the writer of these lines, yet a skilled 
jurist, with a marx^ellous memory regarding Jus- 
tinian, said that, to deny witchcraft was to deny 
revelation. - 

" Be you a witch ?" asked one of the judges of 
Massachusetts, according to the records now on 
file in the State-House at Boston. 

" No, your honor," was the reply. 

"Officer," said the court, taking a pinch of 



6o 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



snuff, "take her out on the tennis-grounds and 
pull out her toe-nails 
with a pair of hot 
pincers, and then 
see what she says." 
It was quite com- 
mon to examine lady 
witches in the regu- 
lar court and then 
adjourn to the ten- 
nis-court. A o-reat 




IRISHMAN WHO, WHEN POOR, WAS DOWN ON 
RICH PBOPLE. 



many were ducked 

by order of the court and hanged up by the 
thumbs, in obedience to the cus- 
toms of these people who came 
to America because they were 
persecuted. 

Human nature is the same 
even to this day. The writer 
grew up with an Irishman who 
believed that when a man oot 
wealth)' enough to keep a car- 
yy^ riage and coa :hman he ought to 
be assassinated and all his goods 
given to the poor. He now hires 
a coachman himself, having suc- 
ceeded in New York city as a 
policeman ; but the man who 
comes to assassinate him will 




IRISHMAN WHO, WHEN RICH, W-AS 
PROUD AND HAUGHTY. 



DRAWBACKS OF BEING A COLONIST. 6 1 

find it almost impossible to obtain an audience 
with him. 

If you wish to educate a man to be a successful 
oppressor, with a genius for introducing new hor- 
rors and novelties in pain, oppress him early in 
life and don't give him any reason for doing so. 
The idea that " God is love" was not popular in 
those days. The early settlers were so stern even 
with their own children that if the Indian had not 
given the forefather something to attract his atten- 
tion, the boy crop would have been very light. 

Even now the philosopher is led to ask, regard- 
ing the boasted freedom of America, why some 
measures are not tai^en to put large fly-screens 
over it. 



CHAPTER VI. 

THE EPISODE OF THE CHARTER OAK. 

THE Colonies of Maine and New Hampshire 
were so closely associated with that of Mas 
sachusetts that their history up to 1820 was 
practically the same. 

Shortly after the landing of the Pilgrims, say 
two years or thereabouts, Gorges and Mason ob- 
tained from England the grant of a large tract 
lying between the Merrimac and Kennebec 
Rivers. This patent was afterwards dissolved, 
Mason taking what is now New Hampshire, and 
Gorges taking Maine. He afterwards sold the 
State to Massachusetts for six thousand dollars. 
The growth of the State may be noticed since 
that time, for one county cost more than that last 
November. 

In 1820 Maine was separated from Massachu- 
setts. Maine is noted for being the easternmost 
State in the Union, and has been utilized by a 
number of eminent men as a birthplace. White- 
birch spools for thread, Christmas-trees, and tama- 
rack and spruce-gum are found in great abundance. 
62 



THE EPISODE OF THE CJiARTER OAK. 63 

It is the home of an industrious and peace-loving- 
people. Bar Harbor is a cool place to go to in 
summer-time and violate the liquor law of the 
State. 




SBDITCTIOKS OF BAR HARBOR. 



The Dutch were first to claim Connecticut. 
They built a trading-post at Hartford, where they 
swapped bone collar-buttons with the Indians for 
beaver- and otter-skins. Traders from Plymouth 
who went up the river were threatened by the 



64 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



Dutch, but they pressed on and established a 
post at Windsor. 

In 1635, John Steele led a company "out west" 
to Hartford, and Thomas Hooker, a clergyman, 
followed with his congregation, driving their stock 
before them. Hartford thus had quite a boom 
quite early in the seventeenth century. The 
Dutch were driven out of the Connecticut Valley, 
and began to look towards New York. 

Soon after this the Pequod War broke out. 
These Indians had hoped to form an alliance with 
the Narragansetts, but Roger Williams prevented 

this by seeing the Narra- 
gansett chief personally. 
Thus the Puritans had 
coals of fire heaped on 
their heads by their gen- 
tle pastor, until the odor 
of burning hair could be 
detected as far away as 
New Haven. 

The Pequods were thus 

compelled to fight alone, 

and Ca.ptain Mason by a foup 

d'etat surrounded their camp 

before daylight and entered 

v\ the palisades with the Indian 

** picket, who cried out "Owanux! 

Owanux !" meaning " Englishmei\, 




VBQUOD INOIAN on TUB WAR-PATM. 



THE EPISODE OF THE CHARTER OAK. 



65 



Englishmen," Mason and his men killed these 
Pequods and burned their lodges to the ground. 
There has never been a prosperous Pequod lodge 
since. Those who escaped to the forest were 
shot down like jack-rabbits as they fled, and there 
has been no Pequoding done since 
that time. 

The New^ Haven Colony was 
founded in 1638 by w^ealthy church 
members from abroad. They 
took the Bible as their stand- 
ard and statute. 
They had no other 
law. Only church 
members could 
vote, which was 
different from the 
arrangements in 
New York City in 
after-years. 

The Connecticut 
Colony had a reg- 
ular constitution, 
said to have been the first written constitution ever 
adopted by the people, framed for the people by 
the people. It was at once prosperous, and soon 
bought out the Saybrook Colony. 

In 1662 a royal charter w-as obtained which 
united the two above colonies and guaranteed to 

6*. 




GOVERNOR ANDROS. 



66 uisix^KY or r.VA rxnTP siATts 

the people the rignts agreed upon by them. It 
amounted to a duly-authenticated independence 
A quarter of a centun' atrenrards Govemor An- 
dros, m his other clothes and a reigning cvvit ot 
red and gT>ld trimmings, marched into the Assem- 
bly and demanded this prcx-ious charter. 

A long deh;.ite ensuevi. and. accv'^rviing to tradi- 
tion, while the members of the Assembly stood 
around the table faking a farewell look ai the 
charter, one of the largest members of the house 
fell on the gx^vemors breast and wept so copiously 
on his shirt-frill that harsh words were used by his 
Excellency : a general quarrel ensued, the lights 
went out. and when they were relighted the char- 
ter Wi\s gv»ne. 

Captain Wadsworth had taken it and concealed 
it in a hollow tree, since called the Charter Oak. 
After Anda>s was ejected from the Boston office, 
the charter was brought out again, and business 
under it was resumed. 

hnportant documents, however, should not be. 
as a gxMieral thing, secreted in trees. Ihe author 
once tried this while \x»uno^. and when eno^aoed 
to, or hoping to become engaged to. a dear one 
whose pa was a singularly coarse man and who 
hated a young man who came as a lover at his 
daughter's feet N\"ith nothing but a good education 
and his great big manly heart He wanted a son- 
in-law with a brewers- : and so he bribevi the bovs 



THE EPISODE OF THE CHARTER OAK. 



67 



of the neighborhood to break up a secret corre- 
spondence between the two young people and 
bring the mail to him. This was the cause of 
many a heart ache, and finally the marriage of 
the sweet young lady to a brewer who was mort- 




ntb's charter oak. 



gaged so deeply that he wandered off somewhere 
and never returned. Years afterwards the brew- 
ery needed repairs, and one of the large vats was 
found to contain all of the missing man that would 
not assimilate with the beer, — viz., his watch. 
Quite a number of people at that time quit the 
use of beer, and the author gave his hand in mar- 



f^ HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

riage to a wealthy young lady who was attracted 
by his gallantry and fresh young beauty. 

Roger Williams now settled at Providence 
Plantation, where he was joined by Mrs. Hutchin- 
son, who also believed that the church and state 
should not be united, but that the state should 
protect the church and that neither should under- 
take to boss the other. It was also held that 
religious qualifications should not be required of 
political aspirants, also that no man should be 
required to whittle his soul into a shape to fit the 
religious auger-hole of another. 

This was the beginning of Rhode Island. She 
desired at once to join the New England Colony, 
but was refused, as she had no charter. Plymouth 
claimed also to have jurisdiction over Rhode 
Island. This was very much like Plymouth. 

Having banished Roger Williams and Mrs. 
Hutchinson to be skinned by the Pequods and 
Narragansetts over at Narragansett Pier, they 
went on about their business, flogging Quakers, 
also ducking old women who had lumbago, and 
burning other women who would not answer affirm- 
atively when asked, " Be you a witch?" 

Then when Roger began to make improve- 
ments and draw the attention of Eastern capital 
to Rhode Island and to organize a State or Colony 
with a charter, Plymouth said, " Hold on, Roger: 
religiously we have cast you out, to live on wild 



THE EPISODE OF THE CHARTER OAK. 69 

Strawberries, clams, and Indians, but from a mer- 
cantile and political point of view you will please 
notice that we have a string which you will notice 
is attached to your wages and discoveries." 

Afterwards, however, Roger Williams obtained 
the necessary funds from admiring friends with 
which to go to England and obtain a charter 
which united the Colonies yet gave to all the first 




DUCKING OLD WOMEN. 



official right to liberty of conscience ever granted 
in Europe or America. Prior to that a man's 
conscience had a brass collar on it with the royal 
arms engraved thereon, and was kept picketed 
out in the king's grounds. The owner could go 
and look at it on Sundays, but he never had the 
use of it. 

With the advent of freedom of political opinion, 
the individual use of the conscience has become 



70 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

popularized, and the time is coming when it will 
grow to a great size under our wise institutions 
and fostering skies. Instead of turning over our 
consciences to the safety deposit company of a 
great political party or religious organization and 
taking the key in our pocket, let us have individ- 
ual charge of this useful little instrument and be 
able finally to answer for its growth or decay. 



The author wishes to extend his thanks for the use of books of refer- 
ence used in the collection of the foregoing facts ; among them, " How 
to Pay Expenses though Single," by a Social Leper, " How to Keep 
Well," by Methuselah, " Humor of Early Days," by Job, " Dangers of 
the Deep," by Noah, "General Peacefulness and Repose of the Dead 
Indian," by General Nelson A. Miles, *' Gulliver's Travels," and " Life 
and Public Services of the Jamts Boys." 



CHAPTER VII. 

THE DISCOVERY OF NEW YORK. 

THE author will now refer to the discover)'' of 
the Hudson River and the town of New York 
via Fort Lee and the 125th Street Ferry. 

New York was afterwards sold for twenty-four 
dollars, — the whole island. When I think of this 
I go into '^y family galler)', which I also use as a 
swear room, and tell those ancestors of mine what 
I think of them. Where were they when New 
York was sold for twenty-four dollars ? Were 
they having their portraits painted by Landseer, 
or their deposition taken by Jeffreys, or having 
their Little Lord Fauntleroy clothes made ? 

Do not encourage them to believe that they will 
escape me in future years. Some of them died 
unrecrenerate. and are now, I am told, in a coun- 
try where they may possibly be damned ; and I 
will attend to the others personally. 

Twent)'-four dollars for New York ! Why, my 

Croton-water tax on one house and lot ^vith fifty 

feet four and one-fourth inches front is fifty-nine 

dollars and no questions asked. Why, you can't 

get a voter for that now. 
7« 



THE DISCOVERY OF NEW YORK. 73 

Henry — or Hendrik — Hudson was an English 
navigator, of whose birth and early history nothing 
is known definitely, hence his name is never men- 
tioned in many of the best homes in New York. 

In 1607 he made a voyage in search of the 
Northwest Passage. In one of his voyages he 
discovered Cape Cod, and later on the Hudson 
River. 

This was one hundred and seventeen years 
after Columbus discovered America ; when shows 
that the discovering business was not pushed as 
it should have been by those who had it In charge. 

Hudson went up the river as far as Albany, 
but, finding no one there whom he knew, he 
hastened back as far as 209th Street West, and 
anchored. 

He discovered Hudson Bay and Hudson Strait, 
and made other journeys by water, though aquat- 
ting was then in its infancy. Afterwards his sailors 
became mutinous, and set Hendrik and his son, 
with seven infirm sailors, afloat. 

Ah ! Whom have we here ? (See next page.) 

It is Hendrik Hudson, who discovered the 
Hudson River. 

Here he has just landed at the foot of 209th 
Street, New York, where he offered the Indians 
liquor, but they refused. 

How 209th Street has changed ! 

The artist has been fortunate in getting the 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



expression of the Indians 
in the act of refusing. 
Mr. Hudson's great rep- 
utation lies in the fact 
that he discovered the 
river which bears his 
name ; but the thinking 
mind will at once regard 
the discovery of an In- 
dian who does not drink 
as far more wonderful. 

Some historians say 
that this especial delega- 
tion was swept away 
afterward by a pestilence, 
whilst others comment- 
ing on the incident main- 
tain that Hudson lied. 

It is the only histor- 
ical question regarding 
America not fully settled 
by this book. 

Nothing more was 
heard of him till he 
turned up in a thinking 
part in " Rip Van Win- 
kle." 

Many claims regarding 
the discovery of various 




THE DISCOVERY OF NEW YORK. 75 

parts of the United States had been previously 
made. The Cabots had discovered Labrador, the 
Spaniards the southern part of the United States ; 
the Norsemen had discovered Minneapolis, and 
Columbus had discovered San Salvador and gone 
home to meet a ninety-day note due in Palos for 
the use of the Pinta, which he had hired by the 
hour. 

But we are speaking of the discover)' of New 
York. 

About this time a solitary horseman might have 
been seen at West 209th Street, clothed in a little 
brief authority, and looking out to the west as he 
petulantly spoke in the Tammany dialect, then in 
the language of the blank-verse Indian. He be- 
gan, 'Another day of anxiety has passed, and 
yet we have not been discovered ! The Great 
Spirit tells me in the thunder of the surf and the 
roaring cataract of the Harlem that within a week 
we will be discovered for the first time." 

As he stands there aboard of his horse, one 
sees that he is a chief in ever}' respect and in 
life's great drama would naturally occupy the 
middle of the stage. It was at this moment that 
Hudson slipped dov.n the river from Albany past 
Fort Lee, and, dropping a nickel in the slot at 
125th Street, weighed his anchor at that place. 
As soon as he had landed and discovered the city, 
he was approached by the chief, who said, ' ' We 



76 HISTORY CF THE UNITED STATES. 

gates. I am one of the committee to show you 
our little town. I suppose you have a power of 
attorney, of course, for discovering us ?" 

"Yes." said Hudson. "As Columbus used to 
say when he discovered San Salvador. ' I do it by 
the right vested in me by my sovereigns.' 'That 
oversizes my pile by a sovereign and a half.' says 
one of the natives ; and so. if you have not heard 
it. there is a good thing for one of your dinner- 
speeches here." 

"Very good." said the chief as they jogged 
down-town on a swift Sixth Avenue elevated train 
towards the wigwams on 14th Street, and going at 
the rate of four miles an hour. " We do not care 
especially who discovers us, so long as we hold 
control of the city organization. How about that. 
Hank?" 

"That will be satisfactory." said Mr. Hudson, 
taking a package of imported cheese and eating 
it, so that they could have the car to themselves. 

" We will take the departments, such as Police, 
Street-Cleaning, etc.. etc., etc., while you and 
Columbus get your pictures on the currency and 
have your graves mussed up on anniversaries. 
We get the two-moment horses and the country 
chateaux on the Bronx. Sabe?" 

"Tlwt is. you do not care whose portrait is on 
tfeie currency." said Hudson, " so you get the cur- 



THE DISCOVERY OF NEW YORK. 77 

Said the man, '* That is the sense of the meet- 

• >» 
ing. 

Thus was New York discovered via Albany and 
Fort Lee, and five minutes after the two touched 
glasses, the brim of the schoppin and the Man- 
hattan cocktail tinkled together, and New York 
was inaugurated. 

Obtaining a gentle and philanthropical gentle- 
man who knew too well the city by gas-light, they 
saw the town so thoroughly that nearly every 
building in the morning wore a bright red sign 
which read, — 



Beware of Paint. 



J 



Regarding the question as to who has the right 
to claim the priority of discovery of New York, I 
unite with one of the ablest historians now living 
in stating that I do not know. 

Here and there throughout the work of all 
o-reat historians who are frank and honest, chap- 
ter after chapter of information like this will burst 
forth upon the eye of the surprised and delighted 
reader. 

Society at the time of the discovery of the 
blank-verse Indian of America was crude. Hud- 
son's arrival, of course, among older citizens soon 

n* . 



7« 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




CLUB LIFE IN EARLY NEW YORK. 



called out those who desired his acquaint- 
ance, but he noticed that club life 
was not what it has 
since become, espe 
cially Indian club 
life. 

He found a nation 
whose regular job 
was war and whose 
religion was the ever- 
present prayer that 
they might eat the heart of their enemy plain. 

The Indian High School and Young Ladies' 
Seminary captured by Columbus, as shown in the 
pictures of his arrival at home and his presentation 
to the royal pair one hundred and seventeen years 
before this, it is said, brought a royal flush to the 
face of King Ferdie, who had been well brought 
up. 

This can be readily understood when we 
remember that the Indian wore at court a 
court plaster, a parlor-lamp-shade in stormy wea- 
ther, made of lawn grass, or a surcingle of front 
teeth. 

They were shown also in all these paintings as 
graceful and beautiful in figure ; but in those days 
when the Pocahontas girls went barefooted till the 
age of eighty-nine years, chewed tobacco, kept 
Lent all winter and then ate a brace of middle- 



THE DISCOVERY OF NEW YORK. 



79 



aged men for Easter, the figure must have been 
affected by this irregularity of meals. 

Unless the Pocahontas of the present day has 
fallen off sadly in her carriage and beauty, to be 
saved from death by her, as Smith was, and feel 




TUB INDIAN GIRL OF STORT. 



THE INDIAN CIHL OF PACT. 



that she therefore had a claim on him. must have 
given one nervous prostration, paresis, and in- 
somnia. 

The Indian and the white race never really 
united or amalgamated outside of Canada. The 
Indian has always held aloof from us, and even as 



///sn^xr OF r^E ry/TFD sr.^rEs. 



late as Sitting Bulls time that noted cavaln* otHcer 
said to the author that the white pev^ple who sim- 
ply came over in the Ma^tlower could not marry 
into his family on that ground. He ^vanted to 

know why they Aj^if to come 
over in the Mayflower. 
*• We were here. ' said tho 




— y'V^^ 








aged ^^'a^rior. as he stole a bacon-rind which i 
used for lubricating- my saw. and ate it thought- 
fully, "we were here and helped Adam 'round 
up' and brand his animals. We are an old &in- 
ily, and never did manual labor. We are iust as 
poor and proud and indolent as those who are 
of noble blood. We know we are of noble blood 
because we have to take sarsaparilla all the tio** 



THE D/SCOVh.RY OF NEW YOHK. 8 1 

We claim Uj come hy direct descent Irom Job, 
of whom thfi inspired writer says, — 

"Old Job he wa« a fine young lad, 
Sing Glory hallelujah. 
His heart wab good, jjul his blood wab bad. 
Sing Glory hallelujah." * 



*'ihis) 18 a starixa from the works of Demphter WinterboUom Wood- 
worth, M.D., of Elliworth, Pierce County, WLsconwri, author of the 
" Diary of Judge Pierce," and " Ivife and Tirnen of Melanctbon Klingen 
•mith." 'Hie thank.s of the author are aluo due to Baldy Sow*rt. fo> 
a loaned copy of " How to K«M;p \\\> a Pleasing Ojrre^pori'lerK*: •'i^hou 
Cotiveyiug Information," i$vo, bevelled lx>ardb, published by Publit^'l'tftW 



CHAPTER VIII. 

THE DUTCH AT NEW AMSTERDAM. 

SOON after the discovery of the Hudson, 
Dutch ships began to visit that region, to 
traffic in furs with the Indians. Some huts 
were erected by these traders on Manhattan Island 
in 1 613, and a trading-post was established in 
161 5. Relics of these times are frequently turned 
up yet on Broadway while putting in new pipes, 
or taking out old pipes, or repairing other pipes, 
or laying plans for yet other pipes, or looking in 
the earth to see that the original pipes have not 
been taken away. 

Afterwards the West India Company obtained 
a grant of New Netherland, and New Amster- 
dam was fairly started. In 1626, Minuit, the first 
governor, arrived, and, as we have stated, pur- 
chased the entire city of New York of the Indians 
for twenty-four dollars. 

Then trouble sprang up between the Dutch and 
the Swedes on the Delaware over the possession 
of Manhattan, and when the two tribes got to 
conversing with each other over their rights, using 

the mother-tongue on both sides, it reminded one 

82 



84 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

of the Chicago wheat market when business is 
good. The English en the Connecticut also saw 
that Manhattan was going to boom as soon as the 
Indians could be got farther west, and that prop- 
erty would be high there. 

Peter Stuyvesant was the last Dutch governor 
of New York. He was a relative of mine. He 
disliked the English very much. They annoyed 
him with their democratic ideas and made his life 
a perfect hell to him. He would be sorry to see 
the way our folks have since begun to imitate the 
English. I can almost see him rising in his grave 
to note how the Stuyvesants in full cry pursue the 
affrighted anise-seed bag, or with their coaching 
outfits go tooling along 'cross country, stopping 
at the inns on the way and unlimbering their port- 
able bath-tubs to check them with the " dark." 

Pete, you did well to die early. You would 
not have been happy here now. 

While Governor Stuyvesant was in hot -""ater 
with the English, the Swedes, and the Indians, a 
fleet anchored in the harbor and demanded the 
surrender of the place in the name of the Duke 
of York, who wished to use it for a game pre- 
serve. After a hot fight with his council, some 
of whom were willing even then to submit to 
English rule and hoped that the fleet might have 
two or three suits of tweed which by mistake were 
a fit and therefore useless to the owners, and that 



THE DUTCH AT NEW AMSTERDAM. 85 

they might succeed in swapping furs for these, 
the governor yielded, and in 1664 New York 
became a British possession, named as above. 

The EngUsh governors, however, were not pop- 
ular. They were mostly political hacks who were 
pests at home and banished to New York, where 
the noise of the streets soon drove them to drink. 
For nine years this sort of thing went on, until 
one day a Dutch fleet anchored near the Staten 
Island brewery and in the evening took the 
town. 

However, in the year following, peace was re- 
stored between England and Holland, and New 
Amsterdam became New York again, also subject 
to the Tammany rule. 

Andros was governor for a dme, but was a sort 
of pompous tomtit, with a short breath and a large 
aquiline opinion of himself. He was one of the 
arrogant old pie-plants whose growth was fostered 
by the beetle-bellied administration at home. He 
went back on board the City of Rome one day, 
and did not return. 

New York had a gleam of hope for civil free- 
dom under the rule of the Duke of York and the 
county Democracy, but when the duke became 
James II. he was just like other people who get a 
raise of salary, and refused to be privately enter- 
tained by the self-made ancestry of the American. 
He was proud and arrogant to a degree. He 



86 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




DUKK OV YOHK. 



forbade legislation, and stopped his 
paper. New York was at this time 
annexed to the New England Col- 
ony, and began keeping the Sab- 
bath so vigorously that the angels 
had great difficulty in getting at it. 
Nicholson, who was the ^euten- 
ant tool of iniquity for Andros, 
lied with him when democracy got 
too hot for them. Captain Leisler, 
supported by Steve Brodie and 
everything south of the Harlem, 
but bitterly opposed by the aris- 
tocracy, who were distinguished by 
their ability to use new goods in making their 
children's clothes, whereas the democracy had to 
make vests for the boys from the cast-off trou- 
sers of their fathers, governed the province until 
Governor Sloughter arrived. 

Sloughter was another imported Smearkase in 
official life, and arrested Leisler at the request 
of an aristocrat who drove a pair of bang-tail 
horses up and down Nassau Street on pleasant 
afternoons and was afterwards collector of the 
port. Having arrested Leisler for treason, the 
governor was a little timid about executing him, 
for he had never really killed a man in his life, 
and he hated the sight of blood ; so Leisler's ene- 
mies got the governor to take dinner with them, 



THE DUTCH AT NEW AMSTERDAM. 



87 



and mixed his rum. so that when he got ready 
to speak, his remarks were somewhat heteroge- 
neous, and before he went home he had signed 
a warrant for Leisler's immediate execution. 




GOVERNOR SLOUGHTER S PAINFUL AWAKENING. 



When he awoke in the morning at his beautiful 
home on Whitehall Street, the sun was gayly 
glinting the choppy waves of Buttermilk Channel, 
and by his watch, which had run down, he saw 
that it was one o'clock, but whether it was one 
o'clock A.M. or P.M. he did not know, nor whether 
it was next Saturday or Tuesday before last. Oh, 
how he must have felt I 



88 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

His room was dark, the gas having gone out to 
get better air. He attempted to rise, but a chill, 
a throb, a groan, and back he lay hastily on the 
bed just as it was on the point of escaping him. 
Suddenly a thought came to him. It was not a 
great thought, but it was such a thought as comes 
to those who have been thoughtless. He called 
for a blackamoor slave from abroad who did 
chores for him, and ordered a bottle of cooking 
brandy, then some club soda he had brought from 
London with him. Next he drank a celery-glass 
of it, and after that he felt better. He then drank 
another. 

" Keep out of the way of this bed, Julius," he 
said. "It is coming around that way again. Step 
to one side, Julius, please, and let the bed walk 
around and stretch its legs. I never saw a bed 
spread itself so," he continued, seeming to enjoy 
his own Lancashire humor. "All night I seemed 
to feel a great pain creeping over me, Julius," he 
said, hesitatingly, again filling his celery-glass, 
"but I see now that it was a counterpane." 

Eighty years after that, Sloughter was a corpse. 

We should learn from this not to be too hasty 
in selecting our birthplaces. Had he been born 
in America, he might have been alive yet. 

From this on the struggles of the people up to 
the time of the Revolution were enough to mortify 
the reader almost to death. I will not go over 



THE DUTCH AT NEW AMSTERDAM. 



89 



them again. It was the history of all the other 
Colonies ; poor, proud, with large masses of chil- 
dren clustering about, and Indians lurking in the 
out-buildings. The mother-country was negligent, 
and even cruel. Her political offscourings were 
sent to rule the people. The cranberry-crops 
soured on the vines, and times were very scarce. 

It was during this period that Captain William 
Kidd, a New York ship-master and anti-snapper 
from Mulberry Street, was sent out to overtake 
and punish a few of the innumerable pirates who 
then infested the high seas. 

Studying first the character, life, and public 
services of the immoral pirate, and being perfectly 
foot-loose, his wife having eloped with her family 
physician, he determined to take a little 
whirl at the business himself, hoping 
thereby to escape the noise and heat '^'^^ 
of New York and obtain a 
livelihood while life lasted 
which would maintain 
him the remainder of 
his days unless death 
overtook him. 

Dropping oft^ at Bos- 
ton one day to secure a 
supply of tobacco, he * 
was captured while 
watching the vast num- 




KVB AS A BOY REAPING ABOUT KIDS- 



8* 



90 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



ber of street-cars on Washington Street. He 
was taken to England, where he was tried and 
ultimately hanged. His sudden and sickening 
death did much to discourage an American 




CAPTAIN KIDD ARRESTED. 



youth of great brilliancy who had up to 1 868 in- 
tended to be a pirate, but who, stumbling across 
the " Life and Times of Captain Kidd. and his 
Awful Death," changed his whole course and be- 
came one of the ablest historians of the age in 
which he lived. 



THE DUTCH AT NEW AMSTERDAM. 9I 

This should teach us to read the papers instead 
of loaning them to people who do not subscribe. 



Since the above was written, the account of the death of Governor 
Andres is flashed across the wires to us. ^"^rbnin sap. Also In hoc n^io 
vinces. 

The author wishes to express by this means his grateful acknowledg- 
ments to his friends and the public generally for the great turn-out and 
general sympathy bestowed upon his relative, the late Peter B. Stuyvesanl, 
on the sad occai-ion of his funeral, which was said to be one of the best 
attended and most successful funerals before the war. Should any oT his 
friends be caught in the same fix, the author will not only cheerfully turn 
out himself, but send all hands from his place that can be spared, alsc a 
six-seated wagon and a side-bar buggy. 



CHAPTER IX. 



SETTLEMENT OF THE MIDDLE STATES. 



THE present State of 
New Jersey was a 
part of New Neth- 
erland. and the Dutch 
had a trading -post at 
Bergen as early as 1618. 
After New Netherland 
passed into the hands 
of the Dutch, the Duke 
' %^ of York gave the land 
lying between the Hud- 
son and the Delaware to 
Lord Berkeley and Sir 
George Carteret for 
Christmas. 

The first permanent English settlement made 
in the State was at Elizabethtown, named so in 
honor of Sir George's first wife. 

Berkeley sold his part to some English Qua- 
kers. This part was called West Jersey. He 
claimed that it was too far from town. It was 
very hard for a lord to clear up land, and Berkeley 

92 




BERKELEY IN NEW JERSEY. 



SETTLEMENT OF THE MIDDLE STATES. 93 

missed his evenings at the Savage Club, and his 
nose yearned for a good wliiff of real old Rotten 
Row fog. 

So many disputes arose regarding the title to 
Jersey that the whole thing finally reverted to the 
crown in 1702, When there was any trouble over 
titles in those days it was always settled by letting 
it revert to the crown. It has been some years now, 
however, since that has happened in this country. 

Thirty-six years later New Jersey was set apart 
as a separate royal province, and became a rail- 
road terminus and bathing-place. 

Delaware was settled by the Swedes at Wil- 
mington first, and called New Sweden. I am 
surprised that the Norsemen, who it is claimed 
made the first and least expensive summer at 
Newport, R. I., should not have clung to it. 




CMKAfKST MBWPORT ^BASUM 



94 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

They could have made a good investment, and 
in a few years would have been strong enough to 
wipe out the Brooklyn police. 

The Swedes, too. had a good foothold in New 
York, Jersey, and Delaware, also a start in Penn- 
sylvania. But the two nations seemed to yearn 
for home, and as soon as boats began to run regu- 
larly to Stockholm and Christiania, they returned. 
In later years they discovered Minneapolis and 
Stillwater. 

William Penn now loomed up on the horizon 
He was an English Quaker who had been ex- 
pelled from Oxford and jugged in Cork also for 
his relimous belief. He was the son of Admiral 
Sir William Penn, and had a oood record. He 
believed that elocutionary prayer was unnecessary, 
and that the acoustics of heaven were such that 
the vilest sinner with no voice-culture could be 
heard in the remotest portion of the gallery. 

The only thing that has been said against Penn 
with any sort of semblance of truth was that he 
had some influence with James II. The Duke of 
York also stood in with Penn, and used to go 
about in England bailing William out whenever 
he was jailed on account of his religious belief. 

Penn was quite a writer (see Appendix). He 
was the author of "No Cross, No Crown," " In- 
nocency with her Open Face," and "The Great 
Cause of Liberty of Conscience." 



SETTLEMENT OF THE MIDDLE STATES. 95 

From his father he had inherited a claim against 
the government for sixteen thousand pounds, 
probably arrears of pension. He finally received 
the State of Pennsylvania as payment of the 
claim. The western boundary took in the Cliff 
House and Seal Rocks of .San Francisco. 

Penn came to America in 1682 and bought his 
land over again from the Indians. It is not strange 
that he got the best terms he could out of the 
Indians, but still it is claimed that they were satis- 
fied, therefore he did not cheat them. 

The Indian, as will be noticed by reading these 
pages thoughtfully, was ne\er a Napoleon of 
finance. He is that way down to the present day. 
If you watch him carefully and notice his ways, 
you can dicker with him to better advantage than 
you can with Russell Sage. 

Take the Indian just before breakfast after two 
or three nights of debauchery, and offer him a jug 
of absinthe with a horned toad in it for his pony and 
saddle, and you will get them. Even in his more 
sober and thoughtful moments you can swap a 
suit of red medicated flannels with him for a farm. 

Penn ofathered about him many different kinds 
of people, with various sorts and shades of belief. 
Some were Free-Will and some were Hard-Shell. 
some were High-Church and reminded one of a 
Masonic Lodge working at 32°, while others were 
Low-Church and omitted crossing themselves fre- 



96 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




A FEW OF PENN's PROPLE. 



quently while putting 

down a new carpet in 

the chancel. 

But he was too well 

known at court, and 
suspected 
of knowl 
edge of 
and par- 
ticipation 
in some of 
the ques- 
tionable 
acts of 



King James, so that after the latter' s dethrone- 
ment, and an intimation that Penn had communi- 
cated with the exiled monarch, Penn was deprived 
of his title to Pennsylvania, for which he had 
twice paid. 

Penn was a constant sufferer at the hands of 
his associates, who sought to injure him in every 
way. He rounded out a life of suffering by 
marrying the second time in 1695. 

In 1708 he was on the verge of bankruptcy 
owing to the villany and mismanagement of lii» 
agent, and was thrown into Fleet Street Prison, 
a jail in which he had never before been confined. 
His health gave way afterwards, and this remark- 
able man died July 30, 17 18. 



SETTLEMENT OF THE MIDDLE STATES. 97 

Philadelphia was founded in 1683 ^^^ work 
begun on a beautiful building known as the City 
Hall. Work has steadily progressed on this 
building from time to time since then, and at this 
writing it is so near completion as to give promise 
of being one of the most perfect architectural jobs 
ever done by the hand of man. 

In two years Philadelphia had sprung from a 
wilderness, where the rank thistle nodded in the 
wind, to a town of over two thousand people, 
exclusive of Indians not taxed. In three years 
it had gained more than New York had in fifty 
years. This was due to the fact that the people 
who came to Philadelphia had nothing to fear but 
the Indians, while settlers in New York had not 
only the Indians to defend themselves against, 
but the police also. 

Penn and his followers established the great 
law that no one who believed in Almighty God 
should be molested in his religious belief. Even 
the Indians liked Penn, and when the nights were 
cold they would come and crawl into his bed and 
sleep with him all night and not kill him at all. 
The Great Chief of the Tribes, even, did not feel 
above this, and the two used frequently to lie and 
talk for hours, Penn doing the talking and the 
chief doing the lying. 

it is said that, with all the Indian massacres and 
long wars between the red men and the white, no 



9? 



HrSTORV OF THE VNTTED STATES. 



drop of Quaker blood was e\er shed. 1 quote 
this from an historian who is much older than I. 
and with whom I do not wish to have any contro- 
versy. 

After Penn's deatii his heirs ran the Colony up 
to 1779. when tliey disposed of it for live hundred 




PKCK AND THE BKI CHIRK. 



thousand dollars or thereabouts, and the State 
became the proprietor. 

The seventeenth centur\^ must have been a very 
disagreeable period for people who professed re- 
lics-ion. for America from Newfoundland to Florida 
was dotted with little settlements almost entirely 
made up of people who had escaped from England 
to secure religious freedom at the risk of tlieif 
lives. 



SETTLEMENT OF THE MIDDLE STATES. 99 

In 1634 tlie first settlement was made by young 
Lord Baltiniore, whose people, the Catholics, were 
fleeing troni England to obtain freedom to worship 
God as they believed to be right. Thus the Cath- 
olics were added to the list of religious refugees, 
— viz., the Huguenots, the Puritans, the Walloons. 
the Quakers, die Presbyterians, the Whigs, and 
the Menthol Healers. 

Terra Mariae, or Maryland, was granted to Lord 
Baltimore, as the successor of his fiither, who had 
beo-un before his death the movement for settling 
his people in America. The charter ga\'e td all 
freemen a voice in making the laws. Among the 
first laws passed was one giving to every human 
being upon payment of poll-tax the right to wor- 
ship freely according to the dictates of his own 
conscience. America tiius became the refuge for 
those who had any peculiarity of religious belief, 
until to-day no doubt more varieties of religion 
may be found here than almost anywhere else in 
the world. 

In 1635 the Virginia Colony and Lord Baltimore 
had some words over the boundaries between the 
Jamestown and Maryland Colonies. Clayborne 
was the Jamestown man who made the most 
trouble. He had started a couple of town sites 
on the Maryland tract, plotted them, and sold lots 
to Yorkshire tenderfeet. and so when Lord Balti- 
more claimed the lands Clayborne attacked him, 



lOO HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

and there was a running skirmish for several 
years, till at last the Rebellion collapsed in 1645 
and Clayborne tied. 

The Protestants now held the best hand, and 
outvoted the Catholics, so up to 1691 there was 
a never-dying fight between the two, which must 
have been entertaining to the unregenerate out- 
sider who was taxed to pay for a double set of 
les^islators. This fioht between the Catholics and 
Protestants shows that intolerance is not confined 
to a monarchy. 

In 1715 the fourth Lord Baltimore recovered 
the government by the aid of the police, and 
religious toleration was restored. Maryland re- 
mained under this system of government until 
the Revolution, which will be referred to later 
on in the most thrilling set of original pictures 
and word-paintings that the reader has e\er met 
with. 

QUESTIONS FOR EXAMINATION. 

Q. Who was William Pean ? 
A. He founded Pennsylvania. 
Q. Was he a great tighier ? 

A. No. He was a peaceable man, and did not believe in killing men 
or fighting. 

Q. Would he have fought for a purse of forty thousand dollars ^ 

A. No. He could do better buying coal lands of the Indians. 

Q. ^^'hat is religious freedom ? 

A. It is the art of giving intolerance a little more roiMD. 

Q. Who was Lord Baltimore- ? 

A. See foragQing chaptoi. 



SETTLEMENT OF THE MIDDLE STATES. lOI 

Q. What do you understand by rebellion ? 

>4. It is an unsuccessful attempt by armed subjects to overcome the 
parent government. 

Q, Is it right or wrong ? 

A. I do not know, but ^411 go and ioquire. 



CHAPTER A. 

THE EARLY ARISTOCRACY. 

LORD CLARENDON and several other noble- 
J men in 1663 obtained from Charles II. a 
grant of lands lying south of Virginia which 
they called Carolina in honor of the king, whose 
name was not really Carolina. Possibly that was 
his middle name, however, or his name in Latin. 

The Albemarle Colony was first on the ground 
Then there was a Carteret Colony in 1670. They 
" removed the ancient groves covered with yellow 
jessamine" on the Ashley, and began to build on 
the present site of Charleston. 

The historian remarks that the growth of this 
Colony was rapid from the first. The Dutch, dis- 
satisfied with the way matters were conducted in 
New York, and worn out when shopping by the 
ennui and impudence of the salesladies, came to 
Charleston in large numbers, and the Huguenots 
in Charleston found a hearty Southern welcome, 
and did their trading there altogether. 

We now pass on to speak of thfi Gr:^d Model 
which was set up as a five-cent aristocracy b^ 
Lord Shaftesbury and the great philosopher John 



THE EARLY ARISTOCRACY, 



103 



Locke. The canebrakes and swamps of the wild 
and snake-infested jungles of the wilderness were 
to be divided into vast estates, over which were 
proprietors with hereditary titles and outing flan- 
nels. 

This scheme recognized no rights of self-gov- 
ernment whatever, and denied the very freedom 




ARISTOCRACY SNUBBED. 



which the people came there in search of. So 
there were murmurings among those people who 
had not brought their finger-bowls and equerries 
with them. 

In short, aristocracy did not do well on this soil. 
Baronial castles, with hot and cold water in them, 
were often neglected, because the colonists would 
not forsake their own lands to the thistle and blue- 



I04 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

nosed brier in order to come and cook victuals for 
the baronial castles or sweep out the baronial 
halls and wax the baronial floors for a journey- 
man juke who ate custard pie with a knife and 
drank tea from his saucer through a King Charles 
moustache. 

Thus the aristocracy was forced to close its 
doors, and the arms of Lord Shaftesbury were so 
humiliated that he could no longer put up his 
dukes (see Appendix). 

There had also been a great deal of friction 
between the Albemarle or Carteret and the 
Charleston set, the former being from Virginia, 
while the latter was, as we have seen, a little 
given to kindergarten aristocracy and ofttimes 
tripped up on their parade swords while at the 
plough. Of course outside of this were the ple- 
beian people, or copperas-culottes, who did the 
work ; but Lord Shaftesbury for some time, as we 
have seen, lived in a baronial shed and had his 
arms worked on the left breast of his nighty. 

So these two Colonies finally became separate 
States in the Union, though there is yet something 
of the same feeling between the people. Wealthy 
people come to the mountains of North Carolina 
from South Carolina for the cool summer breezes 
of the Old North State, and have to pay two dol- 
lars per breeze even up to the past summer. 

Thus there was constant irritation and disgust 



THE EARLY ARISTOCRACY, 



IO$ 



Up to 1729 at least, regarding taxes, rents, and 
rights, until, as the historian says, "the discour- 
aged Proprietors ceded their rights to the crown." 
It will be noticed that the crown was well ceded 
by this time, and the poet's remark seems at this 




TWO DOLLARS FBR BRBBXB. 



time far grander and more apropos than any lan- 
guage of the writer could be : so it is given here, 
" Uneasy lies the head that wears a seedy 
(See Appendix.) 



-VIZ. 



crown. 



The year of Washington's birth, viz., 1732, wit- 
nessed the birth of the baby colony of Georgia. 
James Oglethorpe, a kir d-hearted man, with a wig 



I06 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




that fooled more than one poot 

child of the forest, conceived the 

idea of founding a refuge foi 

Englishmen who could not pay up. The 

laws were very arbitrary then, and harsh 

to a degree. Many were imprisoned then 

in England for debt, but those who visit 

London now will notice that they 

are at liberty. 

Oglethorpe was an officer and 
gentleman, and this scheme 
g^ ^ •_ /T^v r\ ^ showed his generous na- 

^ ^JNf /l(/\ * hs^ i^,M ture and philanthropic dis- 
position. George II. 
granted him in trust 
for the poor a tract of 
land called, in honor 
of the king, Georgie, which 
has recently been changed 
to Georgia. The enterprise 
prospered remarkably, and 
generous and charitable peo 
pie aided it in every possible 
way. People who had not 
been able for years to pay their debts came to 
Georgia and bought large tracts of land or begar 
merchandising wdth the Indians. Thousands of 
acres of rich cotton-lands were exchanged by th** 
Indians for orders on 'die store, they giving war 



OGLRTHORPE S WIG. 



THE EARLY ARISTOCRACY. 



107 




NOT PAID THEIR DEBTS FOR YEARS. 



ranty deeds to same, reserving only the rights of 
piscary and massacre. 

Oglethorpe got along with the Indians first-rate, 
and won their ft-iendship. One great chief, having 
received a present from Oglethorpe consisting of 
a manicure set, on the following Christmas gave 
Oglethorpe a beautiful buffalo robe, on the inside 
of which were painted an eagle and a portable 
bath-tub, signifying, as the chief stated, that the 
buffaio was the emblem of strength, the eagle of 
swiftness, and the bath-tub the advertisement of 
cleanliness. " Thus," said the chief, " the English 
are strong as the buffalo, swift as the eagle, and 
love to convey the idea that they are just about 



io8 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




TUB MOSQUITOES LIKED THE COSTUMR. 



to take a bath when you came 
and interrupted them. " 

The Moravians also came to 
Georgia, and the Scotch High- 
landers. On the arrival of the 
latter, the Georgia mosquitoes 
held a mass meeting, at which 
speeches were made, and songs 
sung, and resolutions adopted 
making the Highland uniform 
the approved costume for the 
entire coast during summer. 
George Whitefield the elo- 
quent, who often addressed audiences (even in 
those days, when advertising was still in its in- 
fancy and the advance agent was unheard of) 
of from five thousand to forty thousand people, 
founded an orphan asylum. One audience con- 
sisted of sixty thousand people. The money from 
this work all went to help and sustain the orphan 
asylum. While reading of him we are reminded 
of our own Dr. Talmage, who is said to be the 
wealthiest apostle on the road. 

The trustees of Georgia limited the size of a 
man's farm, did not allow women to inherit land, 
and forbade the importation of rum or of slaves. 
Several of these rules were afterwards altered, so 
that as late as 1893 ^^ least a gentleman from 
Washington, D.C., well known for his truth and 



THE EARLY ARISTOCRACY. 109 

honesty, saw rum inside the State twice, though 
Bourbon whiskey was preferred. Slaves also were 
found inside the State, and the negro is seen there 
even now ; but the popularity of a negro baby is 
nothing now to what it was at the time when this 
class of goods went up to the top notch. 

Need 1 add that after a while the people be- 
came dissatisfied with these rules and finally the 
whole matter was ceded to the crown? trom 
this time on Georgia remained a royal province 
up to the Revolution. Since that very little has 
been said about ceding it to the crown. 

North Carolina also remained an Enghsh colony 
up to the same period, and. though one of the 
original thirteen Colonies, is still far more sparsely 
settled than some of the Western States 

Virginia Dare was the first white child born in 
America. She selected Roanoke, now in North 
Carolina, in August, 1587. as her birthplace. 
She was a grand-daughter of the Governor John 
White. Her fate, like that of the rest of the 
colony, is un'-nown to this day. 

The author be,= leave to express hi. thanks here for the valuable aAd 
fu Juhed Lm by the following works,_viz. : " The Horse and h.s D,s- 
" hv Mr Astor- "Life and Times of John Oglethorpe," by Eha. 
rSerSt ^-HoTt; Make the Garden Pay," by Pe- Henderson ; 
l^Overh" Purple Hills," by Mrs. Churchill, of Denver, Colorado a^ 
.He Played on the Harp of a Thousand Strings, and the Spmts of Just 
Men Made Perfect," by S. P. Aveiy. 



va 



CHAPTER XL 

INTERCOLONIAL AND INDIAN WARS. 

INTERCOLONIAL and Indian wars furnished 
excitement now from 1 689 into the early part 
of the eighteenth century. War broke out 
in Europe between the French and English, and 
the Colonies had to take sides, as did also the 
Indians. 

Canadians and Indians would come down into 
York State or New England, burn a town, toma- 
hawk quite a number of people, then go back on 
snow-shoes, having entered the town on rubbers, 
like a decayed show with no printing. 

There was an attack on Haverhill in March, 

1697, and a Mr. Dustin was at work in the field. 

He ran to his house and got his seven children 

ahead of him, while with his gun he protected 

their rear till he got them away safely. Mrs. 

Dustin, however, who ran back into the house to 

remove a pie from the oven as she feared it was 

burning, was captured, and, Math a boy of the 

neighborhood, taken to an island in the Merrimac, 

where the Indians camped. At night she woke 

the boy, told hka how to hit slq. ladiajn with a toma- 
110 



INTERCOLONIAL AND INDIAN WARS. HI 

hawk so that " the subsequent proceedings would 
interest him no more," and that evening the two 
stole forth while the ten Indians slept, knocked in 
their thinks, scalped them to prove their story, 
and passed on to safety. Mrs. Dustin kept those 
scalps for many years, showing them to her friends 
to amuse them. 

King William's War lasted eight years. Queen 
Anne's War lasted from 1 702 to 1 7 1 3. The brunt 
of this war fell on New England. Our forefathers 
had to live in block-houses, with barbed-wire fences 
around them, and carry their guns with them all 
the time. From planting the Indian with a shot- 
gun, they soon got to planting their corn with the 
same agricultural instrument in the stony soil. 

The French and Spanish tried to take Charles- 
ton in 1706, but were repulsed with great loss, 
consisting principally of time which they might 
have employed in raising frogs' legs and tanta- 
lizing a bull at so much per tant. 

This war lasted eleven years, including stops, 
and was ended by the treaty of Utrecht (pro- 
nounced you-trecked) . 

After this, what was called the Spanish War 
continued between England and Spain for some 
time. An attempt to capture Georgia was made, 
and a garrison established itself there, with good 
prospects of taking in the State under Spanish 
rule, but our able friend Oglethorpe, the Henrj^ 



ii3 



HISTORY OF THE UN J TED STATES. 



W. Grady of his time, managed to 
accidentally mislay a letter which fell 
into the enemy's hands, the contents 
of which showed that enormous re- 
inforcements were expected at any 
moment. This was swallowed com- 
fortably by the commander, who blew 
up his impregnable works, changed the 
address of his Atlanta Constitution, and 
sailed for home. 

Oglethorpe wore a wig, but was 
otherwise one of our greatest minds. 
It is said that anybody at a distance 
of two miles on a clear day could 
readily distinguish that it was a wig, 
and yet he died believing that no one 
had ever probed his great mystery and 
that his wig would rise with him at the 
playing of the last trump. 

King George's War, which extended 
over four years, succeeded, but did not 
amount to anything except the capture of Cape 
Breton by English and Colonial troops. Cape 
Breton was called the Gibraltar of America ; but 
a Yankee farmer who has raised flax on an upright 
farm for twenty years does not mind scaling a 
couple of Gibraltars before breakfast ; so, without 
any West Point knowledge regarding engineering, 
they walked up the hill» and those who were alive 




BLIBVING HIS WIG WOULD 
fllSB WITH HIM. 



INTERCOLONIAL AND INDIAN WARS. II3 

when they got to the top took it. It was no 
Balaklava business and no dumb animal show, 
but simply revealed the fact that brave men fight- 
ing for their eight-dollar homes and a mass of 
children are disagreeable people to meet on the 
battle-field. 

The French and Indian War lasted nine years, 
— viz., from 1754 to 1763. From Quebec to New 
Orleans the French owned the land, and mixed 
up a good deal socially with the Indians, so that 
the slender settlement along the coast had arrayed 
against it this vast line of northern and western 
forts, and the Indians, who were mostly friendly 
with the French, united with them in several in- 
stances and showed them some new styles of 
barbarism which up to that time they had never 
known about. 

The half-breed is always half French and half 
Indian. 

The English owned all lands lying on one side 
of the Ohio, the French on the other, which led a 
great chief to make a P. P. C. call on Governor 
Dinwiddie, and during the conversation to inquire 
with some ?iah>ete where the Indian came in. No 
answer was ever received. 

We pause here to ask the question. Why did 
the pale-face usurp the lands of the Indians with 
out remuneration ? It was because the Indian was 
not orthodox. He may have been lazy from a 



114 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



Puritanical stand-point, and he may also havi 
hunted on the twenty-seventh Sunday after Eas- 
ter ; but still was it not right that he should have 
received a dollar or two per county for the United 
States ? No one would have felt it, and possibly 
it might have saved the lives of innocent people. 

Verbiim sap,, however, comes in here with 
peculiar appropriateness, and the massive-browed 
historian passes on. 

The French had three forts along in the Middle 
States, as they are now called, and Western Penn- 
sylvania ; and George Washington, of whom more 
will be said in the twelfth chapter, was sent to ask 
the French to remove these forts. He started at 
once. 

The commanders were some of them arrogant, 
but the general, St. Pierre, 
treated him with great re- 
let, refusing, however, 
yield the ground dis- 
covered by La Salle 
and Marquette. The 
author had the 
pleasure of be- 
ing arrested in 
Paris in 1889, 
and he feels of a 
truth, as he often 

■ a*» BMNG ARRESTED IN PARIS UOCS, inat tnCrf^ 




INTERCOLONIAL AND INDIAN WARS. 115 



can be no more polite people in the world than 
the French. Arrested under all circumstances 
and in many lands, the author can place his hand 
on his heart and say that he would go hundreds 
of miles to be arrested by a John Darm. 

Washington returned four hundred miles 
through every kind of danger, including a lunch 
at Altoona, where he stopped twenty minutes. 

The following spring Washington was sent 
under General Fry to drive out the French, who 
had started farming at Pittsburg. F'ry died, and 
Washington took command. He 
liked it very much. After that Wash- 
ington took command whenever he 

could, and soon rose to be a 

great man. 

The first expedition against 

Fort Duquesne (pronounced 

du-kane) was commanded by 

General Braddock, whose por- 
trait we are able to give, show- 
ing him at the time he did not 

take Washington's advice in 

the Duquesne matter. Later 

we show him as he appeared 

after he had abandoned his 

original plans and immediately 

after not taking Washington's 

° ^ GEMERAL BRADDOCK SCORNINO 

axiVlCC WASHINOTON*S AOVIfiBt 




ii6 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



"The Indians," said Braddock, "may frighten 
Colonial troops, but they can make no impression 
on the king's regulars. We are alike impervious 
to fun or fear. " 

Braddock thought of fighting the Indians by 
manoeuvring in large bodies, but the first body to 




aSNBRAL BRADDOCK AFTBH SCORNING WASHINGTON'S AOVICK. 



be manoeuvred was that of General Braddock, 
who perished in about a minute. 

We give the reader, above, an idea of Brad- 
dock's soldierly bearing after he had been ma- 
nceuvring a few times. 

It was then that Washington took command, as 
was liis custom, and began to fight the Indians 
and French as one would hunt varmints in Vir- 
ginia. 



INTERCOLONIAL AND INDIAN WARS. WJ 

Braddock's men fired by platoons into the trees 
and tore a few holes in the State line, but when 
most of the Colonial troops were dead the regu- 
lars presented their tournures to the foe and fled 
as far as Philadelphia, where they each took a bath 
and had some laundry-work done. 

General Forbes took command of the second 
expedition. He spent most of his time building 
roads. 

Time passed on, and Forbes built viaducts, 
conduits, culverts, and rustic bridges, till it was 
November, and they were yet fifty miles from the 
fort. He then decided to abandon the expedition, 
on account of the cold, and also fearing that he 
had not made all of his bridges wide enough so 
that he could take the captured fort home with 
him. 

Washington, however, though only an addy> 
kong of General Forbes, decided to take com- 
mand. His mother had said to him over and 
over, "George, in an emergency always take 
command." He done so, as General Rusk would 
say. As he approached, the French set fire to 
the fort, and retreated, together with the Indians 
and Molly Maguires. 

Pittsburg now stands on this historic ground, 
and is one of the mo^t delightful cities of 
America. 

Many other changes were going on at this time. 



Il8 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

The English got possession of Acadia and the 
French forts at the head of the Bay of Fundy. 

In 1757 General Loudon collected an army for 
an attack on Louisburg. He drilled his troops 
all summer, and then gave up the attack because 
he learned that the French had one more skiff 
than he had. 

The Loudons of America at the time of this 
writing are more quiet and sensible regarding 
their ancestry than any of the doodle-bug aristoc- 
racy of our promoted peasantry and the crested 
Yahoos of our cowboy republic. 

The Loudons — or Lowdowns — of America had 
a very large family. Some of them changed their 
names and moved. 

The next year after the fox pass of General 
Loudon, Amherst and Wolfe took possession of 
the entire island. 

About the time of Braddock's justly celebrated 
expedition another started out for Crown Point. 
The French, under Dieskau (pronounced dees- 
kow), met the army composed of Colonial troops 
in plain clothes, together with the regular troops 
led by officers with drawn swords and overdrawn 
salaries. The regular general, seeing that the 
battle was lost, excused himself and retired to his 
tent, owing to an ingrowing nail which had an- 
noyed him all day. Lyman, the Colonial officer 
now took command, and wrung victory from tiie 



INTERCOLONIAL AND INDIAN WARS. 119 

'f«uctant jaws of defeat. For this Johnson, the 
English general, received twenty-five thousand 
dollars and a baronetcy, while Lyman received a 
plated butter-dish and a bass-wood what-not. But 
Lyman was a married man, and had learned to 
take things as they came. 

Four months prior to the capture of Duquesne, 
one thousand boats loaded with soldiers, each with 
a neat little lunch-basket and a littie flag to wave 
when they hurrahed for the good kind man at the 
head of the picnic,— viz., General Abercrombie.— 
sailed down Lake George to get a whiff of fresh 
air and take Ticonderoga. 

When they arrived, General Abercrombie took 
out a small book regarding tactics which he had 
bought on the boat, and, after refreshing his mem- 
ory, ordered an assault. He then went back to 
see how his rear 
was, and, finding 
ft all right, he 
went back still 
farther, to see ^^ 
if no one had 
been left behind. 

Abercrombie never for- 
got or overlooked any one. 
He wanted all of his pleas- 
ure-party to be where they 
could see the fight. 







ABEKCROMBIE WENT BACK TO THS RBAR. 



I30 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

In that way he missed it himself. I would hate 
to miss a fight that way. 

The Abercrombies of America mostly trace 
their ancestry back by a cut-off avoiding the gen- 
eral's line. 

Niagara had an expedition sent against it at the 
time of Braddock's trip. The commander was 
General Shirley, but he ran out of money while at 
the Falls and decided to return. This post did 
not finally surrender till 1759. 

This gave the then West to the English. They 
had tried for one hundred and forty years to 
civilize it, but, alas, with only moderate success. 
Prosperous and happy even while sniping in their 
fox-hunting or canvas-back-duck clothes, these 
people feel somewhat soothed for their lack of 
culture because they are well-to-do. 

In 1759 General Wolfe anchored off Quebec 
with his fleet and sent a boy up town to ask if 
there were any letters for him at the post-office, 
also asking at what time it would be convenient 
to evacuate the place. The reply came back from 
General Montcalm, an able French general, that 
there was no mail for the general, but if Wolfe 
was dissatisfied with the report he might run up 
personally and look over the W's. 

Wolfe did so, taking his troops up by an un- 
known cow-path on the off side of the mountain 
during the night, and at daylight stood in battle- 



INTERCOLONIAL AND INDIAN WARS. 121 

array on the Plains of Abraham. An attack was 
made by Montcalm as soon as he got over his 
wonder and surprise. At the third fire Wolfe was 
fatally wounded, and as he was carried back to 
the rear he heard some one exclaim,—- 

" They run ! They run !" 

"Who run?" inquired Wolfe. 

•' The French ! The French !" came the reply. 

"Now God be praised," said Wolfe, "I die 

happy." 

Montcalm had a similar experience. He was 
fatally wounded. "They run! They run!" he 
heard some one say. 

''Who run?" exclaimed Montcalm, wetting his 
lips with a lemonade-glass of cognac. 

"We do," replied the man. 

"Then so much the better," said Montcalm, as 
his eye lighted up, " for I shall not live to see 
Quebec surrendered." 

This shows what can be done without a re- 
hearsal ; also how the historian has to control 
himself in order to avoid lying. 

The death of these two brave men is a beauti- 
ful and dramatic incident in the history of our 
country, and should be remembered by every 
school-boy, because neither lived to write articles 
criticising the other. 

Five days later the city capitulated An at 
tempt was made to recapture it. but it was not 



122 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



successful. Canada fell into the hands of the 
English, and from the open Polar Sea to the Mis- 
sissippi the English flag floated. 

What an empire ! 

What a game-preserve ! 

Florida was now ceded to the already cedy 
crown of England by Spain, and brandy-and-soda 
for the wealthy and bitter beer became the drink 
of the poor. 




RBMAINBD BY IT TILL DEATH. 



Pontiac's War was brought on by the Indians, 
who preferred the French occupation to that of 
the English. Pontiac organized a large number 
of tribes on the spoils plan, and captured eight 
forts. He killed a great many people, burned 
their dwellings, and drove out many more, but at 
last his tribes made trouble, as there were not 
spoils enough to go around, and his army was 
conquered. He was killed in 1 769 by an Indian 
who received for his trouble a barrel of liquor. 



INTERCOLONIAL AND INDIAN WAr"^. 12$ 

with which he began to make merry. He re- 
mained by the liquor till death came to his relief. 

The heroism of an Indian who meets his enemy 
single-handed in that way, and, though greatly 
outnumbered, dies v^ith his face to the foe, is de- 
serving of more than a passing notice. 

The French and Indian War cost the Colonists 
sixteen million dollars, of which the English repaid 
only five million. The Americans lost thirty thou- 
sand men, none of whom were replaced. They 
suffered every kind of horror and barbarity, writ- 
ten and unwritten, and for years their taxes were 
two-thirds of their income ; and yet they did not 
murmur. 

These were the fathers and mothers of whom 
we justly brag. These were the people whose 
children we are. What are inherited titles and 
ancient names many times since dishonored, com- 
pared with the heritage of uncomplaining suffering 
and heroism which we boast of to-day because 
those modest martyrs were working people, proud 
that by the sweat of their brows they wrung from 
a niggardly soil the food they ate, proud also that 
they could leave the plough to govern or to legis- 
late, able also to survey a county or rule a nation. 




CHAPTER XII. 

PERSONALITY OF WASHINGTON. 

IT would seem that a few personal remarks 
about George Washington at this point might 
not be out of place. Later on his part in 
this history will more fully appear. 

The author points with some pride to a study of 
Washington's great act in crossing the Delaware, 
from a wax-work of great accuracy. The reader 
will avoid confusing Washington with the author, 
who is dressed in a plaid suit and on the shore, 
while Washington may be seen in this end of the 
boat with the air of one who has just discovered 
the location of a glue-factory on the side of the 
river. 

A directory of Washington's head-quarters has 
been arranged by the author of this book, and at 
a reunion of the general's body-servants to be 
held in the future the work will be on sale. 

The name of George Washington has always 

had about it a glamour that made him appear 

more in the light of a god than a tall man with 

large feet and a mouth made to fit an old-fesh- 

ioned full-dress pumpkin-pie. 
124 



126 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




MY GREATEST WORK. 



George Washington's 
face has beamed out upon 
us for many years now, on 
postage-stamps and cur- 
rency, in marble and plaster 
and in bronze, in photo- 
graphs of original portraits, 
paintings, and stereoscopic 
views. We have seen him 
on horseback and on foot, 
on the war-path and on 
skates, playing the flute, 
cussing his troops for their 
shiftlessness, and then, in the solitude of the 
forest, with his snorting war-horse tied to a tree, 
engaged in prayer. 

We have seen all these pictures of George, till 
we are led to believe that he did not breathe our 
air or eat American groceries. But George 
Washington was not perfect. I say this after a 
long and careful study of his life, and I do not 
say it to detract the very smallest iota from the 
proud history of the Father of his Country. I 
say it simply that the boys of America who want 
to become George Washingtons will not feel so 
timid about trying it. 

When I say that George Washington, who now 
lies so calmly in the lime-kiln at Mount Vernon, 
could reprimand and reproach his subordinates, at 



PERSONALITY OF WASHINGTON. 



127 



times, in a way to make the ground crack open 
and break up the ice in the Delaware a week 
earlier than usual, I do not mention it in order 
to show the boys of our day that profanity will 
make them resemble George Washington. That 




WASHINGTON PLAYING THE FLUTE. 



was one of his weak points, and no doubt he was 
ashamed of it, as he ought to have been. Some 
poets think that if they get drunk and stay drunk 
they will resemble Edgar A. Poe and George D. 
Prentice. There are lawyers who play poker year 
after year and get regularly skinned because they 
have heard that some of the able lawyers of the 



128 



HISTORY or THK l/AVTKP sr.4'r£S. 



pasl century used to come home at night with 
poker-chips in their pockets. 

Whiskey will not make a poet, nor poker a 
great pleader. And yet 1 have seen poets who 
relied on the potency of their breath, and lawyers 
who knew more of the habits of a bobtail flush 




TMK .VWKWARU S^UAP. 



than they ever did of the statutes in such case 
made and provided. 

George \\ ashing ton was always ready. If you 
wanted a man to be first in war, )ou could call on 
George. If you desired An aduh who would be 
first baseman in time of peace, Mr. Washington 
could be telephoned at any hour of the day or 
night If you needed a man to be first in the 



/ LA^Lh\.tL/T\- or WASHINOrON. 129 

hearts of his coantrymen, George's post-oflPice 
address was at once secured. 

Though he was a great man, he was once a 
poor boy. How often you hear that in America ! 
Here it is a positive disadvantage to be born 
wealthy. And yet sometimes I wish they had 
experimented a little that way on me. I do not 
ask now to be born rich, of course, because it is 
too late ; but it seems to me that, with my natural 
good sense and keen insight into human nature. 
I could have struggled along under the burdens 
and cares of wealth with great success. I do not 
care to die wealthy, but if I could have been born 
wealthy it seems to me I would have been tickled 
almost to death. 

I love to believe that true greatness is not acci- 
dental. To think and to say that greatness is a 
lottery, is pernicious. Man may be wrong some- 
times in his judgment of others, both individually 
and in the aggregate, but he who gets ready to be 
a great man will surely find the opportunity. 

You will wonder whom I got to write this senti- 
ment for me, but you will never find out. 

In conclusion, let me say that Cieorge Washing- 
ton was successful for three reasons. One was 
that he never shook the confidence of his friends. 
Another was that he had a strong will without 
being a mule. Some people cannot distinguish 
between being firm and being a big blue donkey. 



1^0 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Another reason why Washington is loved and 
honored to-day is that he died before we had a 
chance to get tired of him. This is greatly supe- 
rior to the method adopted by many modern 
statesmen, who wait till their constituency weary 
of them, and then reluctantly pass away. 



N. B. — Since writing the foregoing I have found that Washington was 
not bom a poor boy, — a discovery which redounds greatly to his credit, — 
that he was able to accomplish so much, and yet could get his weekly 
spending money and sport a French nurse in his extreme youth. 

B.N. 



CHAPTER XIII. 

CONTRASTS WITH THE PRESENT DAY. 

HERE it may be well to speak brie% of the 
contrast between the usages and customs 
of the period preceding the Revolution, 
and the present day. Some of these customs 
and regulations have improved with the lapse of 
time, others undoubtedly have not. 

Two millions of people constituted the entire 
number of whites, while away to the westward the 
red brother extended indefinitely. Religiously 
they were Protestants, and essentially they were 
" a God-fearing people." Taught to obey a power 
they were afraid of, they naturally turned with 
delight to the service of a God whose genius in 
the erection of a boundless and successful hell 
challenged their admiration and esteem. So, too, 
their own executions of Divine laws were success- 
ful as they gave pain, and the most beautiful fea- 
tures of Christianity, — namely, love and charity, 
— according to history, were not cultivated very 
much. 

There were in New England at one time twelve 

offences punishable with death, and in Virginia 

111 



132 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



seventeen. This would indicate that the death- 
penalty is getting unpopular very fast, and that in 
the contiguous future humane people will wonder 
why murder should have called for murder, in this 
brainy, charitable, and occult age, *in which man 
seems almost able to pry open the future and 
catch a glimpse of Destiny underneath the great 
tent that has heretofore held him off by means of 
death's prohibitory rates. 

In Hartford people had to get up when the 
town watchman rang his bell. The affairs of the 
family, and private matters too nu- 
merous to mention, were regulated 
by the selectmen. The catalogues 
of Harvard and Yale were regulated 
according to the standing of the family 
as per record in the old 
country, and not as per 
bust measurement and 
merit, as it is to-day. 

Scolding women, how- 
ever, were gagged and 
tied to their front doors, 
so that the populace 
could bite its thumb at them, and 
hired girls received fifty dollars a 
year, with the understanding that 
they were not to have over two 
days out each week, except Sun- 




TMS T*WM WATOKMAN 



CONTRASTS ^'ITH THE PRESENT DAY. 1 33 



day and the days they had to go and see their 
"sick sisters." 

Some cloth-weaving was indulged in, and home- 
spun was the principal material used for clothing. 
Mrs, Washington had sixteen spinning-wheels in 
her house. Her husband often wore homespun 
while at home, and on rainy days sometimes 
placed a pair of home-made trousers of the barn- 
door variety in the Presidential chair. 

Money was very scarce, and ammu- 
nition very valuable. In 1635 musket- 
balls passed for farthings, and to see a 
New England peasant making change 
with the red brother at thirty 
yards was a common and de- 
lightful scene. 

The first press was set up 
in Cambridge in 1 639, with the 
statement that it " had come to 
stay." Books printed in those 
days were mostly sermons filled 
with the most comfortable assur- 
ance that the man who let loose his intellect and 
allowed it to disbelieve some very difficult things 

would be essentially well, I hate to say right 

here in a book what would happen to him. 

The first daily paper, called The Federal Orrery, 
was issued three hundred years after Columbus 
discovered America. It was not popular, and 




BOOKS FILLBS WITH ASSURAKCBk 

FUTURE DAMNATION. 



134 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

killed off the news-boys who tried to call it on the 
streets ; so it perished. 

There was a public library in New York, frorr. 
which books were loaned at fourpence ha'penny 
per week. New York thus became very early 
the seat of learning, and soon afterwards began 
to abuse the site where Chicago now stands. 

Travel was slow, the people went on horseback 
or afoot, and when they could go by boat it was 
regarded as a success. Wagons finally made the 
trip from New York to Philadelphia in the wild 
time of forty-eight hours, and the line was called 
The Flying Dutchman, or some other euphoni- 
ous name. Benjamin Franklin, whose biography 
occurs in Chapter XV., was then Postmaster- 
General. 

He was the first bald-headed man of any prom- 
inence in the history of America. He and his 
daughter Sally took a trip in a chaise, looking 
over the entire system, and going to all offices. 
Nothing pleased the Postmaster-General like 
quietly slipping into a place like Sandy Bottom 
and catching the postmaster reading over the 
postal cards and committing them to memory. 

Calfskin shoes up to the Revolution were the 
exclusive property of the gentry, and the rest 
wcM"e cowhide and were extremely glad to mend 
them themselves. These were greased every 
week with tallow, and could be worn on either 



CONTRASTS WITH THE PRESENT DAY. 135 

foot with impunity. Rights and lefts were never 
thought of until after the Revolutionary War, but 
to-day the American shoe is the most symmetrical, 
comfortable, and satisfactory shoe made in the 
world. The British shoe is said to be more com- 




CAUGHT BY FRANKLIN READING POSTAL CARDS. 



fortable. Possibly for a British foot it is so, but 
for a foot containing no breathing-apparatu., or 
viscera it is somewhat roomy and clumsy. 

Farmers and laborers of those days wore green 
or red baize in the shape of jackets, and their 
breeches were made of leather or bed-ticking. 
Our ancestors dressed plainly, and a man who 



i36 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

could not make over two hundred pounds per year 
was prohibited from dressing up or wearing lace 
worth over two shillings per yard. It was a pretty 
sad time for literary men, as they were thus com- 
pelled to wear clothing like the common laborers. 

Lord Cornwallis once asked his aidy kong why 
the American poet always had such an air of lis- 
tening as if for some expected sound. " I give it 
up," retorted the aidy kong. "It is," said Lord 
CornwalMs, as he took a large drink from a jug 
which he had tied to his saddle, "because he is 
trying to see if he cannot .^ear his bed-ticking." 
On the following day he surrendered his army, and 
went home to spring his bon-mot on George III. 

Yet the laws were very stringent in other re- 
spects besides apparel. A man was publicly 
whipped for killing a fowl on the Sabbath in New 
England. In order to keep a tavern and sell rum, 
one had to be of good moral character and pos- 
sess property, which was a good thing. The 
names of drunkards were posted up in the ale- 
houses, and the keepers forbidden to sell them 
liquor. No person under tw^enty years of age 
could use tobacco in Connecticut without a phy- 
sician's order, and no one was allowed to use it 
more than once a day, and then not within ten 
tr»iles of any house. It was a common thing to 
see large picnic-parties going out into the back- 
vrooda of Connecticut to smoke. 



CONTRASTS WITH THE PRESENT DAY. i^T 

Will the reader excuse me a moment while I 
fight up a peculiarly black and redolent pipe ?j 

Only the gentr)' were called Mr. and Mrs. 
Thi.s included the preacher and his wife. A friend 
of mine who is one of the gentry of this century 




LORD CORNWALLIS S CONUNDRUM. 



got on the trail of his ancestry last spring, and 
traced them back to where they were not allowed 
to be called Mr. and Mrs., and, fearing he would 
fetch up in Scotland Yard if he kept on, he slowly 
unrolled the bottoms of his trousers, got a job on 
the railroad, and since then his friends are grad- 
ually returning to him. He is well pleased now, 



138 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

and looks humbly gratified even if you call him a 
gent. 

The Scriptures were literally int^preted, and 
the Old Testament was read every morning, even 
if the ladies fainted. 

The custom yet noticed sometimes in country 
churches and festive gatherings of placing the 
males and females on opposite sides of the room 
was originated not so much as a punishment to 
both, as to give the men an opportunity to act 
together when the red brother felt ill at ease. 

I am glad the red brother does not molest us 
nowadays, and make us sit apart that way. Keep 
away, red brother ; remain on your reservation, 
please, so that the pale-face may sit by the loved 
one and hold her little soft hand during the 
sermon. 

Church services meant business in those days. 
People brought their dinners and had a general 
penitential gorge. Instrumental music was pro- 
scribed, as per Amos fifth chapter and twenty- 
third verse, and the length of prayer was measured 
by the physical endurance of the performer. 

The preacher often boiled his sermon down to 
four hours, and the sexton up-ended the hour- 
glass each hour. Boys who went to sleep in 
church were sand-bagged, and grew up to be 
border murderers. 

New York people were essentially Dutch. 



CONTRASTS WITH THE PRESENT DA V. 1 39 

New York gets her Santa Claus, her doughnuts, 
crullers, cookies, and many of her odors, from 
the Dutch. The New York matron ran to fine 
linen and a polished door-knocker, while the 
New England housewife spun linsey-woolsey and 
knit " yarn mittens" for those she loved. 

Philadelphia was the largest city in the United 
States, and was noted for its cleanliness and gen- 
erally sterling qualities of mind and heart, its 
Sabbath trance and clean white door-steps. 

The Southern Colonies were quite different from 
those of the North. In place of thickly-settled 
towns there were large plantations with African 
villages near the house of the owner. The pro- 
prietor was a sort of country squire, living in con- 
siderable comfort for those days. He fed and 
clothed evei-ybody. black or white, who lived on 
the estate, and waited patiently for the colored 
people to do his work and keep well, so that they 
would be more valuable. The colored people 
were blessed with children at a great rate, so that 
at this writing, though voteless, they send a large 
number of members to Congress. This cheers 
the Southern heart and partially recoups him for 
his chickens. (See Appendix.) 

The South then, as now, cured immense quan- 
tities of tobacco, while the North tried to cure 
those who used it. 

Washington was a Virginian. He packed his 



140 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



own flour with his own hands, and it was n^ver 
inspected. People who knew him said that the 
only man who ever tried to inspect Washington's 
flour was buried under a hill of choice watermelons 
at Mount Vernon. 

Along the James and Rappahannock the vast 
estates often passed from father to son according 

to the law of entail, and such a 

thing as a poor man " prior to the ''^t'^^J^a^eb A*T 
\\^r" must have been unknown. ^ jsjORMOU S 





The Oniuv 
Southern 
T* UANTE:r\ 

Who was Nonr 

K I C H 



M«T KKH BSPORX THK WA«, 



CONTRASTS WITH THE PRESENT DAY. 141 

Education, however, flourished more at the 
North, owing partly to the fact that the people 
lived more in communities. Governor Berkeley 
of Virginia was opposed to free schools from the 
start, and said, " I thank God there are no free 
schools nor printing-presses here, and I hope we 
shall not have them these hundred years." Hit 
prayer has been answered. 



CHAPTER XIV. 

THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR. 

WILLIAM PITT was partly to blame for the 
Revolutionary War. He claimed that 
the Colonists ought not to manufacture 
so much as a horseshoe nail except by permission 
of Parliament. 

It was already hard enough to be a colonist, 
without the privilege of expressing one's self even 
to an Indian without being fined. But when we 
pause to think that England seemed to demand 
that the colonist should take the long wet walk 
to Liverpool during a busy season of the year to 
get his horse shod, we say at once that P. Henry 
was right when he exclaimed that the war was 
inevitable and moved that permission be granted 
for it to come. 

Then came the Stamp Act. mavting almost 
everything illegal that was not written on stamp 
paper furnished by the maternal country. 

John Adams, Patrick Henry, and John Otis 

made speeches regarding the situation. Bells 

were tolled, and fasting and prayer marked the 

first of November, the day for the law to go into 

effect. 
142 




THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR. 143 

These things alarmed England for the time, and 
the Stamp Act was repealed ; but the king, who 
had been pretty free with his money and had 
entertained a good deal, began to look out for a 
chance to tax the Colonists, and ordered his 
Exchequer Board to attend to it. 

Patrick Henry got excited, and said in 
an early speech. "Caesar had his Brutus, 
Charles the First his Cromwell, and George 

the Third " Here he paused and took 

a long swig of pure water, and added, look- 
iner at the newspaper reporters. " If this be 

S r r r • >' TT 1 Patrick hbnky. 

treason, make the most of it. He also 
said that George the Third might profit by their 
example. A good many would like to know 
what he started out to say, but it is too hard to 
determine. 

Boston ladies gave up tea and used the dried 
leaves of the raspberry, and the girls of 1777 
graduated in homespun. Could the iron heel of 
despotism crunch such a spirit of liberty as that? 
Scarcely. In one family at Newport four hundred 
and eighty-seven yards of cloth and thirty-six pairs 
of stockings were spun and made in eighteen 
months. 

When the war broke out it is estimated that 
each Colonial soldier had twenty-seven pairs of 
blue woollen socks with white double heels and 
toes. Does the intelligent reader believe that 



144 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



"Tommy Atkins," with two pairs of socks "and 
hit a-rainin'," could whip men with twenty-seven 
pairs each ? Not without restoratives. 

Troops were now sent to restore order. They 
were clothed by the British government, but 
boarded around with the Colonists. This wa« 




THE BRITISH BOARDING 'ROUND. 



irritating to the 
pie, because they 
had never met or 
called on the Brit- 
ish troops. Again, they did not know the troops 
were coming, and had made no provision for 
them. 

Boston was considered the hot-bed of the rebel- 
lion, and General Gage was ordered to send two 
regiments of troops there. He did so, and a fight 
ensued, in which three citizens were killed. 



THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR, 1 45 

In looking over this incident, we must not for- 
get that in those days three citizens went a good 
deal farther than they do now. 

The fight, however, was brief. General Gage, 
getting into a side street, separated from his com- 
mand, and, coming out on the Common abruptly, 
he tried eight or nine more streets, but he came 
out each time on the Common, until, torn with 
conflicting emotions, he hired a Herdic, which 
took him around the corner to his quarters. 

On December 16, 1773, occurred the tea-party 
at Boston, which must have been a good deal 
livelier than those of to-day. The historian re- 
grets that he was not tliere ; he would have tried 
to be the life of the party. 

England had finally so arranged the price of 
tea that, including the tax, it was cheaper in 
America than in the old country. This exas- 
perated the patriots, who claimed that they were 
confronted by a theory and not a condition. At 
Charleston this tea was stored in damp cellars, 
where it spoiled. New York and Philadelphia 
returned their ships, but the British would not 
allow any shenanegin', as George III. so tersely 
termed it, in Boston. 

Therefore a large party met in Faneuil Hall 
and decided that the tea should not be landed. 
A party made up as Indians, and, going on board, 
threw the tea overboard. Boston Harbor, as far 

G. k 13 



146 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



out as the Bug Light, even to-day, is said to be 
carpeted with tea-grounds. 

George III. now closed Boston harbor and made 
General Gage Governor of Massachusetts. The 
Virginia Assembly murmured at this, and was 
dissolved and sent home without its mileage. 




BOSTON TEA-PARTY, 1 773. 



Those opposed to royalty were termed Whigs, 
those in favor were called Tories. Now they are 
called Chappies or Authors. 

On the 5th of September, 1774, the first Con- 
tinental Congress assembled at Philadelphia and 
was entertained by the Clover Club. Congress 



THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR. 



H7 



acted slowly even then, and after considerable 
delay resolved that the conduct of Great Britain 
was, under the circumstances, uncalled for. It 
also voted to hold no intercourse with Great 
Britain, and decided not to visit Shakespeare's 
grave unless the mother-country should apologize. 
In 1775, on the 19th of April, General Gage 




BOSTON TEA-PARTY, 1893 



sent out troops to see about some military stores 
at Concord, but at Lexington he met with a com- 
pany of minute-men gathering on the village 
green. Major Pitcairn, who was in command of 
the Tommies, rode up to the minute-men, and, 
drawing his bright new Sheffield sword, exclaimed, 
"Disperse, you rebels! throw down your arms 
and disperse !" or some such remark as that. 
The Americans hated to do that, so they did 



148 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES 

not. In the skirmish that ensued, seven of their 
number were killed. 

Thus opened the Revolutionary War, — a con- 
test which but for the earnestness and irritability 
of the Americans would have been extremely 
brief. It showed the relative difference between 
the fighting qualities of soldiers who fight for two 
pounds ten shillings per month and those who 
fight because they have lost their temper. 

The regulars destroyed the stores, but on the 
way home they found every rock-pile hid an old- 
fashioned gun and minute-man. This shows that 
there must have been an enormous number of 
minute-men then. All the English who got back 
to Boston were those who went out to reinforce 
the original command. 

The news went over the country like wildfire. 
These are the words of the historian. Really, 
that is a poor comparison, for wildfire doesn't 
jump rivers and bays, or get up and eat breakfast 
by candle-light in order to be on the road and 
spread the news. 

General Putnam left a pair of tired steers stand- 
ing in the furrow, and rode one hundred miles 
without feed or water to Boston. 

Twenty thousand men were soon at work build- 
ing intrenchments around Boston, so that the 
English troops could not get out to the suburbs 
where many of them resided. 



THE REVOLUTIONARy WAR. 



149 




OaKBJlAt PWTWAll LBAVINO A PAIR OP TtRBD 9TB8M. 



I will now speak of the battle of Bunker Hill. 

This battle occurred June 17. The Americans 
heard that their enemy intended to fortify Bunker 
Hill and so they determined to do it themselves, 
in order to have it done in a way that would be a 
credit to the town. 

A body of men under Colonel Prescott, after 
prayer by the President of Harvard University, 
marched to Charlestown Neck. They decided to 
fortify Breed's Hill, as it was more commanding, 
and all night long they kept on fortifying. The 
surprise of the English at daylight was well worth 
going from Lowell to witness. 

Howe sent three thousand men across and 
formed them on the landing. He marched them 
up the hill to within ten iods of the earth-works, 
when it occurred to Prescott that it would now be 
the appropriate thing to fire. He made a state- 
ment of that kind to his troops, and those of the 

'3* 



ISO 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



enemy who were alive went back to Charlestown. 
But that was no place for them, as they had pre- 
viously set it afire, so they came back up the hill, 
where they were once more well received and 
tendered the freedom of a future state. 

Three times the English did this, when the am- 
munition in the fortifications gave out, and they 
charged with fixed bayonets and reinforcements. 

The Americans were driven from the field, but 
it was a victory after all. It united the Colonies 
and made them so vexed at the English that it 
took some time to bring on an era of good feeling. 

Lord Howe, referring afterwards to this battle, 
said that the Americans did not stand up and 
fight like the regulars, suggesting that thereafter 
the Colonial army should arrange itself in the 
following manner before a battle ! 




OBNBRAL UOWE'S SUGGESTION. 



THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR. 

However, the suggestion was not acted on. 
The Colonial soldiers declined to put on a 
bright red coat and a pill-box cap, that kept 
falling off in battle, thus delaying the car- 
nage, but preferred to wear homespun 
which was of a neutral shade, and 
shoot their enemy from behind stumps. 
They said it was all right to 
dress up for a muster, but 
they preferred their work- 
ing-clothes for fighting. 
After the war a statistician 
made the estimate that nine 
per cent, of the British 
troops were shot while 
ascertaining if their /Q^'^ 
caps were on straight.* ^'*^ '^ 

General Israel Putnam was 
known as the champion rough 
rider of his day, and once when 
hotly pursued rode down three 
flights of steps, which, added 
to the flight he made from the English soldiers, 
made four flights. Putnam knew not fear or cow- 
ardice, and his name even to-day is the synonyme 
for valor and heroism. 




PUTNAM S FLIGHT, 



* The authority given for this statement, I admit, is meagre, but it is as 
accurate as many of the figures by means of which people prove things.— 
B. N, 




franklin's morning hunt for his shoes. 



CHAPTER XV. 



BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, LL.D., PH.G., F.R.S., ETC. 



T is considered advisable by the historian at 
this time to say a word regarding Dr. Frank- 
lin, our fellow-townsman, and a journalist 
who was the Charles A. Dana of his time. 

Franklin's memory will remain green when the 
names of the millionaires of to-day are forgotten. 
Coextensive with the name of E. Rosewater of 
the Omaha Bee we will find that of Benjamin 
Franklin, whose bust sits above the fireplace of 
the writer at this moment, while a large Etruscan 
hornet is making a phrenological examination of 
same. 
152 



BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, LL.D., PH.G.. ETC. I S3 

But let US proceed to more fully mark out the 
life and labors of this remarkable man. 

Benjamin Franklin, formerly of Boston, came 
very near being an only child. If seventeen chil- 
dren had not come to bless the home of Ben- 
jamin's parents they would have been childless. 
Think of getting up in the morning and picking 
out your shoes and stockings from among seven- 
teen pairs of them ! 

Imagine yourself a child, gentle reader, in a 
family where you would be called upon every 
morning to select your own cud of spruce gum 
from a collection of seventeen similar cuds stuck 
on a window-sill! And yet Benjamin Franklin 
never murmured or repined. He desired to go 
to sea, and to avoid this he was ap- 
prenticed to his brother James, who 
was a printer. 

It is said that Franklin at once took 
hold of the great Archimedean lever, and 
jerked it early and late in the interests of 
freedom. 

It is claimed that Franklin, at this time, 
invented the deadly weapon known as the 
printer's towel. He found that a common 
crash towel could be saturated with glue, 
molasses, antimony, concentrated lye, and 
roller-composition, and that after a few 
years of time and perspiration it would tt^nmt«^t 




154 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

harden so that " A Constant Reader" or " Veritas" 
could be stabbed with it and die soon. 

Many beHeve that Franklin's other scientific 
experiments were productive of more lasting 
benefit to mankind than this, but I do not agree 
with them. 

His paper was called the New England Cou- 
rant. It was edited jointly by James and Ben- 
jamin Franklin, and was started to supply a 
long-felt want. 

Benjamin edited it a part of the time, and James 
a part of the time. The idea of having two edi- 
tors was not for the purpose of giving volume to 
the editorial page, but it was necessary for one to 
run the paper while the other was in jail. 

In those days you could not sass the king, and 
then, when the king came in the office the next 
day and stopped his paper and took out his ad., 
put it off on ''our informant" and go right along 
with the paper. You had to go to jail, while your 
subscribers wondered why their paper did not 
come, and the paste soured in the tin dippers in 
the sanctum, and the circus passed by on the 
other side. 

How many of us to-day, fellow-journalists, would 
bf; willing to stay in jail while the lawn festival 
aRd the kangaroo came and went ? Who of all 
our company would go to a prison-cell for the 
c&xki>Q. pf iireedam while a double-column ad. of 



BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, LL.D., PH.C, ETC. 155 

sixteen aggregated circuses, and eleven con- 
gresses of ferocious beasts, fierce and fragrant 
from their native lair, went by us ? 

At the age of seventeen Ben got disgusted 
with his brother, and went to Philadelphia and 
New York, where he got a chance 
to " sub" for a few weeks and then 
got a regular "sit." 

Franklin was a good printer, 
and finally got to be a foreman. 
He made an excellent foreman, 
sitting- by the hour in the com- 
posing-room and spittmg on the 
stove, while he cussed the make- 
up and press- work of the other 
papers. Then he would go into \ 
the editorial rooms and scare 
the editors to death with a wild 
shriek for more copy. 

He knew just how to conduct 
himself as a foreman so that stran- 
o-ers would think he owned the 
paper. 

In 1730, at the age of twenty-four, Franklm 
married, and established the Pennsylvania Gazette. 
He was then regarded as a great man, and almost 
every one took his paper. 

Franklin grew to be a great journalist, and 
spelled hard words with great fluency. He never 




FRANKLIN AS FOREMAN. 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATB£. 



tried to be a humorist in any of his aewt- 
paper work, and everybody respected him. 

Along about 1746 he began to study the 
habits and construction of lightning, and in- 
serted a local in his paper in which he said 
that he would be obliged to any of his 
readers who might notice any new or odd 
specimens of lightning, if they would send 
them in to the Gazette office for exami- 
nation. 

Every time there was a thunder- 
storm Franklin would tell the fore- 
man to edit the paper, and, armed 
with a string and an old door- 
key, he would go out on the 
hills and get enough lightning 



ior a mess. 




MRaNKI.IN lixpr.nlMBKTTN«S WITH tiJTHITKttfa 



158 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

In 1753 Franklin was made postmaster of the 
Colonies. He made a good Postmaster-General, 
and people say there were fewer mistakes in dis- 
tributing their mail then than there have ever been 
since. If a man mailed a letter in those days, old 
Ben Franklin saw that it went to where it was 
addressed. 

Franklin frequently went over to England in 
those days, partly on business and partly to shock 
the king. He liked to go to the castle with his 
breeches tucked in his boots, figuratively speaking, 
and attract a great deal of attention. 

It looked odd to the Enolish, of course, to see 
him come into the royal presence, and, leaning his 
wet umbrella up against the throne, ask the king, 
" How's trade?" 

Franklin never put on any frills, but he was not 
afraid of a crowned head. He used to say. fre- 
quently, that a king to him was no more than a 
seven-spot. 

He did his best to prevent the Revolutionary 
War, but he couldn't do it. Patrick Henry had 
said that the war was inevitable, and had given it 
permission to come, and it came. 

He also went to Paris, and got acquainted with 
a few crowned heads there. They thought a good 
deal of him in Paris, and offered him a corner lot 
if he would build there and start a paper. They 
also promised him the county printing ; but he 



BENJAMIN FRANKLIN, LL.D., PH.G., ETC 159 



said, No, he would have to go back 
to America or his wife might get 
uneasy about him. Franklin wrote 
"Poor Richard's Almanac" in 1732 
to 1757, and it was republished in 
England. 

Franklin little thought, when he 
went to the throne-room in his leather 
ridinof-clothes and hunof his hat on 
the throne, that he was inaugu- 
rating a custom of wearing groom 
clothes which would in these days 
be so popular among the English. 

Dr. Franklin entered Philadelphia 
eating a loaf of bread and carrym^ 
a loaf under each arm, passing beneath the win- 
dow of the girl to whom he afterwarj^s gave his 
hand in marriage. 

Nearly everybody in America, except Dr. Mary 
Vv^alker was once a poor boy. 




FRANKLIN ENTERING PHIU) 
DELPHIA. 



CHAPTER XVI. 

THE CRITICAL PERIOD. 

ETHAN ALLEN and Benedict Arnold on the 
loth of May led two small companies to 
Ticonderoga, a strong fortress tremendously 
fortified, and with its name also across the front 
door. Ethan Allen, a brave Vermonter born in 
Connecticut, entered the sally-port, and was shot 
at by a guard whose musket failed to report. 
Allen entered and demanded tJie surrender of the 
fortress. 

" By whose authority?" asked the commandant, 

" By the authority of the Great Jehovah and 
the Continental Congress," said Allen, brandishing 
his naked sword at a great rate, 

" Very well," said the officer : " if you put it on 
those grounds, all right, if you will excuse the 
appearance of things. We were just cleaning 
up, and everything is by the heels here." 

*' Never mind," said Allen, who was the soul of 
politeness. " We put on no frills at home, and 
so we are ready to take things as we find them." 

The Americans therefore got a large amount of 
munitions of war, both here and at Crown Point 

i6o 



THE CRITICAL PERIOD. l6t 

General Washington was now appointed com- 
mifider-in-chief of ail the troops at the second 
session of the Continental Congress. On his 
arrival at Boston there were only fourteen thou- 
sand men. He took command under the historic 
elm at Cambridge. He was dressed in a blue 
broadcloth coat with flaps and revers of same, 
trimmed with large beautiful buttons. He also 
wore buff small-clothes, with openings at the sides 
where pockets are now put in, but at that time 
given up to space. They were made in such a 
way as to prevent the naked eye from discovering 
at once whether he was in advance or retreat. 
He also wore silk stockings and a cocked hat. 

The lines of Dryden starting off " Mark his 
majestic fabric" were suggested by his appearance 
and general style. He always dressed well and 
rode a good horse, but at Valley Forge frosted 
his feet severely, and could have drawn a pension, 
"but no," said he, "I can still work at light em- 
ployment, like being President, and so I will not 
ask for a pension." 

Each soldier had less than nine cartridges, but 
Washington managed to keep General Gage 
penned up in Boston, and, as Gage knew very 
few people there, it was a dull winter for him. 

The boys of Boston had built snow hills on the 
Common, and used to slide down them to the ice 
below, but the British soldiers tore down their 

I 14* 



l62 



///STO^]- OF THE UNITED STATES. 



coastino-places and broke up the ice on the 
pond. 

They stood it a long- time, rehuildino their play- 
ground as often as it was torn down, until the 
spirit of American freedom could endure it no 




INTKLlKv'Tl'Al TRlVMnl OF THK YOITH OK Bi^SlVN OVKK CKNKKAt C.AtiB. 



longer. They tlion org-anizetl a committee con- 
sisting o\ eight boys who wore noted for their 
great philosophical research, and with Charles 
Sumner Muz/y, the eloquent savant from Milk 
Street, as chairman, the committee started for 
denoral Gage's head-quarters, to confer with him 
reoardins:" the matter. 



THE CRITICAL PERIOD. 163 

In the picture Mr. Muzzy is seen addressing 
General Gage. The boy in the centre with the 
colored glasses is Marco Bozzaris Cobb, who dis- 
covered and first brought into use the idea of 
putting New Orleans molasses into Boston brown 
bread. To the left of Mr. Cobb is Mr. Jehoab 
Nye, who afterwards became the Rev. Jehoab 
Nye and worked with heart and voice for over 
eight of the best years of his life against the 
immorality of the codfish-ball, before he learned 
of its true relations towards society. 

Above and between these two stands Whom- 
soever J. Opper. who wrote " Mow to make the 
Garden Pay" and "What Responsible Person will 
see that my Grave is kept green?" In the back- 
ground we see the tall form of Wherewithal G. 
Lumpy, who introduced the Pompadour hair-cut 
into Massachusetts and grew up to be a great 
man with enlarged joints but restricted ideas, 

Charles Sumner Muzzy addressed General Gage 
at some length, somewhat to the surprise of Gage, 
who admitted in a few well-chosen words that the 
committee was right, and that if he had his way 
about it there should be no more trouble. 

Charles was followed by Marco Bozzaris Cobb, 
who spoke briefly of the boon of liberty, closing 
as follows : " We point with pride, sir, to the love 
of freedom, which is about the only excitement 
we have. We love our country, sir, whether we 



l64 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

love anything else much or not. The distant 
wanderer of American birth, sir, pines for his 
country. 'Oh, give me back,' he goes on to say, 
' my own fair land across the bright blue sea, the 
land of beauty and of worth, the bright land of 
the free, where tyrant foot hath never trod, nor 
bigot forged a chain. Oh, would that 1 were 
safely back in that bright land again !' " 

Mr. Wherewithal G. Lumpy said he had hardly 
expected to be called upon, and so had not pre- 
pared himself, but this occasion forcibly brought 
to his mind the words also of the poet, "Our 
country stands," said he, " with outstretched hands 
appealing to her boys ; from 
them must flow her weal or 
woe, her anguish or her joys. 
A ship she rides on human 
tides which rise and sink anon : 
each giant wave may prove her 
grave, or bear her nobly on. 
The friends of right, with armor 
bright, a valiant Christian band, 
through God her aid may yet 
be made, a blessing to our 
land." 

General Gage was completely 
ove^rcome, and asked for a mo- 
ment to go apart and think it 
over, w^hich he did, returning 




OBNUIAL CACB THINKING IT OVER, 



THE CRITICAL PERIOD. 1^5 

with an air which reminded one of "Ten Nights 
in a Bar-Room." 

" You may go, my brave boys ; and be assured 
that if my troops molest you in the future, or any- 
where else, I will overpower them and strew the 
Common with their corses." 

" Of corse he will," said the hairy boy to the 
right of Whomsoever J. Opper, who afterwards be- 
came the father of a lad who grew up to be editor 
of the Persiflage column of the Atlantic Monthly. 

Thus the boys of America impressed General 
Gage with their courage and patriotism and grew 
up to be good men. 

An expedition to Canada was fitted out the 
same winter, and an attack made on Quebec, in 
which General Montgomery was killed and Bene 
diet Arnold showed that he was a brave soldier, 
no matter how the historian may have hopped on 
him afterwards. 

The Americans should not have tried to take 
Canada. Canada was, as Henry Clay once said, 
a persimmon a trifle too high for the American 
pole, and it is the belief of the historian, whose 
tears have often wet the pages of this record, 
that in the future Canada will be what America 
is now, a free country with a national debt of 
her own, a flag of her own. an executive of her 
own. and a regular annual crisis of her own, like 
other nations. 



l66 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




LORU HOWE FELT THE COLD VERY KEENLY. 



In 1 776 Boston was evac- 
uated. Washington, in 
order to ascertain whether 
Lord Howe had a call to 
fish, cut bait, or go ashore, 
V began to fortify Dorchester 
^^ Heights, March 17, and on 
the following morning he 
was not a little surprised 
«/' to note the change. As 
the weather was raw, and 
he had been in -doors a 
good deal during the win- 
ter, Lord Howe felt the 
cold very keenly. He went to the window and 
looked at the Americans, but he would come back 
chilly and ill-tempered to the fire each time. 
Finally he hitched up and went away to Halifax, 
where he had acquaintances. 

On June 28 an attack was made by the English 
on Fort Moultrie. It was built of palmetto logs, 
which are said to be the best thing in the world to 
shoot into if one wishes to recover the balls and 
use them again. Palmetto logs accept and retain 
balls for many years, and are therefore good for 
forts. 

When the fleet got close enough to the fort so 
that the brave Charlestonian^^ rould see the ex- 
pression on the admiral's face, they turned loose 



THE CRITICAL PERIOD. 



167 



with everything they had, grape, canister, solid 
shot, chain-shot, bar-shot, stove-lids, muffin-irons, 
newspaper cuts, etc., etc., so that the decks were 
swept of every living thing except the admiral. 




JEFFERSON DICTATING THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. 

General Clinton by land tried to draw the atten- 
tion of the rear gunners of the fort, but he was a 
poor draughtsman, and so retired, and both the 
land and naval forces quit Charleston and went to 
New York, where board was not so high. 

!uly 4 was deemed a good time to write a 
^declaration of Independence and have it read in 
the grov^ 



05 © +s ^ 



J g HISTORY OF THE U. STATES 



^o 3©+s^4» Richard Henry Lee, of 

•^5 oiolg® Virginia, moved that -the 

"J SSq®©!* United Colonies are, and of 

>* • o +> 8 fl ripfht ouo^ht to be, free and 

3< (0 +9 T^ ;C * * 

i S o § S-H Independent states." John 

o 5 w tH Q) § Adams, of Massachusetts, 

eT JS jq <» -p to seconded the resolution. 

■H o & M © ^. . , ^ , , 

• ^ 5 ^ § ° § '^^^^ passed July 2, and 

o S'-|o'*^'«o ^^^ report of the committee 

*§ §ro'd5j§S<D appointed to draw up a 

"►^ "^ ^99^ •*^-»* Declaration of Indepen- 

2 ^ HSrii-HftS p dence was adopted July 4. 

iS BgoSSiH 5 The Declaration was dic- 

^ § +* a o jS "^ tated by Thomas lefferson, 

^ ^•^'^^^r^.^oH " who wrote the most melo- 

H O va >^ y> t) g 

i oo^§-H§'3 ^ dious English of any Amer- 

o Ej©^o(5^'' ican 01 his tmie. 

*" S^©«a.H->» Jefferson had a vocabulary 

o I H i 1 i S i^ext to Noah Webster, with 

p ■© § •. 5 *** all the dramatic power of 

2 ** !J 2 9 ® S Dan. He composed the 

• S2o'^^'**M piece one evening after his 

^ •>* § S € © § other work. We e^ive a fac- 

S P^ 1 ^ Tj 13 Simile ot the opening: lines. 

^ ^ "*** tg 8 © S Philadelphia was a scene 

§ 5 S TO ^ & of great excitement. The 

^ © © 3 © streets were thronged, and 

^ § © 5 fi *** people sat down on the nice 

€ 5 S S B S clean door-steps with perfect 

168 




7ME CRITICAL PERIOD. 



[69 



recklessness, although the steps had just been 
cleaned with ammonia and wiped off with a 
chamois-skin. It was a day long to be remem- 
bered, and one that made George III. wish that 
he had reconsidered his birth. 

In the steeple of the old State-House was a 
bell which had fortunately upon it the line " Pro- 
claim liberty throughout all the land unto all the 
inhabitants thereof" It was rung by the old man 
in charge, though he had lacked faith up to that 
moment in Congress. He believed that Con 
gress would not pass the resolution and adopt 
the Declaration till after election. 

Thus was the era of good feeling inaugurated 
both North and South. There was no 
North then, no South, no East, no West ; 
just one common countr)^ with Washing- 
ton acting as father of same. Oh, how 
nice it must have been ! 

Washington was one of the 
sweetest men in the United States. 
He gave his hand in marriage to a 
widow woman who had two children 
and a dark red farm in Virginia. 



«5 




RINGING THS LIBERTY BBLL. 



CHAPTER XVII. 

THE BEGINNING OF THE END. 

THE British army now numbered thirty thou- 
sand troops, while Washington's entire 
command was not over seven thousand 
strong. The Howes, one a general and the other 
an admiral, now turned their attention to New 
York. Washington, however, was on the ground 
beforehand. 

Howe's idea was to first capture Brooklyn, so 
that he could have a place in which to sleep at 
nights while engaged in taking New York. 

The battle was brief. Howe attacked the little 
army in front, while General Clinton got around 
by a circuitous route to the rear of the Colonial 
troops and cut them off. The Americans lost one 
thousand men by death or capture. The prison- 
ers were confined in the old sugar-house on Lib- 
erty Street, where they suffered the most miserable 
and indescribable deaths. 

The army of the Americans fortunately escaped 
by Fulton Ferry in a fog, otherwise it would have 
been obliterated. Washington now fortified Har- 
lem Heights, and later withdrew to White Plains. 
170 



THE BEGINNING OF THE END. 



171 



Afterwards he retired to a fortified camp called 
North Castle. 

Howe feared to attack him there, and so sent 
the Hessians, who captured Fort Washington^ 
November 16. 

It looked scaly for the Americans, as Motley 
says, and Philadelphia bade fair to join New York 
and other cities held by the British. The English 
van could be seen from the Colonial rear column. 
The American troops were almost barefooted, and 
left their blood-stained tracks on the frozen road. 

It was at this time that Washington crossed the 
Delaware and thereby found himself on the other 
side ; while Howe decided to remain, as the 
river was freezing, and when the ice g-ot strono- 
enough, cross over and kill 
the Americans at his leisure. 
Had he followed the Colo- 
nial army, it is quite sure 
now that the English would 
have conquered, and the au- 
tlior would have been the 
Duke of Sandy Bottom, in- 
stead of a plain American 
citizen, unknown, unhonored, 
and unsung. 

Washington decided that 
he must strike a daringf blow 
while his troops had any nye as the duke of sandy bottom. 




172 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

hope or vitality left ; and so on Christmas night, 
after crossing the Delaware as shown elsewhere, 
he fell on the Hessians at Trenton in the midst of 
their festivities, captured one thousand prisoners, 
and slew the leader. 

The Hessians were having a symposium at the 
time, and though the commander received an im- 
portant note of warning during the Christmas 
dinner, he thrust it into his pocket and bade joy 
be unconfined. 

When daylight came, the Hessians were mostly 
moving in alcoholic circles trying to find their 
guns. Washington lost only four men, and two 
of those were frozen to death. 

The result of this fight gave the Colonists cour- 
age and taught them at the same time that it 
would be best to avoid New Jersey symposiums 
till after tht, war was over. 

Having made such a hit in crossing the Dela- 
ware, Washington decided to repeat the perform- 
ance on he 3d of January. He was attacked at 
Trenton by Cornwallis, who is known in history 
for his justly celebrated surrender. He waited 
till morning, having been repulsed at sundown. 
Washington left his camp-fires burning, sur- 
rounded the British, captured two hundred pris- 
oners, and got away to Morristown Heights in 
safety. If the ground had not frozen, General 
Washington could not have moved his forti^ cajp- 



THE BEGINNING OF THE END. 173 

non ; but, fortunately, the thermometer was again 
on his side, and he never lost a gun. 

September 1 1 the English got into the Chesa- 
peake, and Washington announced in the papers 
that he would now tight the battle of the Brandy- 
wine, which he did. 




Marie Jean Paul Roch Yves Gilbert Motier, 
Marquis de La Fayette, fought bravely with the 
Americans in this battle, twice having his name 
shot from under him. 

The patriots were routed, scoring a goose-egg 
and losing Philadelphia. 



174 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

October 4, Washington attacked the enemy at 
Germantown, and was beaten back just as vic- 
tory was arranging to perch on his banner. 
Poor Washington now retired to Valley Forge, 
where he put in about the dullest winter of his 
life. 

The English had not been so successful in the 
North. At first the Americans could only delay 
Burgoyne by felling trees in the path of his eight 
thousand men, which is a very unsatisfactory sort 
of warfare, but at last Schuyler, who had borne 
the burden and heat of the day, was succeeded by 
Gates, and good luck seemed to come slowly his 
way. 

A foolish boy with bullet-holes cut in his clothes 
ran into St. Leger's troops, and out of breath told 
them to turn back or they would fill a drunkard's 
grave. Officers asked him about the numbers of 
the enemy, and he pointed to the leaves of the 
trees, shrieked, and ran for his life. He ran 
several days, and was barely able to keep ahead 
of St. Leger's troops by a neck. 

Burgoyne at another time sent a detachment 
under Colonel Baum to take the stores at Ben- 
nington, Vermont. He was met by General Stark 
and the militia. Stark said, " Here come the red- 
coats, and we must beat them to-day, or Molly 
Stark is a widow." This neat little remark made 
an instantaneous hit, and when they counted up 



THE BEGINNING OF THE END. 1/5 

their string of prisoners at night they found they 
had six hundred souls and a Hessian. 

Burgoyne now feh blue and unhappy. Besides, 
his troops were covered with wood-ticks and had 
had no washing done for three weeks. 

He moved southward and attacked Gates at 
Bemis Heights, or, as a British wit had it, "gave 
Gates ajar," near Saratoga. A wavering fight 
occupied the day, and then both armies turned in 
and fortified for two weeks. Burgoyne saw that 
he was running out of food, and so was first to 
open fire. 

Arnold, who had been deprived of his command 
since the last battle, probably to prevent his wiping 
out the entire enemy and getting promoted, was 
so maddened by the conflict that he dashed in 
before Gates could put him in the guard-house, 
and at the head of his old command, and without 
authority or hat, led the attack. Gates did not 
dare to come where Arnold was, to order him 
back, for it was a very warm place where Arnold 
was at the time. The enemy was thus driven to 
camp. 

Arnold was shot in the same leg that was 
wounded at Quebec ; so he was borne back to 
the extreme rear, where he found Gates eating a 
doughnut and speaking disrespectfully of Arnold. 

A council was now held in Burgoyne's tent, 
and on the question of renewing the fight stood 



iy6 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



six to six, when an eighteen-pound hot shot went 
through the tent, knocking a stylographic pen out 
of General Burgoyne's hand. Almost at once he 
decided to surrender, and the entire army of sijj 
thousand men was surrendered, together with 
arms, portable bath-tubs, and leather hat-boxes. 
The Americans marched into their camp to the 




KNOCKING A STYLOGRAPHIC PBN OUT OF BTTRGOYNS's HAND. 



tune of Yankee Doodle, which is one of the most 
impudent compositions ever composed. 

During the Valley Forge winter {1777-7S) Con- 
tinental currency depreciated in value so that an 
officer's pay would not buy his clothes. Many, 
having also spent their private funds for the pros- 
ecution of the war, were obliged to resign and 
hire out in the lumber woods in order to get 
food for their families. Troops had no blankets. 



THE BEGINNING OF THE END. 1 7/ 

and straw was not to be had. It was extremely 
sad ; but there was no wavering. Officers were 
approached by the enemy with from one hundred 
to one thousand pounds if they would accept and 
use their influence to effect a reconciliation ; but, 
with blazing eye and unfaltering attitude, each 
stated that he was not for sale, and returned to 
his frozen mud-hole to rest and dream of food and 
freedom. 

Those were the untitled nobility from whom we 
sprung. Let us look over our personal record 
and see if we are living lives that are worthy of 
such heroic sires. 

Five minutes will now be given the reader to 
make a careful examination of his personal record. 



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In the spring the joyful news came across the 
sea that, through the efforts of Benjamin Frank- 
lin, France had acknowledged the independence 
of the United States, and a fleet was on the way 
to assist the struggling troops. 

The battle of Monmouth occurred June 28. 
Clinton succeeded Howe, and, alarmed by the 
news of the French fleet, the government ordered 
Clinton to concentrate his tioops near New York, 
where there were better facilities for getting home. 

Washington followed the enemy across New 
Jersey, overtaking them at Monmouth. Lee was 



178 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

in command, and got his men tangled in a swamp 
where the mosquitoes were quite plenty, and, 
losing courage, ordered a retreat. 

Washington arrived at that moment, and bit- 
terly upbraided Lee. He used the Flanders 
method of upbraiding, it is said, and Lee could 
not stand it. He started towards the enemy in 
preference to being there with Washington, who 
was still rebuking him. The fight was renewed, 
and all day long they fought. When night came, 
Clinton took his troops with him and went away 
where they could be by themselves. 

An effort was made to get up a fight between 
the French fleet and the English at Newport for 
the championship, but a severe storm came up 
and prevented it. 

In July the Wyoming Massacre, under the man- 
agement of the Tories and Indians, commanded 
by Butler, took place in that beautiful valley near 
Wilkes Barre. Pennsylvania. 

This massacre did more to make the Indians 
and Tories unpopular in this country than any 
other act of the war. The men were away in the 
army, and the women, children, and old men alone 
were left to the vengeance of the two varieties of 
savage. The Indians had never had gospel privi- 
leges, but the Tories had. Otherwise they resem- 
bled each other. 

In 1779 the English seemed to have Georgia 



THE BEGINNING OF THE END. 



179 



and the South pretty well to themselves. Pre- 
vost, the English general, made an attack on 
Charleston, but, learning that Lincoln was after 
him, decided that, as he had a telegram to meet a 
personal friend at Savannah, he would go there. 
In September, Lincoln, assisted by the French 
under D'Estaing, attacked Savannah. One thou- 
sand lives were lost, and D'Estaing showed the 
white feather to advantage. Count Pulaski lost 
his life in this fight. He was a brave Polish 
patriot, and his body was buried in the Savannah 
River. 

The capture of Stony Point about this time by 
" Mad Anthony Wayne" was one of the most 
brilliant battles of the war. 




THE ONLY THING WAYNB WAS AFRAID OF. 



t8o HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES 

Learning the countersign from a negro who 
sold strawberries to the British, the troops passed 
the guard over the bridge that covered the marsh, 
and, gagging the worthy inside guard, they 
marched up the hill with fixed bayonets and fixed 
the enemy to the number of six hundred. 

The countersign was, " The fort is won," and so 
it was, in less time than it takes to ejaculate the 
word "scat!" Wayne was wounded at the out- 
set, but was carried up the hill in command, with 
a bandaofe tied about his head. He was a brave 
man, and never knew in battle what fear was. 
Yet, strange to say, a bat in his bed would make 
him start up and turn pale. 



CHAPTER XVIII. 



THE CLOSE OF THE REVOLUTION. 

THE atrocities introduced into this country by 
the Tories and Indians caused General Sul- 
livan to go out against the measly enemy, 
whip him near Elmira, and destroy the fields of 
corn and villages in the Genesee country, where 
the Indian women were engaged in farming while 
their men-folks attended to the massacre industry. 
The weak point with the Americans seemed to 
be lack of a suitable navy. A 
navy costs money, and the Colo- 
nists were poor. In 1775 they 
fitted out several swift sailing-ves- 
sels, which did good service. In- 
side of five years they captured 
over five hundred ships, cruised 
among the British 
isles, and it is re- 
ported that they 
captured war-ves 
sels that were 
tied to the English 

wharves. general gmes's pkopek career. 

16 181 





1 82 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Paul Jones had a method of running his vessel 
alongside the enemy's, lashing the two together, 
and then having it out with the crew, generally 
winning in a canter. His idea in lashing the two 
ships together was to have one good ship to ride 
home on. Generally it was the one he captured, 
while his own, which was rotten, was allowed to go 
down. This was especially the case in the fight 
between the Richard and the Serapis, September 

23. 1779- 

In 1780 the war was renewed in South Caro- 
lina. Charleston, after a forty days' siege, was 
forced to surrender. Gates now took charge of 
the South, and also gave a sprinting exhibition at 
Camden, where he was almost wiped off the face 
of the earth. He had only two troops left at the 
close of the battle, and they could not keep up 
with Gates in the retreat. This battle and the 
retreat overheated Gates and sowed the seeds of 
heart-disease, from which he never recovered. 
He should have chosen a more peaceful life, such 
as the hen-traffic, or the growth of asparagus for 
the market. 

Benedict Arnold has been severely reproached 
in history, but he was a brave soldier, and possibly 
serving under Gates, who jealously kept him in 
the background, had a good deal to do with the 
little European dicker which so darkened his bril- 
liant career as a soldier. 



THE CLOSE OF THE REVOLUTION. 



183 




ARNOLD S RECEPTION IN ENGLAND. 



Unhappy man ! He 
was not well received in 
England, and, though a 
brilliant man, was forced 

to sit in a corner evening after evening and hear 
the English tell his humorous stories as their own. 

The Carolinas were full of Tories, and oppo- 
sition to English rule was practically abandoned in 
the South for the time, with the exception of that 
made in a desultory swamp-warfare by the parti- 
san bands with such leaders as Marion, Sumter, 
and Pickens. 

Two hundred thousand dollars of Continental 
money was the sum now out. Forty dollars of it 
would buy one dollar's worth of groceries ; but 
the grocer had to know the customer pretty well, 
and even then it was more to accommodate than 
anything else that he sold at that price. 

The British flooded the country with a counter- 
feit that was rather better-looking than the gen- 
uine : so that by the time a man had paid six 



1 84 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

hundred dollars for a pair of boots, and the 
crooked bills had been picked out and others 
substituted, it made him feel that starting a re- 
public was a mighty unpopular job. 

General Arr.j'd had married a Tory lady, and 
lived in Philadelphia while recovering from his 
wounds received at Quebec and Saratoga. He 
was rather a high roller, and ran behind, so thaf 
it is estimated that his bills there per month re- 
quired a peach-basket-full of currency with which 
to pay them, as the currency was then quoted. 
Besides, Gates had worried him, and made him 
think that patriotism was mostly politics. He was 
also overbearing, and the people of Philadelphia 
mobbed him once. He was reprimanded gently 
by Washington, but Arnold was haughty and yet 
humiliated. He got command of West Point, a 
very important place indeed, and then arranged 
with Clinton to swap it for six thousand three 
hundred and fifteen pounds and a colonelcy in 
the English army. 

Major Andre was appointed to confer with 
Arnold, and got off the ship Vulture to make his 
way to the appointed place, but it was daylight by 
that time, and the Vulture, having been fired on, 
dropped down the river. Andre now saw no way 
for him but to get back to New York ; but at 
Tarrytown he was met by three patriots, who 
caught his horse by the reins, and, though Andr6 



THE CLOSE OF THE REVOLUTION, 185 

tried to tip them, he did not succeed. They 
found papers on his person, among them a copy 
of Punch, which made them suspicious that he 
was not an American, and so he was tried and 
hanged as a spy. This was one of the saddest 
features of the American Revolution, and should 
teach us to be careful how we go about in an 
enemy's country, also to use great care in select- 
ing and subscribing for papers. 

In 1 78 1, Greene, who succeeded Gates, took 
charge of the two thousand ragged and bony 
troops. January 1 7 he was attacked at Cowpens 
by Tarleton. The militia fell back, and the 
English made a grand charge, supposing victory 
to be within reach. But the wily and foxy troops 
turned at thirty yards and gave the undertaking 
business a boom that will never be forgfotten. 

Morgan was in command of the Colonial forces. 
He went on looking for more regulars to kill, but 
soon ran up against Cornwallis the surrenderer. 

General Greene now joined Morgan, and took 

charge of the retreat. At the Yadkin River they 

crossed over ahead of Cornwallis. when it began 

for to rain. When Cornwallis came to the river he 

found it so swollen and restless that he decided 

not to cross. Later he crossed higher up, and 

made for the fords of the Dan at thirty miles a 

day, to head off the Americans. Greene beat 

him, however, by a length, and saved his troops, 

16* 



1 86 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

The writer has seen the place on the Yadkin 
where Cornwallis decided not to cross. It was 
one of the pivotal points of the war, and is of 
about medium height. 

A fight followed at Guilford Court-House, where 
the Americans were driven back, but the enemy 
got thinned out so noticeably that Cornwallis 
decided to retreat. He went back to Washington 
on a Bull Run schedule, without pausing even for 
feed or water. Cornwallis was greatly agitated, 
and the coat he wore at the time, and now shown 
in the Smithsonian Institution, shows distinctly the 
marks made where the Colonists played checkers 
on the tail. 

The battle of Eutaw Springs. September 8, 
also greatly reduced the British forces at that 
point. 

Arnold conducted a campaign into Virginia, and 
was very brutal about it, killing a great many peo- 
ple who were strangers to him, and who had never 
harmed him. not knowing him, as the historian 
says, from "Adam's off ox." 

Cornwallis in this Virginia and Southern trip 
destroyed ten million dollars' worth of property, 
and then fortified himself at Yorktown. 

Washington decided to besiege Yorktown, and, 
making a feint to fool Clinton, set out for that 
place, visiting Mount Vernon en route after an 
absence of six and a half years, though only 



THE CLOSE OF THE REVOLUTION. 



187 



Stopping two days. Washington was a soldier 
in the true sense, and, when a lad, was given a 
little hatchet by his father. George cut down 
some cherry-trees with this, in order to get the 
cherries without climbing the trees. One day his 
father discovered that the trees had been cut 
down, and spoke of it to the lad. 

"Yes," said George, "I did it with my little 
hatchet ; but I would rather cut down a thousand 
cherry-trees and tell the truth about it than be 
punished for it." 

"Well said, my brave boy!" exclaimed the 
happy father as he emptied George's toy bank 
into his pocket in payment 
for the trees. " You took 
the words right out of my 
mouth." 

In speaking of the siege 
of Yorktown, the historian 
says, "The most hearty 
good will prevailed." What 
more could you expect of a 
siege than that ? 

Cornwallis capitulated 
October 19. It was the 
most artistic capitulation he 
had ever given. The troops 
were arranged in two lines 
facing each other, British 




GBORes's FATHER TAKING PAY FOR TUB 
CHBRRY-TRBBS. 



i88 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



and American with their allies the French under 
Rochambeau. 

People came from all over the country who had 
heard of Cornwallis and his wonderful genius as 
a capitulator. They came for miles, and brought 
their lunches with them ; but the general, who felt 
an unnecessary pique towards Washington, 
refused to take part in the exercises himself, 

claiming that by the 
advice of his physi- 
cians he would have 
to remain in his tent, 
^"^ as they feared 

that he had over- 
capitulated himself 
already. He there- 
fore sent his sword 
by General O'Hara, 
and Washington 
turned it over to 
Lincoln, who had been obliged to surrender to 
the English at Charleston. 

The news reached Philadelphia in the night. 
and when the watchman cried. " Past two o'clock, 
and Cornwallis is taken !" the people arose and 
went and prayed and laughed like lunatics, for 
they regarded the war as virtually ended. The 
old door-keeper of Congress died of delight. 
Thanks were returned to Almighty God, and 




CORNWALLIS SENDING HIS SWOKD BY GENERAL O'HARA. 



THE CLOSE OF THE REVOLUTION. 189 

George Washington's nomination was a sure 

thing. 

England decided that whoever counselled war 
any further was a public enemy, and Lord North, 
then prime minister, when he heard of the sur- 
render of Cornwallis through a New York paper, 
exclaimed, " Oh, God ! it is all over !" 

Washington now showed his sagacity in quelling 
the fears of the soldiers regarding their back pay. 
He was invited to become king, but, having had 
no practice, and fearing that he might run agamst 
a coup d'etat ox faux pas, he declined, and spoke 
kindly against taking violent measures. 

In 1783, September 3, a treaty of peace was 
signed in Paris, and Washington, delivering the 
most successful farewell address ever penned, 
retired to Mount Vernon, where he began at once 
to enrich his farm with the suggestions he had 
received during his absence, and to calmly take 
up the life that had been interrupted by the tedious 
and disagreeable war. 

The country was free and independent, but, oh, 
how ignorant it was about the science of govern- 
ment ! The author does not wish to be personal 
when he states that the country at that time did 
not know enough about affairs to carry water for 
a circus elephant. 

It was heavily in debt, with no power to raise 
money. New England refused to pay her poll-tax, 



190 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



and a party named Shays directed his hired man 
to overturn the government ; but a felon broke 
out on his thumb, and before he could put it down 
the crisis was averted and the country saved. 




WASHINGTON BBUAN AT ONCB TO EKRICH HIS FARM. 



CHAPTEIl XIX. 

THE FIRST PRESIDENT. 

IT now became the duty of the new republic to 
seek out the man to preside over it. and 
George Washington seems to have had no 
rivals. He rather reluctantly left his home at 
Mount Vernon, where he was engaged in trying 
the rotation of crops, and solemnly took the oath 
to support the Constitution of the United States, 
which had been adopted September 17, 1787. 
His trip in April, 1789, from Mount Vernon to 
the seat of government in New York was a sim- 
ple but beautiful ovation. 

Everybody tried to make it pleasant for him. 
He was asked at all the towns to build there, and 
'most everybody \ anted him "to come and make 
their house his home." When he got to the ferry 
he was not pushed off into the water by com- 
muters, but lived to reach the Old Federal Hall, 
where he was sworn in. 

In 1 79 1 the seat of government was removed 
to Philadelphia, where it remained for ten years, 
after which the United States took advantage of 
the Homestead Act and located on a tract of land 

191 



192 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



ten miles square, known as the District of Co- 
lumbia. In 1846 that part of the District lying 
on the Virginia side of the Potomac was ceded 
back to the State. 

President Washington did not have to escape 

from the capital to 

avoid ofifice-seekei's. 

He could 

get on a 

horse at 

his door and in 

five minutes be 

out of sight. He 

could remain in 

the forest back of 

his house until 

Martha blew the 

horn signifying 

that the man who 




MARTHA BLEW THE HORN. 



wanted the post- 
office at Pigback had gone, and then he could 
return. 

How times have changed with the growth of 
the republic ! Now Pigback has grown so that 
the name has been changed to Hogback, and the 
President avails himself of every funeral that 
he can possibly feel an interest in, to leave the 
swarm of jobless applicants who come to pester 
him to death for appointments. 



THE FIRST PRESIDENT 1 93 

The historian begs leave to say here that the 
usefulness of the President for the good of his 
country and the consideration of greater questions 
will some day be reduced to very little unless he 
may be able to avoid this effort to please voters 
who overestimate their greatness. 

It is said that Washington had no library, which 
accounted for his originality. He was a vestry- 
man in the Episcopal Church ; and to see his tall 
and graceful form as he moved about from pew to 
pew collecting pence for Home Missions, was a 
lovely sight. 

As a boy he was well behaved and a careful 
student. 

At one time he was given a hatchet by his 
father, which 

But what has the historian to do with this mor- 
bid wandering in search of truth ? 

Things were very much unsettled. England 
had not sent a minister to this country, and had 
arranged no commercial treaty with us. 

Washington's Cabinet consisted of three port- 
folios and a rack in which he kept his flute-music. 

The three ministers were the Secretary of State, 
the Secretary of War. and the Secretary of the 
Treasury. There was no Attorney-General, or 
Postmaster-General, or Secretary of the Interior, 
or of the Navy, or Seed Catalogue Secretary. 

Hamilton, the Secretary of the Treasury, ad- 



194 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

vised tliat Congress at the earliest moment pro- 
vide itself with a national debt, which was done, 
the war debt being assumed by the Congressional 
representatives of the thirteen Colonies. 

A tax was levied on spirits, and a mint started, 
combining the two, and making the mint encour- 
age the consumption of spirits, and thus the in- 
crease of the tax, very likely. 

A Whiskey Rebellion broke out in 1 794. Penn- 
sylvania especially rebelled at the tax on this gro- 
cery, but it was put down. (Those wishing to 
know which was put down will find out by con- 
sulting the y\ppendix, which will be issued a year 
from this winter.) 

A few Indian wars now kept the people inter- 
ested, and a large number of the red brothers, 
under Little Turtle, soon found themselves in 
the soup, as Washington put it so tersely in his 
message the following year. Twenty-five thou- 
sand square miles north of the Ohio were obtained 
by treaty from the Indians. 

Encrland claimed that traffic with America was 
not desirable, as the Americans did not pay their 
debts. Possibly that was true, for muskrat pelts 
were low at that time, and England refused to 
take cord-wood and saw-logs piled on the New^ 
York landing as cash. 

Chief-Justice Jay was sent to London to confer 
with the king, which he did. He was not invited, 



THE FIRST PRESIDENT. 19S 

However, to come to the house during his stay, 
and the queen did not call on Mrs. Jay. The 
Jays have never recovered from this snub, and 
are still gently guyed by the comic papers. 

But the treaty was negotiated, and now the 
Americans are said to pay their debts as well as 
the nobility who marry our American girls instead 
of going into bankruptcy, as some would do. 

The Mississippi and the Mediterranean Sea 
were opened for navigation to American vessels 
now, and things looked better, for we could by 
this means exchange our cranberries for sugar and 
barter our Indian relics for camel's-hair shawls, of 
which the pioneers were ver)^ much in need during 
the rigorous winters in the North. 

The French now had a difficulty with England, 
and Washington, who still remembered La Fayette 
and the generous aid of the French, wished that 
he was back at Mount Vernon, working out his 
poll-tax on the Virginia roads, for he was in a 
tight place. 

It was now thought best to have two political 
parties, in order to enliven editorial thought and 
expression. So the Republican party, headed by 
Jefferson, Madison, and Randolph, and the Fed- 
eralist party, led by Hamilton and Adams, were 
organized, and public speakers were engaged 
from a distance. 

The latter party supported the admimstration. 



196 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



— which was not so much of a job as it has been 
several times since. 

Washington declined to accept a third term, 
and wrote a first-rate farewell address. A lady, 
whose name is withheld, writing of those times, 




OIL THE GEARINC, OP THE SOT,AR SVSTBM. 



closes by saying that President Washington was 
one of the sweetest men she ever knew. 

John Adams succeeded Washington as Pres- 
ident, and did not change his politics to amount 
to much. 

He made a good record as Congressman, biit 



THE FIRST PRESIDENT. 1 97 

lost it as President largely because of his egotism. 
He seemed to think that if he neglected to oil the 
gearing of the solar system about so often, it 
would stop running. We should learn from this 
to be humble even when we are in authority. 
Adams and Jefferson were good friends during 
the Revolution, but afterwards political differences 
estranged them till they returned to private life. 
Adams was a poor judge of men. and offended 
several members of the press who called on him 
to get his message in advance. 

Our country was on the eve of a war with 
France, when Napoleon I. was made Consul, and 
peace followed. 

Adams's administration made the Federalists 
unpopular, owing to the Alien and Sedition laws, 
and Jefferson was elected the successor of Adams, 
Burr running as Vice-President with him. The 
election was so close that it went to the House, 
however. 

Jefferson, or the Sage of Monticello. was a good 
President, noted for his simplicity. He married 
and brought his bride home to Monticello prior to 
this. She had to come on horseback about one 
hundred miles, and. as the house was unfinished 
and no servants there, they had to sleep on the 
work-bench and eat what was left of the carpen- 
ter's lunch. 

Jeffersonian simplicity was his strong point, and 
»7*. 



igS 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



people who called at the White House often found 
him sprinkling the floor of his office, or trying to 
start a fire with kerosene. 

Burr was Vice-President, and, noticing at once 
that the office did not attract any attention to 
speak of decided to challenge Mr. Alexander 
Hamilton to fight a duel with him. 




TRYING TO START A FIRE WITH KBROSENE. 



The affair took place at Weehawken, July ii, 
1804. Hamilton fell at the first fire, on the same 
spot where his eldest son had been killed in the 
same way. 

The artist has shown us how Burr and Hamilton 
should have fought, but, alas ! they were not pro- 
gressive men and did not realize this till too late. 
Another method would have been to use the 



THE FIRST PRESIDENT. 1 99 

bloodless method of the French duel, or the 
newspaper customs adopted by the pugilists of 
1893. The time is approaching when mortal com- 
bat in America will be confined to belligerent 
people under the influence of liquor, A news- 
paper assault instead of a duel might have made 
Burr President and Hamilton Vice-President. 




THH MODBKN WAY OH SETTLING UIFPEKENCBS. 

Burr went West, and was afterwards accused 
of treason on the ground that he was trying to 
organize Mexico against the United States gov- 
ernment. He was put in a common jail to await 
trial. Afterwards he was discharged, but was 
never again on good terms with the government, 
and never rose again. 

When he came into town and registered at the 
hotel the papers did not say anything a]x)ut it ; 
and so he stopped taking them, thus falling into 



200 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



ignorance and oblivion at the same moment, al- 
though at one time he had lacked but a single 
vote to make him President of the United States. 
England and France still continued at war, and 
American vessels were in hot water a good deal, 




NOT TOO HAUGHTY TO HAVE FUN SOMETIMES. 



as they were liable to be overhauled by both par- 
ties. England especially, with the excuse that she 
was looking for deserters, stopped American ves- 
sels and searched them, going through the sleep- 
ing-apartments before the work was done up, — 



THE FIRST PRESIDENT. 20I 

ai^ of the rudest things known in international 
affairs. 

An Embargo Act was passed forbidding Amer- 
ican vessels to leave port, an act which showed 
that the bray of the ass had begun to echo 
through the halls of legislation even at that 
early day. 

In the mean time, Jefferson had completed his 
second term, and James Madison, the Republican 
candidate, had succeeded him at the helm of state, 
as it was then called. 

His party favored a war with England, especially 
as the British had begun again to stir up the red 
brother. 

Madison was a Virginian. He was a man of 
unblemished character, and was not too haughty 
to have fun sometimes. This endeared him to the 
whole nation. Unlike Adams, he never swelled 
up so that his dignity hurt him under the arms. 
He died in 1836, genial and sunny to the last. 

It was now thought best to bring on the war of 
181 2. which began by an Indian attack at Tippe- 
canoe on General Harrison's troops in 181 1, when 
the Indians were defeated. June 19, 181 2, war 
was finally declared. 

The first battle was between the forces under 
General Hull on our side and the English and 
Indians on the British side, near Detroit. The 
troops faced each other, Tecumseh being the 



202 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




Indian leader, and both armies stood 
ready to have one of the best battles 
ever given in public or private, when 
General Hull was suddenly over- 
come with remorse at the thought 
of shedding blood, especially among 
people who were so common, and, 
shaking a large table-cloth out the 
window in token of peace, amid the 
tears of his men, surrendered his 
entire command in a way that re- 
minded old settlers very much of 
Cornwallis. 



M'KKENDKK DF GENERAL KUtF-. 



CHAPTER XX. 

THE WAR WITH CANADA. 

OCTOBER 13, General Van Rensselaer 
crossed the Niagara River and attacked 
the British at Queenstown Heights, The 
latter retreated, and General Brock was killed. 
General Van Rensselaer went back after the rest 
of his troops, but they refused to cross, on the 
ground that the general had no right to take them 
out of the United States, and thus the troops 
left in charge at the Heights were compelled to 
surrender. 

These troops who refused to go over and accept 
a victory already won for them, because they 
didn't want to cross the Canadian line, would not 
have shied so at the boundary if they had been 
boodlers, very likely, in later years. 

August 19 occurred the naval fight between the 
Constitution and Guerriere, off the Massachusetts 
coast. The Constitution, called "■ Old Ironsides," 
was commanded by Captain Isaac Hull. The 
Guerriere was first to attack, but got no reply 
until both vessels were very close together, when 

into her starboard Captain Hull poured such a 

203 



204 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



load of hardware that the Guerriere was soon 
down by the head and lop-sided on the off side. 
She surrendered, but was of no value, being so 
full of holes that she would not hold a cargo of 
railroad-trestles. 




IF THEY HAD BEEN BOODLERS. 



The economy used by the early American war- 
riors by land and sea regarding their ammunition, 
holding their fire until the enemy was at arm's 
length, was the cause of more than one victory. 
They were obliged, indeed, to make every bullet 
count in the days when even lead was not pro- 
duced here, and powder was imported. 

October 13, the naval fight between the Frolic 
anrl Wasp took place, off the North Carolina 
coast. The Frolic was an English brig, and she 
wound UD as most frolics do, with a severe pain 



THE WAR WITH CANADA. 205 

and a five-dollar fine. After the Wasp had called 
and left her R. S. V. P. cards, the decks of the 
Frolic were a sight to behold. There were not 
enough able-bodied men to surrender the ship. 
She was captured by the boarding-crew, but there 
was not a man left of her own crew to haul down 
the colors. 

Other victories followed on the sea, and Amer- 
ican privateers had more fun than anybody. 

Madison was re-elected, thus showing that his 
style of administration suited one and all, and the 
war was prosecuted at a great rate. It became a 
sort of fight with Canada, the latter being sup- 
ported by English arms by land and sea. Of 
course the Americans would have preferred to 
fight England direct, and many were in favor of 
attacking London ; but when the commanding 
officer asked those of the army who had the 
means to go abroad to please raise their right 
hands, it was found that the trip must be aban- 
doned. Those who had the means to go did not 
have suitable clothes for making a respectable 
appearance, and so it was given up. 

Three divisions were made of the army, all 
having an attack on Canada as the object in view, 
— viz., the army of the Centre, the army of the 
North, and the army of the West. The armies 
of the Centre and North did not do much, aside 
from the trifling victory at York, and President 

18 



206 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



Madison said afterwards in a letter to the writer's 
family that the two armies did not accomplish 
enough to pay the duty on them. The army of 
the West managed to stand off the British, though 
the latter still held Michigan and threatened Ohio. 
September ro, Perry's victory on Lake Erie 
occurred, and was well received. Perry was 
twenty-seven years old, and was given command 
of a flotilla on Lake Erie, provided he would cut 
the timber and build it, meantime boarding him- 
self. The British had long been in possession of 
Lake Erie, and when Perry got his scoavs atioat 
they issued invitations for a general display of 
carnage. They bore down on Perry and killed 
all the men on his flag-ship but eight. Then he 
helped them fire the last 
gun, and with the flag %..,i^.^-t lA. 



they jumped 
into a boat 
which they 
paddled for 




BUILDING THB PLBBT, MBANTIMS BOAROIMti H1M8BLV, 



THE WAR WITH CANADA. 207 

the Niagara under a galling fire. This was the 
first time that a galling fire had ever been used at 
sea. Perry passed within pistol-shot of the Brit- 
ish, and in less than a quarter of an hour after he 
trod the poop of the Niagara he was able to write 
to General Harrison, '^We have met the enemy, 
and they are ours." 

Proctor and Tecumseh were at Maiden, with 
English and Indians, preparing to plunder the 
frontier and kill some more women and children 
as soon as they felt rested up. At the news of 
Perry's victory, Harrison decided to go over and 
stir them up. Arriving at Maiden, he found it 
deserted, and followed the foe to the river 
Thames, where he charged with his Kentucky 
horsemen right through the British lines and so 
on down the valley, where they reformed and 
started back to charge on their rear, when the 
whole outfit surrendered except the Indians. 
Proctor, however, was mounted on a tall fox- 
hunter which ran away with him. He afterwards 
wrote back to General Harrison that he made 
every effort to surrender personally, but that cir- 
cumstances prevented. He was gready pained 
by this. 

The Americans now charged on the Indians, 
and Johnson, the commander of the Blue Grass 
Dragoons, fired a shot which took Tecumseh just 
west of the watch-pocket. He died, he said, 



2o8 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



tickled to death to know that he had been shot 
by an American. 

Captain Lawrence, of the Hornet, having taken 
the British brig Peacock, was given command of 
the Chesapeake, which he took to Boston to have 
repaired. While there, he got a challenge from 




PROCTOR ON A TALL FOX-HUNTBR WHICH RAN AWAY WITH HIM. 



the Shannon. He put to sea with half a crew, 
and a shot in his chest — that is, the arm-chest of 
the ship— burst the whole thing open and annoyed 
every one on board. The enemy boarded the 
Chesapeake and captured her, so Captain Law- 
rence, her brave commander, breathed his last, 
after begging his men not to give up the ship. 
However, the victories on the Canadian border 



THE WAR WITH CANADA. 209 

settled the war once more for the time, and 
cheered the Americans very much. 

The Indians in 181 3 fell upon Fort Mimms and 
massacred the entire garrison, men, women, and 
children, not because they felt a personal antipathy 
towards them, but because they — the red brothers 
— had sold their lands too low and their hearts 
were sad in their bosoms. There is really no fun 
in trading with an Indian, for he is devoid of busi- 
ness instincts, and reciprocity with the red brother 
has never been a success. 

General Jackson took some troops and attacked 
the red brother, killing six hundred of him and 
capturing the rest of the herd. Jackson did not 
want to hear the Indians speak pieces and see 
them smoke the pipe of peace, but buried the 
dead and went home. He had very little of the 
romantic complaint which now and then breaks 
out regarding the Indian, but knew full well that 
all the Indians ever born on the face of the earth 
could not compensate for the cruel and violent 
death of one good, gende, patient American 
mother. 

Admiral Cockburn now began to pillage the 
coast of the Southern States and borrow com- 
munion services from the churches of Virginia 
and the Carolinas. He also murdered the sick 
in their beds. 

Perhaps a word of apology is due the Indians 

l8« 



210 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

after all. Possibly they got their ideas from 
Cockburn. 

The battle of Lundy's Lane had been arranged 
for July 25, 1814, and so the Americans crossed 
Niagara under General Brown to invade Canada. 
General Winfield Scott led the advance, and gained 
a brilliant victory, July 5, at Chippewa. The sec- 
ond engagement was at Lundy's Lane, within the 
sound of the mighty cataract. Old man Lundy, 
whose lane was used for the purpose, said that it 
was one of the bloodiest fights, by a good many 
gallons, that he ever attended. The battle was, 
however, barren of results, the historian says, 
though really an American victory from the stand 
point of the tactician and professional gore-spiller. 

In September, Sir George Prevost took twelve 
thousand veteran troops who had served under 
Wellington, and started for Plattsburg. The 
ships of the British at the same time opened fire 
on the nine-dollar American navy, and were almost 
an-nihilated. The troops under Prevost started in 
to fight, but, learning of the destruction of the 
British fleet on Lake Champlain, Prevost fled like 
a frightened fawn, leaving his sick and wounded 
and large stores of lime-juice, porridge, and plum- 
pudding. The Americans, who had been living 
on chopped horse-feed and ginseng-root, took a 
week off and gave themselves up to the false joys 
of lime-juice and general good feeling. 



THE WAR WITH CANADA. 



211 



Along the coast the British destroyed every- 
thing they could lay their hands on ; but perhaps 
the rudest thing they did was to enter Wash- 
ington and burn the Capitol, the Congressional 
library, and the smoke-house in which President 
Madison kept his hams. Even now, when the 
writer is a guest of some great English dignitary, 
and perhaps at table picking the " merry-thought" 
of a canvas-back duck, the memory of this thing 
comes over him, and, burying his face in the costly 
napery, he gives himself up to grief 
until kind words and a celer)^-glass- 
full of turpentine, or something, bring 
back his buoyancy and rainbow 
smile. The hospitality and generous 
treatment of our English brother to 
Americans now is something beauti- 
ful, unaffected, and well worth a voyage 
across the qualmy sea to see, but when 
Cockburn burned down the Capitol and 
took the President's sugar-cured hams 
he did a rude act. 




HIS KAINBOW bMILS. 



CHAPTER XXI. 

THE ADVANCE OF THE REPUBLIC. 

THE administration now began to suffer at the 
hands of the people, many of whom criti- 
cised the conduct of the war and that of the 
President also. People met at Hartford and spoke 
so harshly that the Hartford Federalist obtained a 
reputation which clung to him for many years. 

There being no cable in those days, the peace 
by Treaty of Ghent was not heard of in time to 
prevent the battle of New Orleans, January 8, 
1 815, there having been two weeks of peace as a 
matter of fact when this hot and fatal battle was 
fought. 

General Pakenham, with a force of twelve thou- 
sand men by sea and land, attacked the city. The 
land forces found General Jackson intrenched 
several miles below the city. He had used cotton 
for fortifications at first, but a hot shot had set a 
big bunch of it on fire and rolled it over towards 
the powder-supplies, so that he did not use cotton 
any more. 

General Pakenham was met by the solid pha- 
lanx of Tennessee and Kentucky riflemen, who 

«I2 



THE ADVANCE OF THE REPUBLIC. 213 

reserved their fire, as usual, until the loud uniform 
of the English could be distinctly heard, when they 
poured into their ranks a galling fire, as it was so 
tersely designated at the time. General Paken- 
ham fell mortally wounded, and his troops were 
repulsed, but again rallied, only to be again re- 
pulsed. This went on until night, when General 
Lambert, who succeeded General Pakenham, with- 
drew, hopelessly beaten, and with a loss of over 
two thousand men. 

The United States now found that an honor- 
able peace had been obtained, and with a debt 
of $127,000,000 started in to pay it up by instal- 
ments, which was done inside of twenty years from 
the ordinary revenue. 

In the six years following, one State per year 
was added to the Union, and all kinds of manu- 
factures were built up to supply the goods that 
had been cut off by the blockade during the war. 
Even the deluge of cheap goods from abroad 
after the war did not succeed in breaking these 
down. 

James Monroe was almost unanimously elected. 
He was generally beloved, and his administration 
was, in feet, known a« the original "era of good 
feeling," since so successfully reproduced espe- 
cially by the Governors of North and South 
Carolina. (See Appendix,) 

Through the efforts of Henry Ckty, Missouri 



214 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

was admitted as a slave State in 1821, under the 
compromise that slavery should not be admitted 
into any of the Territories west of the Mississippi 
and north of parallel 36° 2)^' N. 

Clay was one of the greatest men of his time, 
and was especially eminent as an eloquent and 
magnetic speaker in the days when the record for 
eloquence was disputed by the giants of American 
oratory, and before the Senate of the United 
States had become a wealthy club of men whose 
speeches are rarely printed except at so much per 
column, paid in advance. 

Clay was the original patentee of the slogan for 
campaign use. 

Lafayette revisited this country in 18 19, and 
was greeted with the greatest hospitality. He 
visited the grave of Washington, and tenderly 
spoke of the grandeur of character shown by his 
chief. 

He was given the use of the Brandywine, a 
government ship, for his return. As he stood on 
the deck of the vessel at Pier i. North River, his 
mind again recurred to Washington, and to those 
on shore he said that " to show Washington's love 
of truth, even as a child, he could tell an interest- 
ing incident of him relating to a little new hatchet 
given him at the time by his father." As he 
reached this point in his remarks, Lafayette noted 
with surprise that some one had slipped his cable 



THE ADVANCE OF THE REPUBLIC. 215 

from shore and his ship was gently shoved off by 
people on the pier, while his voice was drowned 
in the notes of the New York Oompah Oompah 
Band as it struck up "Johnny, git yer Gun." 

Florida was ceded to the United States in the 
same year by Spain, and was sprinkled over with 
a light coating of sand for the waves to monkey 
with. The Everglades of Florida are not yet 
under cultivation. 

Mr. Monroe became the author of what is now 
called the " Monroe doctrine," — viz., that the ef- 
fort of any foreign country to obtain dominion in 
America would thereafter and forever afterwards 
be regarded as an unfriendly act. Rather than 
be regarded as unfriendly, foreign countries now 
refrain from doing their dominion or dynasty work 
here. 

The Whigs now appeared, and the old Repub- 
lican party became known as the Democratic 
party. John Quincy Adams and Heniy Clay 
were Whigs, and John C. Calhoun and Andrew 
Jackson were Democrats. The Whigs favored a 
high protective tariff and internal improvement 
The Democrats did not favor anything especially, 
but bitterly opposed the Whig measures, whatever 
they were. 

In 1825, John Quincy Adams, son of John 
Adams, was elected President, and served one 
term. He was a bald-headed man, and the coun- 



2l6 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



try was given four years of unex- 
ampled prosperity. Yet this ex- 
perience has not been regarded 
by the people as it should have 
been. Other kinds of 
men have repeatedly 
been elected to that 
office, only to bring 
sorrow, war, debt, 
and bank-failures 
upon us. Some- 
times it would seem 
to the thinking mind 
that, as a people, we 
need a few car-loads 
of sense in each 
school-district, where 
it can be used at a 
moment's notice. 
Adams was not re-elected, on account of his 
tariff ideas, which were not popular at the South. 
He was called "The old man eloquent," and it is 
said that during his more impassioned passages 
his head, which was round and exti^emely smooth, 
became flushed, so that, from resembling the cue- 
ball on the start, as he rose to more lofty height* 
his dome of thought looked more like the spot 
ball on a billiard-table. No one else in Congress 
at that time had succeeded in doing this. 




BALD-KBADBD MBN NOT ArraJtCIATIB. 



THE ADVANCE OF THE REPUBLIC. 217 

John Quincy Adams was succeeded in 1829 by 
Andrew Jackson, the hero of New Orleans. 
Jackson was the first to introduce what he called 
"rotation in office." During the forty years pre- 
vious there had been but seventy-four removals ; 
Jackson made seven hundred. This custom has 
been pretty generally adopted since, giving im- 
mense satisfaction to those who thrive upon the 
excitement of offensive partisanship and their 
wives' relations, while those who have legitimate 
employment and pay taxes support and educate 
a new official kindergarten with every change of 
administration. 

The prophet sees in the distance an eight-year 
term for the President, and employment thereafter 
as ' charge-d'affaires " of the United States, with 
permission to go beyond the seas. Thus the vast 
sums of money and rivers of rum used in die 
intei-vening campaigns at present will be used for 
the relief of the widow and orphan. The ex- 
President then, with the portfolio of International 
Press Agent for the United States, could go 
abroad and be f^Sted by foreign governments, 
leaving dyspepsia everywhere in his wake and 
crowned heads with large damp towels on them. 

Every ex-President should have some place 
where he could go and hide his shame. A trip 
around the world would require a year, and by 
that time the voters would be so disgusted with 



2l8 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

the new President that the old one would come 
like a healing balm, and he would be permitted to 
die without publishing a bulletin of his temper- 
ature and showing his tongue to the press for 
each edition of the paper. 

South Carolina in 1832 passed a nullification act 
declaring the tariff act "null and void" and an- 
nouncing that the State would secede from the 
Union if force were used to collect any revenue 
at Charleston. South Carolina has always been 
rather " advanced" regarding the matter of seced- 
ing from the American Union. 

President Jackson, however, ordered General 
Scott and a number of troops to go and see 
that the laws were enforced ; but no trouble 
resulted, and soon more satisfactory measures 
were enacted, through the large influence of Mr. 
Clay. 

Jackson was unfriendly to the Bank of the 
United States, and the bank retaliated by con- 
tracting its loans, thus making money-matters 
hard to get hold of by the masses. 

"When the public money," says the historian. 
" which had been withdrawn from the Bank of the 
United States was deposited in local banks, money 
was easy and speculation extended to every branch 
of trade. New cities were laid out ; fabulous prices 
were charged for building-lots which existed only 
on paper " etc. And in Van Buren's time the 



THE ADVANCE OF THE REPUBLIC. 



219 



people paid the violinist, as they have in 1893, 
with ruin and remorse. 

Speculation which is unprofitable should never 
be encouraged. Unprofitable speculation is only 
another term for idiocy. But, on the other hand, 
profitable speculation leads to prosperity, public 
esteem, and the ability to keep a team. We may 
distinguish the one from the other by means of 
ascertaining the difference between them. If one 
finds on waking up in the morning that he ex- 
periences a sensation of being in the poor-house, 
he may almost at once jump to the conclusion 
that the kind of speculation he selected was the 
wron(£ one. 

The Black Hawk War occurred in the North- 
west Territory in 1832. It grew out of the fact 
that the Sacs and Foxes sold their 
lands to the United States and 
afterwards regretted '^ 
that they had not 
asked more for them : 
so they refused to va- 
cate, until several ot 
them had been used 
up on the asparagus- 
beds of the husband- 
man. 

The Florida War 

^1835) gJ'^W out 01 SCALPING A MAN BETWEEN THE SOUr AND THE RKMOVB. 




220 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

the fact that the Seminoles regretted having made 
a clicker with the government at too low a price 
for land. Osceola, the chief, regretted the mat- 
ter so much that he scalped General Thompson 
while the latter was at dinner, which shows that 
the Indian is not susceptible to cultivation or the 
acquisition of any knowledge of table etiquette 
whatever. What could be in poorer taste than 
scalping a man between the soup and the remove? 
The same day Major Dade with one hundred 
men was waylaid, and all but four of the party 
killed. 

Seven years later the Indians were subdued. 

Phrenologically the Indian allows his alimentive- 
ness to overbalance his group of organs which 
show veneration, benevolence, fondness for so- 
ciety, fStes champStres, etc., hope, love of study, 
fondness for agriculture, an unbridled passion fo> 
toil, etc. 

France owed five million dollars for damages to 
our commerce in Napoleon's wars, and. Napoleon 
himself being entirely worthless, having said 
every time that the bill was presented that he 
would settle it as soon as he got back from St. 
Helena, Jackson ordered reprisals to be made, but 
England acted as a peacemaker, and the bill was 
paid. On receiving the money a trunk attached 
by our government and belonging to Naa:>olean 
was released. 



THE ADVANCE OF THE REPUBLIC. 221 

Space here, and the nature of this work, forbid 
an extended opinion regarding the course pursued 
by Napoleon in this matter. His tomb is in the 
basement of the H6tel des Invalides in Paris, and 
you are requested not to fumer while you are 
there. 




FITTED IN PARIS AT GREAT EXPBNSB. 



CHAPTER XXII. 



MORE DIFFICULTIES STRAIGHTENED OUT. 



VAN BUREN, the eighth President, was un- 
fortunate in taking the helm as the finan- 
cial cyclone struck the country. This was 
brought about by scarcity of funds more than 
anything else. Business-men would not pay their 
debts, and, though New York was not then so 
large as at present, one hundred million dollars 
were lost in sixty days in this way. 

The government had required the payments for 
public lands to be made in coin, and so the Treas- 
ury had plenty of gold and silver, while business 
had nothing to work with. Speculation also had 



MORE DIFFICULTIES STRAIGHTENED OUT. 223 



made a good many snobs who had sent dieir gold 
and silver abroad for foreign luxuries, also some 
paupers who could not do so. When a man made 
some money from the sale of rural lots he had his 
hats made abroad, and his wife had her dresses 
fitted in Paris at great expense. Confidence was 
destroyed, and the air was heavy with failures and 
apprehension of more failures to come. 

The Canadians rebelled against England, and 
many of our people wanted to unite with Canada 
against the mother-country, but the police would 
not permit them to do so. General Scott was 
sent to the frontier to keep our people from aiding 
the Canadians. 

There was trouble in the 
Northeast over the 
boundary between ^^ 
Maine and New 




LORD ASHBURTON AND DANIEL WEBSTBR. 



»«4 MISTO/iY OF TNE UNITED STATES. 

Brunswick, but it was settled by the commis- 
sioners, Daniel Webster and Lord Aahburton. 
Webster was a smart man and a good extempo- 
raneous speaker. 

Van Buren failed of a re-election, as the people 
did not fully endorse his administration. Admin- 
istrations are not generally endorsed where the 
people are unable to get over six pounds of sugar 
for a dollar. 

General Harrison, who followed in 1841, died 
soon after choosing his Cabinet, and his Vice- 
President, John Tyler, elected as a Whig, pro- 
ceeded to act as President, but not as a Whig 
President should. His party passed a bill estab- 
lishing the United States Bank, but Tyler vetoed 
it, and the men who elected him wished they had 
been as dead as Rameses was at the time. 

Dorr's justly celebrated rebellion in Rhode 
Island was an outbreak resulting from restricting 
the right of suffrage to those who owned prop- 
erty. A new Constitution was adopted, and Don- 
chosen as Governor. He was not recognized, and 
so tried to capture the seat while the regular 
governor was at tea. He got into jail for life. 
but was afterwards pardoned out and embraced 
the Christian religion. 

In 1844 the Anti-Rent War in the State of New 
York broke out among those who were tenants 
»f the old " Patroon Estates." These men, dis- 



MORM DIFFICULTIES STRAIGHTENED OLT. 225 

guised as Indians, tarred and feathered those who 
paid rent, and killed the collectors who were sent 
to them. In 1846 the matter was settled by the 
military. 

In 1840 the Mormons had settled at Nauvoo, 
Illinois. They were led by Joseph Smith, and not 
only proposed to run a new kind of religion, but 




TARRKD AND FEATHERED FOR PAYING RF.NT. 



introduced polygamy into it. The people who 
lived near them attacked them, killed Smith, and 
drove the Mormons to Iowa, opposite Omaha. 

In 1844 occurred the building of the magnetic 
telegraph, invented by Samuel F. B. Morse. The 
line was from Baltimore to Washington, or vice 
versa, — authorities failing to agree on this matter. 
It cost thirty thousand dollars, and the boys who 
P 



226 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




C^ 



delivered the messages made more out of it 
then than the stockholders did. 

Fulton having invented and perfected the 
steamboat in 1805 and 
started the Clermont on 
^ the North River at the dizzy 
rate of five miles per hour, 
and George Stephenson hav- 
ing in 1 814 made the first 
locomotive to run on a track, 
the people began to feel that 
theosophy was about all they 
needed to place them on a 

THK MESSENGEK-BOYS MADE MORE OUT OF IT IcVCl with thC SCrapWm and 
THAN THE STOCKHOLDERS. 1 1 !• 

Other astral bodies. 

Texas had, under the guidance of Sam Hous- 
ton, obtained her independence from Mexico, and 
asked for admission to the Union. Congress at 
first rejected her, fearing that the Texas people 
lacked cultivation, being so far away from the 
thought-ganglia of the East, also fearing a war 
with Mexico ; but she was at last admitted, and 
now every one is glad of it. 

The Whigs were not in favor of the admission 
of Texas, and made that the issue of the follow- 
ing campaign, Henry Clay leading his party to a 
hospitable grave in the fall. James K. Polk, a 
Democrat, was elected. His rallying cry was, T 
am a Democrat." 



MORE DIFFICULTIES STRAIGHTENED OUT. 227 

The Mexican War now came on. General 
Taylor's army met the enemy first at Palo Alto, 
where he ran across the Mexicans six thousand 
strong, and, though he had but two thousand men, 
drove them back, only losing nine men. This 
was the most economical battle of the war. 

The next afternoon he met the enemy at Resaca 
de la Palma, and whipped him in the time usually 
required to ejaculate the word " scat !" 

Next General Taylor proceeded against Mon- 
terey, September 24, and with six thousand men 
attacked the strongly-fortified city, which held ten 
thousand troops. The Americans avoided the 
heavy fire as well as possible by entering the city 
and securing rooms at the best hotel, leaving 
word at the office that they did not wish to be 
disturbed by the enemy. In fact, the soldiers did 
dig their way through from house to house to 
avoid the volleys from the windows, and thus 
fought to within a square of the Grand Plaza, 
when the city surrendered. The Grand Plaza is 
generally a sandy vacant lot, where Mexicans sell 
tamales made of the highly-peppered but tempting 
cutlets of the Mexican hairless dog. 

The battle of Buena V'ista took place February 
23, 1847. General Santa Anna commanding the 
Mexicans. He had twenty thousand men, and 
General Taylor's troops were reduced in num- 
bers. The fight was a hot one, lasting all day, 



22$ 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



and the Americans were saved by Bragg' s artil- 
lery, Bragg used the old Colonial method of 
rolling his guns up to the nose of the enemy and 
then discharging an iron-foundry into his midst. 
This disgusted the enemy so that General Santa 
Anna that evening took the shreds of his army 
and went away. 

General Kearney was sent to take New Mexico 




THE FIGHT WAS A HOT ONE. 



and California. His work consisted mainly in 
marching for General Fremont, who had been 
surveying a new route to Oregon, and had with 
sixty men been so successful that on the arrival 
of Kearney, with the aid of Commodores Sloat 
and Stockton, California was captured, and has 
given general satisfaction to every one. 

In March, 1847, General Scott, with twelve 
thousand men, bombarded Vera Cruz four days, 



MORE DIFFICULTIES STRAIGHTENED OUT. 22g 

and at the end of that time the city was surren- 
dered. 

At Cerro Gordo, a week later, Scott overtook 
the enemy under General Santa Anna, and made 
such a fierce attack that the Mexicans were com- 
pletely routed. Santa Anna left his leg on the 
field of batde and rode away on a pet mule named 
Charlotte Corday. The leg was preserved and 
taken to the Smithsonian Insdtute. It is made of 
second-growth hickory, and has a brass ferrule 
and a rubber eraser on the end. General Taylor 
afterwards taunted him with this incident, and, 
though greatly irritated, Santa Anna said there 
was no use trying to kick. 

Puebla resisted not, and the army marched into 
the city of Mexico August 7. The road was ren- 
dered disagreeable by strong fortifications and 
thirty thousand men who were not on good terms 
with Scott. The environments and suburbs one 
after another were taken, and a parley for peace 
ensued, during which the Mexicans were busy 
forUfying some more on the quiet. 

September 8 the Americans made their assault, 
and carried the outworks one by one. Then the 
castle of Chapultepec was stormed. First the 
outer works were scaled, which made them much 
more desirable, and the moat was removed by 
means of a stomach-pump and blotdng-pad, and 
then the escarpment was upended, the Don John 



230 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

tower was knocked silly by a solid shot, and the 
castle capitulated. 

Thus on the 14th of September the old flag 
floated over the court-house of Mexico, and Gen- 
eral Scott ate his tea in the palace of the Mon- 
tezumas. Peace was declared February 2, 1848, 
and the United States owned the vast country 
southward to the Gila (pronounced Heeler) and 
west to the Pacific Ocean. 

The Wilmot Proviso was invented by David 
Wilmot. a poor, struggling member of Congress, 
who moved that in any territory acquired by the 
United States slavery should be prohibited except 
upon the advice of a physician. The motion was 
lost. 

Gold was discovered in the Sacramento X'alley 
in August, 1 848, by a workman who was building 
a mill-race. A struggle ensued over this ground 
as to who should own the race. It threatened to 
terminate in a race war, but was settled amicably. 

In eighteen months one hundred thousand peo- 
ple went to the scene. Thousands left their skel- 
etons with the red brother, and other thousands 
left theirs on the Isthmus of Panama or on the 
cruel desert. Many married men went who had 
been looking a long time for some good place to 
go to. Leaving their wives with ill-concealed 
relief, they started away through a country filled 
with death, to reach a country they knew not of. 



MORE DIFFICULTIES STRAIGHTENED OUT. 23 1 

Some died en route, others were hanged, and still 
others became the heads of new families. Some 
came back and carried water for their wives to 
wash clothing for their neighbors. 

It was a long hard trip then across the plains. 
One of the author's friends at the age of thirteen 
years drove a little band of cows from the State 
of Indiana to Sacramento. He says he would not 
do it again for anything. He is now a man, and 
owns a large prune-orchard in California, and peo- 
ple tell him he is getting too stout, and that he 
ought to exercise more, and that he ought to walk 
every day several miles ; but he shakes his head, 
and says, " No, I will not walk any to-day, and 
possibly not to-morrow or the day following. Do 
not come to me and refer to 
taking a walk : I have tried 




SOME CAME BACK AND CARRIED WATER FOR THEIR WIVES TO WASH CLOTHING. 



232 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

that. Possibly you take me for a dromedary ; 
but you are wrong. I am a fat man, and may 
die suddenly some day while lacing up my shoes, 
but when I go anywhere I ride." 

When he got to Sacramento, where gold was 
said to be so plentiful, he was glad to wash dishes 
for his board, and he went and hired himself out 
to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into 
the fields for to feed swine, and he would fain have 
filled his system with the California peaches which 
the swine did eat, and he began to be in want, and 
no man gave unto him, and if he had spent his 
substance in riotous living, he said, it would have 
been different. 

About thirty years after that he arose and went 
unto his father, and carried his dinner with him, 
also a government bond and a new suit of raiment 
for the old gentleman. 

J do not know what we should learn from this. 



CHAPTER XXIII. 

THE WEBSTERS. 

DANIEL WEBSTER, together with Mr. Clay, 
had much to do with the Compromise 
measures of 1850. These consisted in 
the admission of California as a free State, the 
organizing of the Territories of Utah and New 
Mexico without any provision regarding slavery 
pro or -con, the payment to Texas of one hundred 
million dollars for New Mexico, — which was a 
good trade for Texas, — the prohibition of the 
slave-trade in the District of Columbia, and the 
enactment of a Fugitive Slave Law permitting 
owners of slaves to follow them into the free 
States and take them back in irons, if necessary. 
The officials and farmers of the free States were 
also expected to turn out, call the dog, leave their 
work, and help catch these chattels and carry them 
to the south-bound train. 

Daniel Webster was born in 1783, and Noah in 
1758. Daniel .as educated at Dartmouth Col- 
lege, where he was admitted in j 797. He taught 
school winters and studied summers, as many 
other great meti have done since, until he knew 



234 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



about everything that anybody could. What Dan 
did not know, Noah did. 

Strange to say, Daniel was frightened to death 
when first called upon to speak a piece. He says 
he committed dozens of pieces to memory and 
recited them to the woods and crags and cows 



• III' 




DANIEL WEBSTER COULD NOT STAND UP BEFORE A SCHOOL AND UTTER A WORD. 



and stone abutments of the New England farms, 
but could not stand up before a school and utter 
a word. 

In 1 80 1 he studied law with Thomas W. 
Thompson, afterwards United States Senator. 
He read then for the first time that "Law is a 
rule of action prescribing what is right and pro- 
hibiting what is wrong." 

In 181 2 he was elected to Cjngress, and in 



THE WEBSTERS. 235 

1 8 1 3 made his maiden speech. One of his most 
masterly speeches was made on economical and 
financial subjects ; and yet in order to get his blue 
broadcloth coat with brass buttons from the tailor- 
shop to wear while making the speech, he had to 
borrow twenty-five dollars. 

When the country has wanted a man to talk 
well on these subjects it has generally been com- 
pelled to advance money to him before he could 
make a speech. Sometimes he has to be taken 
from the pawn-shop. Webster, it is said, was the 
most successful lawyer, after he returned to Bos- 
ton, that the State of Massachusetts has ever 
known ; and yet his mail was full of notices from 
banks down East, announcing that he had over- 
drawn his account. 

Once he was hard pressed for means, as he was 
trying to run a farm, and running a farm costs 
money : so he went to a bank to borrow. He 
hated to do it, be ause he had no special induce- 
ments to offer a bank or to make it hilariously 
loan him money. 

" How much did you think you would need, Mr. 
Webster?" asked the President, cutting off some 
coupons as he spoke and making paper dolls of 
them. 

'• W>11, I could get along very well," said Web- 
ster, in that deep, resinous voice of his, "if I 
^ould have two thousand dollars." 



256 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

"Well, you remember," said the banker, "do 
you not, that you have two thousand dollars here, 
that you deposited five years ago, after you had 
dined with the Governor of North Carolina?" 

" No, I had forgotten about that," said Webster. 
"Give me a blank check without unnecessary 
delay." 

We may learn from this that Mr. Webster was 
not a careful man in the matter of detail. 

His speech on the two-hundredth anniversary 
of the landing of the Pilgrims was a good thing, 
and found its way into the press of the time. His 
speech at the laying of the corner-stone of the 
Bunker Hill Monument, and his eulogy of Adams 
and Jefferson, were beautiful and thrilling. 

Daniel Webster had a very large brain, and 
used to loan his hat to brother Senators now and 
then when their heads were paining them, pro- 
vided he did not w^ant it himself 

His reply to Robert Y. Hayi e, of South Caro- 
lina, in 1830, was regarded as one of his ablest 
parliamentary efforts. Hayne attacked New 
England, and first advanced the doctrine of nulli- 
fication, which was even more dangerous than 
secession, — Jefferson Davis in i860 denying that 
he had ever advocated or favored such a doctrine. 

Webster spoke extempore, and people sent out 
for their lunch rather than go away in the midst 
of his remarks. 



THE IVEBSTERS. 



237 



Webster married twice, but did not let that 
make any difference with his duty to his country. 




SENT OUT FOR THEIR LUNCH RATHER THAN GO AWAY IN tylt. MIDST OF HIS 
REMARKS. 



He tried to farm it some, but did tiot amass a 
large sum, owing to his heavy loss^es in trying 



238 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

year after year to grow Saratoga potatoes for the 
Boston market. 

No American, foreign or domestic, ever made 
a ofreater name for himself than Daniel Webster, 
but he was not so good a penman as Noah ; Noah 
was the better pen-writer. 

Noah Webster also had the better command of 
language of the two. Those who have read his 
great work entitled '' Webster's Elementary Spell- 
inof-Book, or. How One Word Led to Another," 
will aeree with me that he was smart. Noah 
never lacked for a word by which to express him- 
self. He was a brainy man and a good speller. 

One by one our eminent men are passing away. 
Mr. Webster has passed away ; Napoleon Bona- 
parte is no more ; and Dr. Mary Walker is fading 
away. This has been a severe winter on Red 
Shirt ; and I have to guard against the night air a 
good deal myself 

It would ill become me. at this late date, to criti- 
cise Mr. Webster's work, a work that is now, I 
may say, in nearK every home and school-room 
in the land. It is a great book. I only hope 
that had Mr. Webster lived he would have been 
equally fair in his criticism of my books. 

I hate to compare my books with Mr. Webster's, 
because it looks egotistical in me ; but, although 
Noah's book is larger than mine, and has more 
literary attractions as a book to set a child on at 



THE WEBSTERS. 



239 



the table, it does not hold the interest of the 
reader all the way through. 

He has introduced too many characters into his 
book at the expense of the plot. It is a good 
book to pick up and while away a leisure hour 
perhaps, but it is not a work that could rivet your 
interest till midnight, while the fire went out and 
the thermometer stepped down to 47° below zero. 
You do not hurry through the pages to see 
whether Reginald married the girl or not. Mr. 
Webster did not seem to care how the affair 
turned out. 

Therein consists the great difference between 
Noah and myself. He doesn't keep up the inter- 
est. A friend of mine at Sing Sing, who secured 
one of my books, said he 
never left his room till he 
had devoured it.1 He said 
he seemed chained to the 
spot ; and if you can't 
believe a convict who is 
entirely out of politics, 
whom, in the name of 
George Washington, can 
you trust? 

Mr. Webster was cer- 
tainly a most brilliant 
writer, though a little ■" 

inclined, perhaps, to be never left his 




ROOM TILL HE HAD DEVOIIRED IT. 



240 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

wordy. I have discovered in some of his later 
books one hundred and eighteen thousand words 
no two of which are alike. This shows great 
fluency and versatiHty, it is true, but we need 
something else. The reader waits in vain to be 
thrilled by the author's wonderful word-painting. 
There is not a thrill in the whole tome. 

I had heard so much of Mr. Webster that when 
I read his book I confess I was disappointed. It 
is cold, methodical, dry, and dispassionate in the 
extreme, and one cannot help comparing it with 
the works of James Fenimore Cooper and Horace. 

As I said, however, it is a good book to pick 
up for the purpose of whiling away an idle hour. 
No one should travel without Mr. Webster's tale. 
Those who examine this tale will readily see why 
there were no flies on the author. He kept them 
ofl" with this tale. 

It is a good book, as I say, to take up for a 
moment, or to read on the train, or to hold the 
door open on a hot day. I would never take a 
long railroad ride without it, eyether. I would as 
soon forget my bottle of cough-medicine. 

Mr. Webster's Speller had an immense sale. 
1 en years ago he had sold forty million copies. 
And yet it had this same defect. It was cold, 
dull, disconnected, and verbose. There was only 
one good thing in the book, and that was a little 
literary gem regarding a boy who broke in and 



THE WE ESTERS. 24 1 

Stole the apples of a total stranger. The story- 
was so good that I have often wondered whom 
Mr. Webster got to write it for nim. 

The old man, it seems, at first told the boy that 
he had better come down, as there was a draught 
in the tree ; but the young sass-box — apple-sass- 
box, I presume — told him to avaunt. 

At last the old man said, " Come down, honey. 
I am afraid the limb will break if you don't." 
Then, as the boy still remained, he told him that 
those were not eating-apples, that they were just 
common cooking-apples, and that there were 
worms in them. But the boy said he didn't mind 
a little thing like that. So then the old gentleman 
got irritated, and called the dog, and threw turf at 
the boy, and at last saluted him with pieces of turf 
and decayed cabbages ; and after the lad had gone 
away the old man pried the bull-dog's jaws open 
and found a mouthful of pantaloons and a freckle. 

I do not tell this, of course, in Mr. Webster's 
language, but I give the main points as they recur 
now to my mind. 

Though I have been a close student of Mr. 
Webster for years and have carefully examinee? 
his style, I am free to say that his ideas abou\ 
writing a book are not the same as mine. Of 
course it is a great temptation for a young author 
to write a book that will have a large sale ; but 
that shoukl not be all. We should have a higher 



242 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

object than that, and strive to interest those who 
read the book. It should not be jerky and scat- 
tering in its statements. 

I do not wish to do an injustice to a great man 
who is now no more, a man who did so much for 
the world and who could spell the longest word 
without hesitation, but I speak of these things just 
as I would expect others to criticise my work. If 
one aspire to be a member of the literati of his 
day, he must expect to be criticised. I have been 
criticised myself. When I was in public life, — as 
a justice of the peace in the Rocky Mountains, — 
a man came in one day and criticised me so that I 
did not get over it for two weeks. 

I might add, though I dislike to speak of it now, 
that Mr. Webster was at one time a member of 
the Legislature of Massachusetts. I believe that 
was the only time he ever stepped aside from the 
strait and narrow way. A good many people do 
not know this, but it is true. 

Mr. Webster was also a married man, yet he 
never murmured or repined. 



CHAPTER XXIV. 

BEFO' THE WAH CAUSES WHICH I.ED TO IT MAS- 
TERLY GRASP OF THE SUBJECT SHOWN BY THE 
AUTHOR. 

A MAN named Lopez in 1851 attempted to 
annex Cuba, thus furnishing for our Re- 
publican wrapper a genuine Havana filler ; 
but he failed, and was executed, while his plans 
were not. 

Franklin Pierce was elected President on the 
Democratic ticket, running against General .Scott, 
the Whig candidate. Slavery began to be dis- 
cussed again, when Stephen A. Douglas, in Con- 
gress, advocated squatter sovereignty, or the right 
for each Territory to decide whether it would be a 
free or a slave State. The measure became a law 
in 1854. 

That was what made trouble in Kansas. The 
two elements, free and slave, were arrayed against 
each other, and for several years friends from 
other States had to come over and help Kansas 
bury its dead. The condition of things for some 
time was exceedingly mortifying to the citizen who 
went out to milk after dark without his ofun. 

Hi 



244 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Trouble with Mexico arose, owing to the fact 
that the government had used a poor and unreli- 
able map in establishing the line : so General 
Gadsden made a settlement for the disputed 
ground, and we paid Mexico ten millions of dol- 
lars. It is needless to say that we have since 
seen the day when we wished that we had it back. 




EXCEKDINGLV MOBTIFYING TO THE CITIZEN WHO WFNT TO MILK WITHOUT HIS GUN, 



Two ports of entry were now opened to us in 
Japan by Commodore Perry's Expedition, and 
cups and saucers began to be more plentiful in 
this country, many of the wealthier deciding at 
that time not to cool tea in the saucer or drink it 
vociferously from that vessel. This custom and 
the Whig party passed away at the same time. 

The Republican or Anti-Slavery party nomi- 
nated for President John C. Fremont, who re- 



BEFG THE WAH. 245 

ceived the vote of eleven States, but James 
Buchanan was elected, and proved to the satis- 
faction of the world that there is nothing to 
prevent any unemployed man's applying for the 
Presidency of the United States ; also that if his 
life has been free from ideas and opinions he may 
be elected sometimes where one who has been 
caught in the very act -of thinking, and had it 
proved on him, might be defeated. 

Chief- fustice Taney now stated that slaves could 
be taken into any State of the Union by their 
owners without forfeiting the rights of ownership. 
This was called the Dred Scott decision, and did 
much to irritate Abolitionists like John Brown, 
whose soul as this book goes to press is said to 
be marching on. Brown was a Kansas man with 
a mission and massive whiskers. He would be 
called now a crank ; but his action in seizing a 
United States arsenal at Harper's Ferry and de- 
claring the slaves free was regarded by the South as 
thoroughly representative of the Northern feeling. 

The country now began to be in a state of rest- 
lessness. Brown had been captured and hanged 
as a traitor. Northern men were obliged to leave 
their work every little while to catch a negro, 
crate him, and return him to his master or give 
him a lift towards Canada ; and, as the negro Avai 
replenishing the earth at an astonishing rate, 
general alarm broke out. 



34^ 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



Douglas was the champion of squatter sover- 
eignty, John C. Breckinridge cf the doctrine that 
slaves could be checked through as personal bag- 
gage into any State of the Union, 
and Lincoln of the anti-slavery prin 
ciple which after- 
wards constituted 
the spinal column 
of the Federal 
Govern- 
ment as 
opposed 

^^ Confed 
eracyof 
the se- 
ceded States, 

Lincoln was 

elected, which re- 

ininded him 

^ >-v^ ^f ^" anec- 

^V J dote. Douglas 

^^•v-v ^^^^^ y o and several other 

*' '^ ^^ %>. -^ ^^' candidates were 

defeated, which 

did not remind 

them of anything. 

South Carolina seceded in December, i860, and 

soon after Mississippi. Florida, Alabama, Georgia, 

Louisiana, and Texas followed suit. 




OILIGID rO UAVB THEIR WORK EVERY LITTLE 
TVHILB TO CATCH A NBCRO. 



BEFa THE WAH. 247 

The following February the Confederacy was 
organized at Montgomery, Alabama, and Jefferson 
Davis was elected President. Long and patient 
effort on the part of the historian to ascertain how 
he liked it has been entirely barren of results. 
Alexander H. Stephens was made Vice-President. 

Everything belonging to the United States and 
not thoroughly fastened down was carried away 
by the Confederacy, while President Buchanan 
looked the other way or wrote airy persiflage to 
tottering dynasties which slyly among themselves 
characterized him as a neat and cleanly old lady. 

Had Buchanan been a married man it is gener- 
ally believed now that his wife would have pre- 
vented the war. Then she would have called 
James out from under the bed and allowed him to 
come to the table for his meals with the family. 
But he was not married, and the war came on. 

Major Anderson was afraid to remain at Fort 
Moultrie in Charleston Harbor, so crossed over 
to Fort Sumter. The South regarded this as 
hostility, and the fort was watched to see if any 
one should attempt to divide his lunch with the 
garrison, which it was declared would be regarded 
as an act of defiance. The reader will see by 
this that a deaf and dumb asylum in No,rthern 
Michigan was about the only safe place for a 
peaceable man at that time. 

President Lincoln found himself placed at the 



248 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

head of a looted government on the sharp edge 
of a crisis that had not been properly upholstered. 
The Buchanan cabinet had left little except a 
burglar's tool or two here and there to mark its 
operations, and, with the aged and infirm General 
Scott at the head of a little army, and no encour- 
agement except from the Abolitionists, many of 
whom had never seen a colored man outside of a 
minstrel performance, the President stole incog, 
into Washington, like a man who had agreed to 
lecture there. 

Southern officers resigned daily from the army 
and navy to go home and join the fortunes of 
their several States. Meantime, the Federal gov- 
ernment moved about like a baby elephant loaded 
with shot, while the new Confederacy got men, 
money, arms, and munitions of war from every 
conceivable point. 

Finding that supplies were to be sent to Major 
Anderson, General Peter G. T. Beauregard sum- 
moned Major Anderson to surrender. General 
Beauregard, after the war, became one of the 
good, kind gentlemen who annually stated over 
their signatures that they had examined the 
Louisiana State Lottery and that there was no 
deception about it. The Lottery felt grateful for 
this, and said that the general should never want 
while it had a roof of its own. 

Major Anderson had seventy men, w'. ile General 



BEFO THE WAH. 249 

Beauregard had seven thousand. After a bom- 
bardment and a general fight of thirty-four hours, 
the starved and suffocated garrison yielded to 
overwhelming numbers. 

President Lincoln was not admired by a class 
of people in the North and South who heard with 
horror that he had at one time worked for ten 
dollars a month. They thought the President's 
salary too much for him, and feared that he would 
buy watermelons with it. They also feared that 
some day he might tell a funny story in the pres- 
ence of Queen Victoria. The snobocracy could 
hardly sleep nights for fear that Lincoln at a state 
dinner might put sugar and cream in his cold 
consomme. 

Jefferson Davis, it was said, knew more of eti- 
quette in a minute than Lincoln knew all his life. 

The captur" of Sumter united the North and 
unified the South. It made "war Democrats" — 
i.e.y Democrats who had voted against Lincoln — 
join him in the prosecution of the war. More 
United States property was cheerfully appro- 
priated by the Confederacy, which showed that it 
was alive and kicking from the very first minute 
It was born. 

Confederate troops were sent into Virginia and 
threatened the Capitol at Washington, and would 
have taken it if the cit}^ had not, in summer, been 
regarded as unhealthful. 



250 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

The Sixth Massachusetts Regiment, hurrying to 
the capital, was attacked in Baltimore and several 
men were killed. This was the first actual blood- 
shed in the civil war which caused rivers and lakes 
and torrents of the best blood of North and South 
to cover the fair, sweet clover fields and blue-grass 
meadows made alone for peace. 

The general opinion of the author, thirty-five 
years afterwards, is that the war was as unavoidable 
as the deluge, and as idiotic in its incipiency as 
Adam's justly celebrated defence in the great 

Apple Sass Case." 

Men will fight until it is educated out of them, 
just as they will no doubt retain rudimentary tails 
and live in trees till they know better. It's all 
owing to how a man was brought up. 

Of course after we have been drawn into the 
fight and been fined and sent home, we like to 
maintain that we were fighting for our home, or 
liberty, or the flag, or something of the kind. We 
hate to admit that, as a nation, we fought and paid 
for it afterwards with our family's bread-money 
just because we were irritated. That's natural ; 
but most great wars are arranged by people who 
stay at home and sell groceries to the widow and 
orphan and old maids at one hundred per cent, 
advance. 

x\rlington Heights and Alexandria were now 
seized and occupied by the Union troops for the 



BEFO' THE WAN. 25 1 

protection of Washington, and mosquito-Mircs 
were put up in the Capitol windows to keep the 
largest of the rebels from coming in and biting 
Congress. 

Fort Monroe was garrisoned by a force under 
General Benjamin F. Butler, and an expedition 
was sent out against Big Bethel. On the way the 
Federal troops fired into each other, which pleased 
the Confederates very much indeed. The Union 
troops were repulsed with loss, and went back to' 
the fort, where they stated that they were disap- 
pointed in the war. 

West Virginia was strongly for the Union in 
sentiment, and was set off from the original State 
of Virginia, and. after some fighting the first year 
of the war over its territory, came into line with 
the Northern States. The fighting here was not 
severe. Generals McClellan and Rosecrans 
(Union) and Lee (Confederate) were the prin- 
cipal commanders. 

The first year of the war was largely spent in 
sparring for wind, as one very able authority has it. 

In the next chapter reference will be made to 
the battle of Bull Run, and the odium will be 
placed where it belongs. The author reluctantly 
closes this chapter in order to go out and get 
some odium for that purpose. 



CHAPTER XXV. 

BULL RUN AND OTHER BAITLES. 

ON the 2 1 St of July, 1861, occurred the battle 
of Bull Run, under the joint management 
of General Irwin McDowell and General 
P. G. T. Beauregard. After a sharp conflict, the 
Confederates were repulsed, but rallied again under 
General T. J. Jackson, called thereafter Stonewall 
Jackson. While the Federals were striving to 
beat Jackson back, troops under Generals Early 
and Kirby Smith from Manassas Junction were 
hurled against their flank. =•■ McDowell's men re- 
treated, and as they reached the bridge a shell 
burst among their crowded and chaotic numbers. 
A caisson was upset, and a panic ensued, many 
of the troops continuing at a swift canter till they 
reached the Capitol, where they could call on the 
sergeant-at-arms to preserve order. 

As a result of this run on the banks of the 
Potomac, the North suddenly decided that the 
war might last a week or two longer than at first 

* ^Vhile the Union forces did not succeed in beating Stonewall Jackson 
back, in returning to Washington they succeeded in beating everj'body else 
back. (See Appendix.) 
252 



BULL RUN AND OTHER BATTLES. 253 

Stated, that the foe could not be killed with corn- 
stalks, and that a mistake had been made in 
judging that the rebellion wasn't loaded.* Half a 
million men were called for and five hundred mil- 
lion dollars voted. General George B. McClellan 
took command of the Army of the Potomac. 

The battle of Ball's Bluff resulted disastrously 
to the Union forces, and two thousand men were 
mostly driven into the Potomac, some drowned 
and others shot. Colonel Baker, United States 
Senator from Oregon, was killed. 

The war in Missouri now opened. Captain 
Lyon reserved the United States arsenal at St. 
Louis, and defeated Colonel Marmaduke at Boone- 
ville. General bigel was defeated at Carthage, 
July 5, by the Confederates : so Lyon, with five 
thousand men, decided to attack more than twice 
that number of the enemy under Price and McCul- 
loch, which he did, August 10, at Wilson's Creek. 
He was killed while making a charge, and his men 
were defeated. 

General Fremont then took command, and 
drove Price to Springfield, but he was in a short 
time replaced by General Hunter, because his war 



* The odium to be cast on the person upon whom it should fall for the 
sickening defeat at Bull Run was found to be in such wretched conuition 
at the time these lines were written that it was decided to go on witb'^"* 
casting it. The writer points with pride to the fact that in writing tfe~ 
history fifteen cents' worth of odium will cover the entire amount use& 

32 



254 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

policy was offensive to the enemy. Hunter was 
soon afterwards removed, and Major-Gencral Hal- 
leck took his place. Halleck gave general satis- 
faction to the enemy, and even his red messages 
from Washington, where he boarded during the 
war, were filled with nothing but kindness for the 
misguided foe. 

Davis early in the war commissioned privateers, 
and Lincoln blockaded the Southern ports. The 
North had but one good vessel at the time, and 
those who have tried to blockade four or five 
thousand miles of hostile coast with one vessel 
know full well what it is to be busy. The entire 
navy consisted of forty-two ships, and some of 
these were not seaworthy. Some of them were 
so pervious that their guns had to be tied on to 
keep them from leaking through the cracks of the 
vessel. 

Hatteras Inlet was captured, and Commodore 
Dupont, aided by General Thomas W. Sherman, 
captured Port Royal Entrance and Tybee Island. 
Port Royal became the depot for the fleet. 

It was now decided at the South to send Messrs. 
Mason and Slidell to England, partly for change 
of scene and rest, and partly to make a friendly 
pall on Queen Victoria and invite her to come and 
spend the season at Asheville, North Carolina. It 
was also hoped that she would give a few readings 
from her own works at the Soutlu while her retinue 



BULL RUN AND OTHER BATTLES. 



255 



could go to the front and have fun with the 
Yankees, if so disposed. 

These gentlemen, wearing their nice new broad- 
cloth clothes, and with a court suit and suitable 




HOPED 8HK WOULD r.IVB A FEW RBADINCS FROM HER OWN WORKS. 



night-wear to use in case they should be pressed 
to stop a week or two at the castle, got to Havana 
safely, and took passage on the British ship Trent ; 
but Captain Wilkes, of the United States steamer 
San Jacinto, took them off the Trent, just as Mr. 
Mason had drawn and fortunately filled a hand 



256 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

•with which he hoped to pay a part of the war-debt 
of the South and get a new overcoat in L«^ndon, 
later, however, the United States disavowed this 
act of Captain Wilkes, and said it was only a bit 
of pleasantry on his part. 

The first year of the war had taught both sides 
a few truths, and especially that the war did not 
in any essential features resemble a straw-ride te 
camp-meeting and return. The South had also 
discovered that the Yankee peddlers could not be 
captured with fly-paper, and that although war was 
not their regular job they were willing to learn how 
it was done. 

In 1862 the national army numbered five hun- 
dred thousand men, and the Confederfite army 
three hundred and fifty thousand. Three objects 
were decided upon by the Federal government 
for the Union army and navy to accomplish, — viz., 
I, the opening of the Mississippi ; 2, the blockade 
of Southern ports ; and 3, the capture of Rich- 
mond, the capital of the Southern Confederacy. 

The capture of Forts Henry and Donelson was 
undertaken by General Grant, aided by Commo- 
dore Foote, and on February 6 a bombardment 
was opened with great success, reducing Fort 
Henry in one hour. The garrison got away 1& 
cause the land-forces had no idea the fort wouW 
yield so soon, and therefore could not get up there* 
in time to cut off the retreat. 



BULL RUN AND OTHER BATTLES. 257 

Fort Donelson was next attacked, the gairison 
having been reinforced by the men from Fort 
Henry. The fight lasted four days, and on Feb- 
ruary 16 the fort, with fifteen thousand men, 
surrendered. 

Nashville was now easily occupied by Buell, and 
Columbus and Bowling Green were taken. The 
Confederates fell back to Corinth, where General 
Beauregard (Peter G. T.) and Albert Sidney 
Johnston massed their forces. 

General Grant now captured the Memphis and 
Charleston Railroad ; but the Confederates de- 
cided to capture him before Buell, who had been 
ordered to reinforce him, should effect a junction 
with him. April 6 and 7, therefore, the battle of 
Shiloh occurred. Whether the Union troops were 
surprised or not at this battle, we cannot here 
pause to discuss. Suffice it to say that one of the 
Federal officers admitted to the author in 1879, 
while under the influence of koumys, that, though 
not strictly surprised, he believed he violated no 
confidence in saying that they were somewhat 
astonished. 

It was Sunday morning, and the Northern hordes 
were just considering whether they would take a 
bite of beans and go to church or remain in camp 
and get their laundry- work counted for Monday, 
when the Confederacy and some other men burst 
upon them with a fierce, rude yell. In a few 

r 22* 



258 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



moments the Federal troops had decided that 
there had sprung up a strong personal enmity on 
the part of the South, and that ill feeling had 
been engendered in some way. 

All that beautiful Sabbath-day they fought, the 
Federals yielding ground slowly and reluctantly 
till the bank of the river was reached and Grant's 




SOME OTHER MEN BURST UPON THEM WITH A FIEKCE, RUDE YELL. 



artillery commanded the position. Here a stand 
was made until Buell came up, and shortly after- 
wards the Confederates fell back ; 1)ut they had 
captured the Yankee camp entire, and many a boy 
in blue lost the nice warm woollen pulse-warmers 
crocheted for him by his soul's idol. It is said that 
over thirty-five hundred needle-books and three 
thousand men were captured by the Confederatea 



BULL RUN AND OTHER BATTLES. 259 

also thirty flags and immense quantities of stores ; 
but the Confederate commander, General A. S. 
Johnston, was killed. The following morning the 
tide had turned, and General P. G. T. Beauregard 
retreated unmolested to Corinth. 

General Halleck now took command, and. as 
the Confederates went away from there, he oc- 
cupied Corinth, though still retaining his rooms 
at the Arlington Hotel in Washington. 

The Confederates who retreated from Columbus 
fell back to Island No. 10 in the Mississippi River, 
where Commodore Foote bombarded them for 
three weeks, thus purifying the air and making 
the enemy feel much better than at any previous 
time during the campaign. General Pope crossed 
the Mississippi, capturing the batteries in the rear 
of the island, and turning them on the enemy, 
who surrendered April 7. the day of the battle of 
.Shiloh. 

May 10. the Union gun-boats moved down the 
river. Fort Pillow was abandoned by the Southern 
forces, and the Confederate flotilla was destroyed 
in front of Memphis. Kentucky and Tennessee 
were at last the property of the fierce hordes from 
the great coarse North. 

General Bragg was now at Chattanooga. Price 
at luka, and Van Dorn at Holly Springs. All 
these generals had guns, and were at enmity 
with the United States of America. They very 



26o HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

much desired to break the Union line of investment 
extending from Memphis almost to Chattanooga. 

Bragg started out for the Ohio River, intending 
to cross it and capture the Middle States ; but 
Buell heard of it and got there twenty-four hours 
ahead, wherefore Bragg abandoned his plans, as 
it flashed over him like a clap of thunder from a 
clear sky that he had no place to put the Middle 
States if he had them. He therefore escaped in 
the darkness, his wagon-trains sort of drawling 
over forty miles of road and "hit a-rainin'," 

September 19, General Price, who, with Van 
Dorn, had considered it a good time to attack 
Grant, who had sent many troops north to prevent 
Bnigg's capture of North America, decided to 
retieat, and, General Rosecrans failing to cut him 
off, escaped, and was thus enabled to fight on 
other occasions. 

The two Confederate generals now decided to 
attack the Union forces at Corinth, which they did. 
They fought beautifully, especially the Texan and 
Missouri troops, who did some heroic work, but 
they were defeated and driven forty miles with 
heavy loss. 

October 30, General Buell was succeeded by 
General Rosecrans. 

The battle of Murfreesboro occurred December 
31 and January 2. It was one of the bloodiest 
battles of the whole conflict, and must have made 



BULL RUN AND OTHER BATTLES. 26 1 

the men who brought on the war by act of Con- 
gress feel first-rate. About one-fourth of those 
engaged were killed. 

An attack on Vicksburg, in which Grant and 
Sherman were to co-operate, the former moving 
along the Mississippi Central Railroad and Sher- 
man descending the river from Memphis, was 
disastrous, and the capture of Arkansas Post, 
January 11, 1863, closed the campaign of 1862 
on the Father of Waters. 

General Price was driven out of Missouri by 
General Curtis, and had to stay in Arkansas quite 
a while, though he preferred a dryer climate. 

General Van Dorn now took command of these 
forces, numbering twenty thousand men, and at 
Pea Ridge, March 7 and 8, 1863, he was defeated 
to a remarkable degree. Dialing his retreat he 
could hardly restrain his impatience. 

Some four or five thousand Indians joined the 
Confederates in this battle, but were so astonished 
at the cannon, and so shocked by the large de- 
cayed balls, as they called the shells, which came 
hurtling through the air, now and then hurting an 
Indian severely, that they went home before the 
exercises were more than half through. They 
were down on the programme for some fantastic 
and interesting tortures of Union prisoners, but 
when they got home to the reservation and had 
picked the briers out of themselves they said that 



262 



ITIsrORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



war was about as barbarous a thing as they were 
ever to, and they went to bed early, ^e^vif^g a call 
for 9.30 A.M. on the following day. 




WENT HOME BEFORE THE BXEKCISBS WERE MORE THAN HALF THROUGH. 



The red brother's style of warfare has an air 
About it that is unpopular now. A common stone 
stab-knife is a feeble thing to use against people 
who shoot a distance of eight miles with a gun 
that carries a forty-gallon caldron full of red-hot 
iron. 



CHAPTER XXVI. 

SOME MORE FRATRICIDAl. STRIFE. 

THE effort to open the Mississippi from the 
north was seconded by an expedition from 
the south, in which Captain David G. Far- 
ragut, commandini^ a fleet of forty vessels, co- 
operated with General Benjamin ¥. Butler, with 
the capture of New Orleans as the object. 

Mortar-boats covered with green branches for 
the purpose of fooling the enemy, as no one could 
tell at any distance at all whether these were or 
were not olive-branches, steamed up the river and 
bombarded Forts Jackson and St. Philip till the 
stunned catfish rose to the surface of the water to 
inquire, "Why all this?" and turned their pallid 
stomachs toward the soft Southern zenith. Six- 
teen thousand eight hundred shells were thrown 
into the two forts, but that did not capture New 
Orleans. 

Farragut now decided to run his fleet past the 
defences, and, desperate as the chances were, he 
started on April 24. A big cable stretched across 
the river suggested the idea that there w as a hos- 
tile feeling among the New Orleans people. Five 

26.5 



264 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

rafts and armed steamers met him, and the iron- 
plated ram Manassas extended to him a cordial 
welcome to a wide wet grave with a southern 
exposure. 

Farragut cut through the cable about three 
o'clock in the morning, practically destroyed the 
Confederate fleet, and steamed up to the city, 
which was at his mercy. 

The forts, now threatened in the rear by Butler's 
army, surrendered, and Farragut went up to Baton 
Rouge and took possession of it. General Butler's 
occupation at New Orleans has been variously 
commented upon by both friend and foe, but we 
are only able to learn from this and the entire 
record of the war, in fact, that it is better to avoid 
hostilities unless one is ready to accept the un- 
pleasant features of combat. The author, when 
a boy, learned this after he had acquired the un- 
pleasant features resulting from combat which the 
artist has cleverly shown on opposite page. 

General Butler said he found it almost impos- 
sible to avoid giving offence to the foe, and finally 
he gave it up in despair. 

The French are said to be the politest people 
on the face of the earth, but no German will admit 
it ; and though the Germans are known to have 
big, warm, hospitable hearts, since the Franco- 
Prussian war you couldn't get a Frenchman to 
admit this. 



SOME MORE FRATRICIDAL STRIFE. 



265 




/n February Burnside 
captured Roanoke Island, 
and the coast of North 
Carolina fell into the 
hands of the Union 
army. Port Royal 
became the base of op- 
erations against Florida, 
and at the close of the 
year 1862 every city on 
the Atlantic coast ex- 
cept Charleston, Wil- 
mington, and Savannah was held b} 
Union army. 

The Merrimac iron-clad, which 
had made much trouble for the 
Union shipping for some time, steamed into 
Hampton Roads on the 8th of March. Hamp- 
ton Roads is not the Champs-Elysees of the 
South, but a long wet stretch of track east of 
Virginia, — the Midway Plaisance of the Salted 
Sea. The Merrimac steered for the Cumberland, 
rammed her, and the Cumberland sunk like a 
stove-lid, with all on board. The captain of the 
Congress, warned by the fate of the Cumberland, 
ran his vessel on shore and tried to conceal her 
behind the tall grass, but the Merrimac followed 
and shelled her till she surrendered. 

The Merrimac then went back to Norfolk, 
M 43 



UNPLEASANT FEATURES RESULTINO 
FROM COMBAT. 



266 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

where she boarded, night having come on apace. 
In the morning- she aimed to clear out the balance 
of the Union fleet. That night, however, the 
Monitor, a flat little craft with a revolving tower, 
invented by Captain Ericsson, arrived, and in the 
morning when the Merrimac started in on her day's 
work of devastation, beginning with the Minne- 
sota, the insignificant-looking Monitor slid up to 
the iron monster and gave her two one-hundred- 
and-sixty-six-and-three-quarter-pound solid shot. 

The Merrimac replied with a style of broadside 
that generally sunk her adversary, but the balls 
rolled off the low flat deck and fell with a solemn 
plunk in the moaning sea, or broke in fragments 
and lay on the forward deck like the shells of 
antique eggs on the floor of the House of Parlia- 
ment after a Home Rule argument. 

Five times the Merrimac tried to ram the little 
spitz-pup of the navy, but her huge iron beak rode 
up over the slippery deck of the enemy, and when 
the big vessel looked over her sides to see its 
wreck, she discovered that the Monitor was right 
side up and ready for more. 

The Confederate vessel gave it up at last, and 
went back to Norfolk defeated, her career sud- 
denly closed by the timely genius of the able 
Scandinavian. 

The Peninsular campaign was principally ad- 
dressed toward the capture of Richmond, One 



SOME MORE FRATRICIDAL STRIFE. 267 

hundred thousand men were massed at Fort 
Monroe April 4, and marched slowly toward 
Yorktown, where five thousand Confederates 
under General Magruder stopped the great army 
under McClellan. 

After a month's siege, and just as McClellan 
was about to shoot at the town, the garrison took 
its valise and went away. 

On the 5th of May occurred the battle of Wil- 
liamsburg, between the forces under " Fighting 
Joe"' Hooker and General Johnston. It lasted 
nine hours, and ended in the routing of the Con- 
federates and their pursuit by Hooker to within 
seven miles of Richmond. This caused the ad- 
journment of the Confederate Congress. 

But Johnston prevented the junction of Mc- 
Dowell and McClellan after the capture of 
Hanover Court-House, and Stonewall Jackson, 
reinforced by Ewell, scared the Union forces al- 
most to death. They crossed the Potomac, having 
marched thirty-five miles per day. Washington 
was getting too hot now to hold people who could 
get away. 

It was hard to say which capital had been scared 
the worst. 

The Governors of the Northern States were 
asked to send militia to defend the capital, and 
the front door of the White House was locked 
every night after ten o'clock. 



268 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

But finally the Union generals, instead of call- 
ing for more troops, got after General Jackson, 
and he fled from the Shenandoah Valley, burning 
the bridges behind him. It is said that as he and 
his staff were about to cross their last bridge they 
saw a mounted gun on the opposite side, manned 
by a Union artilleryman. Jackson rode up and in 
clarion tones called out, " Who told you to put 
that gun there, sir ? Bring it over here, sir, and 
mount it, and report at head-quarters this evening, 
sir !" The artilleryman unlimbered the gun, and 
while he was placing it General Jackson and staff 
crossed over and joined the army. 

One cannot be too careful, during a war, in the 
matter of obedience to orders. We should always 
know as nearly as possible whether our orders 
come from the proper authority or not. 

No one can help admiring this dashing officer's 
tour in the Shenandoah Valley, where he kept 
three major-generals and sixty thousand troops 
awake nights with fifteen thousand men, saved 
Richmond, scared Washington into fits, and pre- 
vented the union of McClellan's and McDowell's 
forces. Had there been more such men, and a 
little more confidence in the great volume of typo- 
graphical errors called Confederate money, the 
lovely character who pens these lines might have 
had a different tale to tell. 

May 31 and June i occurred the battle of Fair 



SOME MORE FRATRICIDAL STRIFE. 26g 

Oaks, where McClellan's men flounderino in the 
mud of the Chickahominy swamps were pounced 
upon by General Johnston, who was wounded the 
first day. On the following day, as a result of 
this accident, Johnston's men were repulsed in 
disorder. 

General Robert E. Lee, who was now in com- 
mand of the Confederate forces, desired to make 
his army even more offensive than it had been, 
and on June 12 General Stuart led off with his 
cavalry, made the entire circuit of the Union army, 
saw how it looked from behind, and returned to 
Richmond, much improved in health, having had 
several meals of victuals while absent. 

Hooker now marched to where he could see the 
dome of the court-house at Richmond, but just 
then McClellan heard that Jackson had been seen 
in the neighborhood of Hanover Court-House, 
and so decided to change his base. General 
McClellan was a man of great refinement, and 
would never use the same base over a week at a 
time. 

He had hardly got the base changed when Lee 

fell upon his flank at Mechanicsville, June 26, and 

the Seven Days' battle followed. The Union 

troops fought and fell back, fought and fell back, 

until Malvern Hill was reached, where, worn with 

marching, choked with dust, and broken down by 

the heat, to which they were unaccustomed, they 

23* 



2/0 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

made their last stand, July i. Here Lee got such 
a reception that he did not insist on going any 
farther. 

But the Union army was cooped up on the 
James River. The siege of Richmond had been 
abandoned, and the North felt blue and discour- 
aged. Three hundred thousand more men were 
called for, and it seemed that, as in the South, 
"the cradle and the orrave were to be robbed" 
for more troops. 

Lee now decided to take Washington and 
butcher Congress to make a Roman holiday. 
General Pope met the Confederates August 26, 
and while Lee and Jackson were separated could 
have whipped the latter had the Army of the 
Potomac reinforced him as it should, but, full of 
malaria and foot-sore with marching, it did not 
reach him in time, and Pope had to fight the entire 
Confederate army on that historic ground covered 
with so many unpleasant memories and other 
things, called Bull Run. 

For the second time the worn and wilted Union 
army was glad to get back to Washington, where 
the President was, and where beer was only five 
cents per glass. 

Oh, how sad everything seemed at that time to 
the North, and how hio-h cotton cloth was ! The 
bride who hastily married her dear one and bade 
him good-by as the bugle called him to the war, 



SOME MORE ERA TRICIDAL STRIFE. 



271 



pointed with pride to her cotton clothes as a mark 
of weahh ; and the middle classes were only too 
glad to have a little cotton mixed with their woollen 
clothes. 




WHERE BEER WAS ONLY FIVE CENTS PHK GLASS. 



Lee invaded Maryland, and McClellan, restored 
to command of the Army of the Potomac, followed 
him, and found a copy of his order of march, which 
revealed the fact that only a portion of the army 
was before him. So, overtaking- the Confederates 
at South Mountain, he was ready for a victory, 



2/2 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 




but waited one day ; and in the 
mountains Lee got his troops 
united again, while Jack- 
son also returned. The 
Union troops had over 
eighty thousand In their 
ranks, and nothing could 
liave been more thought- 
ful or genteel than to 
wait for the Confederates 
to get as many together 
as possible, otherwise the 
battle might have been 
brief and unsatisfactory 
to the tax-payer or news- 
paper subscriber, who of 
course wants his money's worth when he pays for 
a battle. 

The battle of Antietam was a very fierce one, 
and undecisive, yet it saved Washington from an 
invasion by the Confederates, who would have 
done a good deal of trading there, no doubt, en- 
tirely on credit, thus injuring business very much 
and loading down Washington merchants with 
book accounts, which, added to what they had 
charged already to members of Congress, would 
have made times in Washington extremely dull. 

General McClellan, having impressed the coun 
try with the idea that he was a good bridp-^- 



WANTS HIS MONEY S WORTH WHEN HE FAYS FOR 
A BATTLE. 



SOME MORE FRATRICIDAL STRIFE. 



273 



builder, but a little too dilatory in the matter of 
carnage, was succeeded by General Burnside. 

President Lincoln had written the Proclamation 
of Emancipation to the slaves in July, but waited 
for a victory before publishing it. Bull Run as a 
victory was not up to his standard ; so when Lee 
was driven from Maryland the document was 
issued by which all slaves in the United States 
became free ; and, although thirty-one years have 
passed at this writing, they are still dropping in 
occasionally from the back districts to inquire 
about the truth of the report. 




STILL DROPPING IN OCCASIONALLY PROM THE BACK DISTRICTS. 



CHAPTER XXVII. 

STILL MORE FRATERNAL BLOODSHED, ON PRINCIPLE. 

OUTING FEATURES DISAPPEAR, AND GIVE PLACE 

TO STRAINED RELATIONS BETWEEN COMBATANTS, 
WHO BEGIN TO MIX THINGS. 

ON December 13 the year's business closed 
with the battle of Fredericksburg, under 
the management of General Burnside. 
Twelve thousand Union troops were killed before 
night mercifully shut down upon the slaughter. 

The Confederates were protected by stone walls 
and situated upon a commanding height, from 
which they were able to shoot down the Yankees 
with perfect sang-froid and deliberation. 

In the midst of all these discouragements, the 
red brother fetched loose in Minnesota, Iowa, 
and Dakota, and massacred seven hundred men, 
women, and children. The outbreak was under 
the management of Little Crow, and was confined 
to the Sioux Nation. Thirty-nine of these Indians 
were hanged on the same scaffold at Mankato, 
Minnesota, as a result of this wholesale murder. 

This execution constitutes one of the oreen 
spots in the author's memory. In all lives now 

*74 



STILL MORE FRATERNAL BLOODSHED. 275 

and then an oasis is liable to fall. This was oasis 
enough to last the writer for years. 

In 1863 the Federal army numbered about 
seven hundred thousand men, and the Confed- 
erates about three hundred and fifty thousand. 
Still it took two more years to close the war. 

It is held now by good judges that the war was 
prolonged by the jealousy existing between Union 
commanders who wanted to be President or some- 
thing else, and that it took so much time for the 
generals to keep their eyes on caucuses and 
county papers at home that they fought best when 
surprised and attacked by the foe. 

General Grant moved again on \''icksburg. and 
on May i. defeated Pemberton at Fort Gibson. 
He also prevented a junction between Joseph E. 
Johnston and Pemberton. and drove the latter into 
Vicksburg, securing the stopper so tightly that 
after forty-seven days the garrison surrendered, 
July 4. This fight cost the Confederates thirty- 
seven thousand prisoners, ten thousand killed and 
wounded, and immense quantities of stores. It 
was a warm time in Vicksburg ; a curious man 
who stuck his hat out for twenty seconds abo\'e 
the ramparts found fifteen bullet-holes in it 
when he took it down, and when he wore it 
to church he attracted more attention than the 
collection. 

The North now began to sit up and take notice. 



2/6 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



Morning papers began to sell once more, and 
Grant was the name on every tongue. 

The Mississippi was open to the Gulf, and the 
Confederacy was practically surrounded. 

Rosecrans would have moved on the enemy, 
but learned that the foe had several head of 




ATTRACTED MORE ATTENTION THAN THE COLLECTION. 



cavalry more than he did, also a team of artillery. 
At this time John Morgan made a raid into Ohio. 
He surrounded Cincinnati, but did not take it. as 
he was not keeping house at the time and hated 
to pay storage on it. He got to Parkersburg, 
West Virginia, and was captured there with 
almost his entire force. 



STILL MORE FRATERNAL BLOODSHED. 277 

On September 19 and 20 occurred the battle of 
Chickamauga. Longstreet rushed into a breach 
in the Union Hne and swept it with a great big 
besom of wrath with which he had wisely pro- 
vided himself on starting out. Rosecrans felt 
mortified when he came to himself and found that 
his horse had been so unmanageable that he had 
carried him ten miles from the carnage. 

But the left, under Thomas, held fast its posi- 
tion, and no doubt saved the little band of sixty 
thousand men which Rosecrans commanded at the 
time. 

His army now found itself shut up in intrench- 
ments, with Bragg on the hills threatening the 
Union forces with starvation. 

On November 24-25 a battle near Chattanooga 
took place, with Grant at the head of the Federal 
forces. Hooker came to join him from the Army 
of the Potomac, and Sherman hurried to his 
standard from luka. Thomas made a dash and 
captured Orchard Knob, and Hooker, on the fol- 
lowing day, charged Lookout Mountain. 

This was the most brilliant, perhaps, of Grant's 
victories. It is known as the " battle of Missionary 
Ridge." Hooker had exceeded his prerogative 
and kept on after capturing the crest of Lookout 
Mountain, while Sherman was giving the foe 
several varieties of fits, from the north, when 
Grant discovered that before him the line was 



2/8 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

being weakened in order to help the Confederate 
flanks. So with Thomas he crossed through the 
first line and over the rifle-pits, forgot that he had 
intended to halt and reform, and concluded to 
wait and reform after the war was over, when he 
should have more time, and that night along the 
entire line of heights the camp-fires of the Union 
army winked at one another in ghoulish glee. 

The army under Bragg w^as routed, and Bragg 
resigned his command. 

Burnside, who had been relieved of the com- 
mand of the Army of the Potomac, was sent to 
East Tennessee, where the brave but frost-bitten 
troops of Longstreet shut him up at Knoxville 
and compelled him to board at the railroad eating- 
house there. 

Sherman's worn and weary boys were now or- 
dered at once to the relief of Burnside. and Long- 
street, getting word of it, made a furious assault 
on the former, who repulsed him with loss, and he 
went away from there as Sherman approached 
from the west. 

Hooker had succeeded Burnside in the com- 
mand of the Army of the Potomac, and he judged 
that, as Lee was now left with but sixty thousand 
men, while the Army of the Potomac contained 
one hundred thousand who craved out-of-door 
exercise, he might do well to go and get Lee, 
returning in the cool of the evening. Lee, how> 



STILL MORE FRATERNAL BLOODSHED. 279 

ever, accomplished the division of his army while 
concealed in the woods and sent Jackson to fall 
on Hooker's rear. The close of the fight found 
Hooker on his old camping-ground opposite Fred- 







"WHERB AM I 



ericksbtfrg, murmuring to himself, in a dazed sort 
of way, ''Where am I?" Lee felt so good over 
this that he decided to go North and get something 
to eat. He also decided to get catalogues and 
price-lists of Philadelphia and New York while 
there. Threatening Baltimore in order to mislead 



28o HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

General Meade, who was now in command of the 
Federals, Lee struck into Pennsylvania and met 
with the Union cavalry a little west of Gettysburg 
on the Chambersburg road. It is said that Gettys- 
burg was not intended by either army as the site 
for the battle, Lee hoping to avoid a fight, depend- 
ing as he did on the well-known hospitality of the 
Pennsylvanians, and Meade intending to have the 
fight at Pipe Creek, where he had some property. 

July 1-2-3 were the dates of this memorable 
battle. The first day was rather favorable to Lee, 
quite a number of Yankee prisoners being taken 
while they were lost in the crowded streets of 
Gettysburg. 

The second day was opened by Longstreet, who 
charged the Union left, and ran across Sickles, 
who had by mistake formed in the way of Meade's 
intended line of battle. They outflanked him, 
but, as they swung around him, Warren met them 
with a dij'jolical welcome, which stayed them. 
Sickles '" and himself on Cemetery Ridge, while 
the Cr ifederates under Ewell were on Culp's Hill. 

O' the third day, at one p.m., Lee opened with 
one hundred and fif-y guns on Cemetery Ridge. 
The air was a hornet's nest of screaming shells 
with fiery tails. As it l.iiled a little, out of the 
woods came eighteen thousand men in battle-array 
extending over a mile in length. The Yankees 
knew a good thing when they saw it, and they 



STILL MORE FRATERNAL BLOODSHED. 28 1 

paused to admire this beautiful gathering of foe- 
men in whose veins there flowed the same blood 
as in their own, and whose ancestors had stood 
shoulder to shoulder with their own in a hundred 
battles for freedom. 

Their sentiment gave place to shouts of battle, 
and into the silent phalanx a hundred guns poured 
their red-hot messages of death. The golden 
grain was drenched with the blood of men no less 
brave because they were not victorious, and the 
rich fields of Pennsylvania drank with thirsty 
eagerness the warm blood of many a Southern 
son. 

Yet they moved onward. Volley after volley 
of musketry mowed them down, and the puny 
reaper in the neglected grain gave place to the 
grim reaper Death, all down that unwavering line 
of gray and brown. 

They marched up to the Union breastworks, 
bayoneted the gunners at their work, planted their 
flags on the parapets, and, while the Federals con- 
verged from every point to this, exploding powder 
burned the faces of these contending hosts, who, 
hand to hand, fought each other to death, while 
far-away widows and orphans multiplied to mourn 
through the coming years over this ghastly folly 
of civil war. 

Whole companies of the Confederates rushed 
as prisoners into the arms of their enemies, and 

34* 



282 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

the shattered remnant of the battered foe retreated 
from the field. 

While all this was going on in Pennsylvania, 
Pemberton was arranging terms of surrender at 
Vicksburg, and from this date onward the Con- 
federacy began to wobble in its orbit, and the 
President of this ill-advised but bitterly punished 
scheme began to wish that he had been in Canada 
when the war broke out. 

In April of the same year Admiral Dupont, an 
able seaman with massive whiskers, decided to 
run the fortifications at Charleston with iron-clads, 
but the Charleston people thought they could run 
them themselves. So they drove him back after 
the sinking of the Kennebec and the serious 
injury of all the other vessels. 

General Gillmore then landed with troops. Fort 
Wagner was captured. The 54th Regiment of 
colored troops, the finest organized in the Free 
States, took a prominent part and fought with 
great coolness and bravery. By December there 
were fifty thousand colored troops enlisted, and 
before the war closed over two hundred thousand. 

It is needless to say that this made the Yankee 
unpopular at the time in the best society of the 
South. 

General Gillmore attempted to capture Sumter, 
and did reduce it to a pulp, but when he went to 
gather it he was met by a garrison still concealed 



STILL MORE FRATERNAL BLOODSHED. 283 



in the basement, and peppered 
with volleys of hot shingle 
nails and other bric-A-brac 
which forced him 
to retire with loss. 

He said after- 
ward that Fort 
Sumter was not 
desirable any- 
how. 

This closed 
the most mem- 
orable year of 
the war, with the 
price of living at 
the South run- 
ning up to eight 
hundred and nine 
hundred dollars 




PRICK or LIVING KUNNING UP TO HIGH I HUMUHHl) AND KINB 
HUNDRED DOLLARS PEK DAY. 



per day, and cur- 
rency depreciating so rapidly that one's salary 
had to be advaced every morning in order to keep 
pace with the price of mule-steaks. 



CHAPTER XXVIII. 

LAST YEAR OF THE DISAGREEABLE WAR. 

GENERAL GRANT was now in command 
of all the Union troops, and in 1 864-5 ^^^ 
plan of operation was to prevent the junc- 
tion of the Confederates, — General Grant seeking 
to interest the army in Virginia under General 
Lee, and General Sherman the army of General 
Joseph E, Johnston in Georgia. 

Sherman started at once, and came upon 
Johnston located on almost impregnable hills all 
the way to Atlanta. The battles of Dalton, 
Resaca, Dallas, Lost Mountain, and Kenesaw 
Mountain preceded Johnston's retreat to the in- 
trenchments of Atlanta, July 10, Sherman having 
been on the move since early in May, 1864. 

Jefferson Davis, disgusted with Johnston, placed 
Hood in command, who made three heroic attacks 
upon the Union troops, but was repulsed. .Sher- 
man now gathered fifteen days' rations from the 
neighbors, and, throwing his forces across Hood's 
line of supplies, compelled him to evacuate the 
city. 

The historian says that Sherman was entirely 

284 



LAST YEAR OF THE DISAGREEABLE WAR. 285 

supplied from Nashville via railroad during this 
trip, but the author knows of his own personal 
knowledge that there w^ere times when he got his 
fresh provisions along the road. 

This expedition cost the Union army thirty- 
thousand men and the Confederates thirty-five 




GBTTING FRESH PROVISIONS ALONG THE ROAD. 

thousand. Besides, Georgia was the Confederacy, 
so far as arms, Sfrain, etc., were concerned. Sher- 
man attributed much of his success to the fact that 
he could repair and operate the railroad so rapidly. 
Among his men were Yankee machinists and en- 
gineers, who were as necessary as courageous 
fighters. 



o 



286 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

"We are held here during many priceless; 
hours," said the general, "because the enemy has 
spoiled this passenger engine. Who knows any- 
thing about repairing an engine?" 

"I do," said a dusty tramp in blue. "I can 
repair this one in an hour." 

" What makes you think so ?" 

"Well, I made it." 

This was one of the strong features of Sher 
man's army. Among the hundred thousand who 
composed it there were so many active brains and 
skilled hands that the toot of the engine caught 
the heels of the last echoing shout of the battle. 

Learning that Hood proposed to invade Tennes 
see, Sherman prepared to march across Georgia 
to the sea, and if necessary to tramp through the 
Atlantic States. 

Hood was sorry afterwards that he invaded 
Tennessee. He shut Thomas up in Nashville 
after a battle with Schofield, and kept the former 
in-doors for two weeks, when all of a sudden 
Thomas exclaimed, " Air ! air ! give me air !" and 
came out, throwing Hood into headlong flight, 
when the Union cavalry fell on his rear, followed 
by the infantry, and the forty thousand Confed- 
erates became a scattered and discouraged mob 
spread out over several counties. 

The burning of Atlanta preceded Sherman's 
march, and, though one of the saddest features of 



o 



LAST YEAR OF THE DISAGREEABLE WAR. 287 

the war, was believed to be a military necessity. 
Those who declare war hoping to have a summer's 
outing thereby may live to regret it for many 
bitter years. 

On November 16, Sherman started, his army 
moving in four columns, constituting altogether a 
column of fire by night, and a pillar of cloud and 
dust by day. Kilpatrick's caxalry scoured the 
country Hke a mass meeting of ubiquitous little 
black Tennessee hornets. 

In five weeks Sherman had marched three hun- 
dred miles, had destroyed two railroads, had 
stormed Fort McAllister, and had captured Sa- 
vannah. 

On the 5th and 6th of May, 1864, occurred the 
battle of the Wilderness, near the old battle- 
ground of Chancellorsville. No one could de- 
scribe it, for it was fought in the dense woods, 
and the two days of useless butchery with not the 
slightest signs of civilized warfare sickened both 
armies, and, with no victory for either, they retired 
to their intrenchments. 

Grant, instead of retreating, however, quietly 
passed the flank of the Confederates and started 
for Spottsylvania Court-House, where a battle 
occurred May 8-12. 

Here the two armies fought five days without 
any advantage to either. It was at this time that 
Grant sent his celebrated despatch stating that he 



288 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

" proposed to fight it out on this Hne if it took all 
summer." 

Finally he sought to turn Lee's right flank. 
June 8, the battle of Cold Harbor followed this 
movement. The Union forces were shot down in 
the mire and brush by Lee's troops, now snugly 
in out of the wet, behind the Cold Harbor de- 
fences. One historian says that in twenty minutes 
ten thousand Yankee troops were killed ; though 
Badeau, whose accuracy in counting dead has 
always been perfectly marvellous, admits only 
seven thousand in all. 

Grant now turned his attention towards Peters- 
burg, but Lee was there before him and intrenched, 
so the Union army had to intrench. This only 
postponed the evil day, however. 

Things now shaped themselves into a siege of 
Richmond, with Petersburg as the first outpost of 
the besieged capital. 

On the 30th of July, eight thousand pounds of 
powder were carefully inserted under a Confed- 
erate fort and the entire thing hoisted in the air, 
leaving a huge hole, in which, a few hours after- 
wards, many a boy in blue met his death, for in 
the assault which followed the explosion the Union 
soldiers were mowed down by the concentrated 
fire of the Confederates. The Federals threw 
away four thousand lives here. 

On the 1 8th of August the Weldon Railroad 



LAST YEAR OF THE DISAGREEABLE WAR. 289 

was captured, which was a great advantage to 
Grant, and, though several efforts were made to 
recapture it, they were unsuccessful. 




PAUSING TO GET LAUNDRV-WORK DONB. 



General Early was delegated to threaten Wash- 
ington and scare the able officers of the army who 
were stopping there at that time talking politics 
and abusing Grant. He defeated Gen end Wal- 
lace at Monocacy River, and appeared before Fort 



25 



290 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Stevens, one of the defences of Washington. July 
1 1 . Had he whooped right along instead of paus- 
ing a day somewhere to get laundry-work done 
before entering Washington, he would easily have 
captured the city. 

Reinforcements, however, got there ahead of 
him. and he had to go back. He sent a force of 
cavalry into Pennsylvania, where they captured 
Chambersbure and burned it on failure of the 
town trustees to pay five hundred thousand dol- 
lars ransom. 

General Sheridan was placed in charge of the 
troops here, and defeated Early at Winchester, 
riding twenty miles in twenty minutes, as per 
poem. At Fisher's Hill he was also victorious. 
He devastated the Valley of the Shenandoah to 
such a degree that a crow passing the entire 
length of the valley had to carry his dinner with 
him. 

It was, however, at the battle of Cedar Creek 
that Sheridan was twenty miles away, according 
to historical prose. Why he was twenty miles 
away, various and conflicting reasons are given, 
but on his orood horse Rienzi he arrived in time to 
turn defeat and rout into victoiy and hilarity. 

Rienzi. after the war, died in eleven States. 
He was a black horse, with a saddle-gall and a 
flashing eye. 

He passed away at his home in Chicago at lasf 



LAST YEAH OF THE DISAGREEABLE WAR. 291 

in poverty^ while waiting for a pension applied for 
on the grounds of founder and lampers brought 
on by eating too heartily after the battle and while 
warm, but in the line of duty. 

The Red River campaign under General Banks 
was a joint naval and land expedition, resulting 
in the capture of I'ort de Russy, March 14, after 
which. April 8. the troops marching towards 
Shreveport in very open order, single file or 
holding one another's hands and singing "John 
Brown's Body." were attacked by General Dick 
Taylor, and if Washington had not been so far 
away and through a hostile country, Bull Run 
would have had another rival. But the boys ral- 
lied, and next day repulsed the Confederates, 
after which they returned to New Orleans, where 
board was more reasonable. General Banks ob- 
tained quite a relief at this time : he was relieved 
of his command. 

August 5, Commodore Farragut captured Mo- 
bile, after a neat and attractive naval fight, and 
on the 24th and 25th of December Commodore 
Porter and General Butler started out to take 
Fort Fisher. After two days' bombardment, But- 
ler decided that there were other forts to be had 
on better terms, and returned. Afterwards Gen- 
eral Terry commanded the second expedition, 
Porter having remained on hand with his vessels 
to assist. January 15, 1865, the most heroic fight- 



292 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

ing on both sides resulted, and at last, completely 
hemmed in, the brave and battered garrison sur- 
rendered ; but no one who was there need blush 
to say so, even to-day. 

At the South at this time coffee was fifty dollars 
a pound and gloves were one hundred and fifty 
dollars a pair. Flour was forty dollars a barrel ; 
but you could get a barrel of currency for less 
than that. 

Money was plenty, but what was needed seemed 
to be confidence. Running the blockade was not 
profitable at that time, since over fifteen hundred 
head of Confederate vessels were captured during 
the war. 

The capture of Fort Fisher closed the last port 
of the South, and left the Confederacy no show 
with foreign Powers or markets. 

The Alabama was an armed steam-ship, and 
the most unpleasant feature of the war to the 
Federal government, especially as she had more 
sympathy and aid in England than was asked for 
or expected by the Unionists. However, England 
has since repaid all this loss in various ways. She 
has put from five to eight million dollars into cattle 
on the plains of the Northwest, where the skeletons 
of same may be found bleaching in the summer 
sun ; and I am personally acquainted with six 
Americans now visiting England who can borrow 
enough in a year to make up all the losses sus- 



LAST YEAR OF THE DISAGREEABLE WAR. 293 

tained through the Alabama and other neutral 
vessels. 

Captain Semmes commanded the Alabama, and 
off Cherbourg he sent a challenge to the Kear- 
sarge, commanded by Captain Winslow, who ac- 
cepted it, and so worked his vessel that the Ala- 
bama had to move round him in a circle, while he 
filled her up with iron, lead, copper, tin, German 
silver, glass, nails, putty, paint, varnishes, and 




PERSONALtY ACQUAINTED WITH SIX AMRRICANS. 

dye-stuff. At the seventh rotation the Alabama 
ran up the white flag and sunk with a low mellow 
plunk. The crew was rescued by Captain Wins- 
low and the English yacht Deerhound, the latter 
taking Semmes and starting for England. 

This matter, however, was settled in after-years. 

The care of the sick, the dying, and the dead 
in the Union armies was almost entirely under 
the eye of the merciful and charitable, loyal and 
loving members of the Sanitary and Christian 



294 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Commissions, whose work and its memory kept 
green in the hearts of the survivors and their 
children will be monument enough for the coming 
centuries. 

In July, 1 864, the debt of the country was two 
billion dollars and twenty cents. Two dollars and 
ninety cents in greenbacks would buy a reluctant 
gold dollar. 

Still, Abraham Lincoln was re-elected against 
George B. McClellan, the Democratic candidate, 
who carried only three States. This was endorse- 
ment enough for the policy of President Lincoln. 

Sherman's army of sixty thousand, after a 
month's rest at Savannah, started north to unite 
with Grant in the final blow. " Before it was 
terror, behind it ashes." 

Columbia was captured February 1 7. and 
burned, without Sherman's authority, the night 
following. Charleston was evacuated the next 
day. Johnston was recalled to take command, 
and opposed the march of Sherman, but was 
driven back after fierce engagements at Benton- 
ville and Averysboro. On March 25 Lee de- 
cided to attack Grant, and, while the latter was 
busy, get out of Richmond and join Johnston, but 
when this battle, known as the attack on Fort 
Steadman, was over, Grant's hold was tighter 
than ever. 

Sheridan attacked Lee's rear with a heavy 



LAST YEAR OF THE DISAGREEABLE WAR. 295 

force, and at Five Forks, April i, the surprised 
garrison was defeated with five thousand cap- 
tured. The next day the entire Union army ad- 
vanced, and the Hne of Confederate intrenchments 
was broken. On the following day Petersburg 
and Richmond were evacuated, but Mr. Davis 
was not there. He had gone away. Rather than 
meet General Grant and entertain him when there 
was no pie in the house, he and the Treasury 
had escaped from the haunts of man, wishing to 
commune with nature for a while. He was cap- 
tured at Irwinsville, Georgia, under peculiar and 
rather amusing circumstances. 

He was never punished, with the exception per- 
haps that he published a book and did not realize 
anything from it. 

Lee fled to the westward, but was pursued by 
the triumphant Federals, especially by Sheridan, 
whose cavalry hung on his flanks day and night. 
Food failed the fleeing foe, and the young shoots 
of trees for food and the larger shoots of the 
artillery between meals were too much for that 
proud army, once so strong and confident. 

Let us not dwell on the particulars. 

As Sheridan planted his cavalry squarely across 
Lee's path of retreat, the worn but heroic tatters 
of a proud army prepared to sell themselves for a 
bloody ransom and go down fighting, but Grant 
had demanded their surrender, and, seeing back 



296 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

of the galling-, skirmishing cavalry solid walls of 
confident infantry, the terms of surrender were 
accepted by General Lee, and April 9 the Con^ 
federate army stacked its arms near Appomattox 
Court-House. 

The Confederate war debt was never paid, for 
some reason or other, but the Federal debt when 
it was feeling the best amounted to two billion 
eight hundred and forty-four million dollars. One 
million men lost their lives. 

Was it worth while ? 

In the midst of the general rejoicing, President 
Lincoln was assassinated by John Wilkes Booth 
at Ford's Theatre, April 14. The assassin was 
captured in a dying condition in a burning barn, 
through a crack in the boarding of which he had 
been shot by a soldier named Boston Corbett. 
He died with no sympathetic applause to soothe 
the dull, cold ear of death. 

West Virginia was admitted to the Union in 
1863, and Nevada in 1864. 

The following chapters will be devoted to more 
peaceful details, while we cheerfully close the sor- 
rowful pages in which we have confessed that, with 
all our greatness as a nation, we could not stay 
the tide of war. 



CHAPTER XXIX. 

TOO MUCH LIBERTY IN PLACES AND NOT ENOUGH 

ELSEWHERE. THOUGHTS ON THE LATE WAR 

WHO IS THE BIGGER ASS, THE MAN WHO WILL 
NOT FORGIVE AND FORGET, OR THE MAWKISH 
AND MOIST-EYED SNIVELLER WHO WANTS TO DO 
THAT ALL THE TIME? 

WHEN Patrick Henry put his old cast-iron 
spectacles on the top of his head and 
whooped for liberty, he did not know 
that some day we should have more of it than we 
knew what to do with. He little dreamed that 
the time would come when we should have more 
liberty than we could pay for. When Mr. Henry 
sawed the air and shouted for liberty or death, I 
do not believe that he knew the time would come 
when Liberty would stand on Bedloe's Island and 
yearn for rest and change of scene. 

It seems to me that we have too much liberty 
in this country in some ways. We have more 
liberty than we have money. We guarantee that 
every man in America shall fill himself up full of 
liberty at our expense, and the less of an Amer- 
ican he is the more liberty he can have. Should 

297 



298 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



he desire to enjoy himself, all he needs is a slight 
foreign accent and a willingness to mix up with 




PATRICK HBNRY'S GRBAT &PBBCH. 



politics as soon as he can get his baggage off the 
steamer. The more I study American institutions 
the more I regret that I was not born a foreigner, 



THOUGHTS ON THE LATE WAR, 



299 



SO that I could have something to say about the 
management of our great land. If I could not 
be a foreigner, I believe I should prefer to be a 
policeman or an Indian not taxed. 

I am often led to ask, in the language of the 
poet, " Is civilization a failure, and is the Caucasian 
played out?" 

Almost every one can have a good deal of 
fun in America except the 
American. He seems to be 
so busy paying his taxes that 
he has very little time to vote, 
or to mingle in society's giddy 
whirl, or to mix up with the 
nobility. That is the reason 
why the alien who rides 
across the United States in 
the "Limited Mail " and 
writes a book about us 
before breakfast won- 
ders why we are always 
in a hurry. That also 
is the reason why we 
have to throw our meals 
into ourselves with such 
despatch, and hardly 
have time to maintain 
a warm personal friend- 
ship with our families. ''"^ """^ ' ^^""""^oKLio^fiL "'*' ''°'' ''°'"' " 




300 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

We do not care much for wealth, but we must 
have freedom, and freedom costs money. We 
have advertised to furnish a bunch of freedom to 
every man, woman, and child who comes to our 
shores, and we are going to deliver the goods 
whether we have any left for ourselves or not. 

What would the great world beyond the seas 
say to us if some day the blue-eyed Oriental, with 
his heart full of love for our female seminaries and 
our old women's homes, should land upon our 
coasts and crave freedom in car-load lots but find 
that we were using all the liberty ourselves ? But 
what do we want of liberty, anyhow ? What 
could we do with it if we had it ? It takes a man 
of leisure to enjoy liberty, and we have no leisure 
whatever. It is a good thing to keep in the house 
for the use of guests, but we don't need it for 
ourselves. 

Therefore we have a statue of Liberty Enlight- 
ening the World, because it shows that we keep 
Liberty on tap winter and summer. We want 
the whole broad world to remember that when 
it gets tired of oppression it can come here to 
America and oppress us. We are used to it, and 
we ruther like it. If we don't like it, we can get 
on the steamer and go abroad, where we may 
visit the effete monarchies and have a high old 
time. 

The sight of the Goddess of Liberty standing 



THOUGHTS ON THE LATE WAR. 



301 



there in New York harbor night and day, bathing 
her feet in the rippling sea, is a good thing. It is 
first-rate. It may also be productive of good in a 
direction that many have not thought of. As she 




MAY BE LKD TO TRY IT ON HIMSELF. 



Stands there day after day, bathing her feet in the 
broad Atlantic, perhaps some moss-grown alien 
landing on our shore and moving toward the Far 
West may fix the bright picture in his so-called 
mind, and, remembering how, on his arrival in 
New York, he saw Liberty bathing her feet with 



302 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

impunity, he may be led in after-years to try it on 
himself. 

More citizens and less voters will some day be 
adopted as the motto of the Republic. 

One reference to the late war, and I will close. 
I want to refer especially to the chronic reconciler 
who when war was declared was not involved in 
it, but who now improves every opportunity, espe- 
cially near election-time, to get out a tired olive- 
branch and make a tableau of himself He is 
worse than the man who cannot forgive or forget. 

The growth of reconciliation between the North 
and the South is the slow growth of years, and 
the work of generations. When any man. North 
or South, in a public place takes occasion to talk 
in a mellow and mawkish way of the great love 
he now has for his old enemy, watch him. He is 
getting ready to ask a favor. There is a beau- 
tiful, poetic idea in the reunion of two contending 
and shattered elements of a great nation. There 
is something beautifully pathetic in the picture of 
the North and the South clasped in each other's 
arms and shedding a torrent of hot tears down 
each other's backs as it is done in a play, but do 
you believe that the aged mothers on either side 
have learned to love the foe with much violence 
yet? Do you believe that the crippled veteran, 
North or South, now passionately loves the adver- 
sary who robbed him of his glorious youth, made 



THOUGHTS ON THE LATE WAR. 303 

him a feeble ruin, and mowed down liis comrades 
with swift death? Do you beHeve that either 
warrior is so fickle that he has entirely deserted 
the cause for which he fought ? Even the victor 
cannot ask that. 

"Let the gentle finger of time undo, so far as 
may be, the devastation wrought by the war, and 
let succeeding generations seek through natural 
methods to reunite the business and the traffic 
that were interrupted by the war. Let the South 
guarantee to the Northern investor security to 
himself and his investment, and he will not ask 
for the love which we read of in speeches but do 
not expect and do not find in the South. 

''Two warring parents on the verge of divorce 
have been saved the disgrace of separation and 
agreed to maintain their household for the sake 
of their children. Their love has been questioned 
by the world, and their relations strained. Is it 
not bad taste for them to pose in public and 
make a cheap Romeo and Juliet tableau of them- 
selves ? 

"Let time and merciful silence obliterate the 
scars of war, and succeeding generations, fostered 
by the smiles of national prosperity, soften the 
bitterness of the past and mellow the memory of 
a mighty struggle in which each contending host 
called upon Almighty God to sustain the cause 
which it honestly believed to be just." 



304 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Let US be contented during this generation with 
the assurance that geographically the Union has 
been preserved, and that each contending warrior 
has once more taken up the peaceful struggle for 
bettering and beautifying the home so bravely 
fought for. 



CHAPTER XXX. 

RECONSTRUCTION WITHOUT PAIN ADMINISTRATIONS 

OF JOHNSON AND GRANT. 

IT was feared that the return of a million Fed- 
eral soldiers to their homes after the four 
years of war would make serious trouble 
in the North, but they were very shortly adjusted 
to their new lives and attending to the duties 
which peace imposed upon them. 

The war of the Rebellion was disastrous to 
nearly every branch of trade, but those who re- 
mained at home to write the war-songs of the 
North did well. Some of these efforts were 
worthy, and, buoyed up by a general feeling of 
robust patriotism, they floated on to success ; but 
few have stood the test of years and monotonous 
peace. The author of " Mother, I am hollow to 
the ground" is just depositing his profits from its 
sale in the picture given on next page. The 
second one, wearing the cape-overcoat tragedy 
air, wrote "Who will be my laundress now ?" 

Andrew Johnson succeeded to Mr. Lincoln's 
seat, having acted before as his vice. 

A great review of the army, lasting twelve 
u 26* 305 



3o6 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



hours, was arranged to take place in Washington^ 
consisting of the armies of Grant and Sherman. 
It was reviewed by the President and Cabinet ; it 
extended over thirty miles twenty men deep, and 
constituted about one-fifth of the Northern army 
at the time peace was declared. 




THE STAY-AT-HOMES WHO WROTE WAR-SONGS. 

President Johnson recognized the State govern- 
ments existing in Virginia, Tennessee, Arkansas, 
and Louisiana, but instituted provisional govern- 
ments for the other States of the defeated Con- 
federacy, as it seemed impossible otherwise to 
bring order out of the chaos which war and finan- 
cial distress had brought about. He authorized 
the assembly also of loyal conventions to elect 



RECONSTRUCTION WITHOUT PAIN. 307 

State and other officers, and pardoned by procla- 
mation evei^body, with the exception of a certain 
class of the late insurgents whom he pardoned 
personally. 

On Christmas Day, 1868, a Universal Amnesty 
was declared. The Thirteenth Amendment, abol- 
ishing slavery, became a part of the Constitution, 
December 18, 1865, and the former masters found 
themselves still morally responsible for these 
colored people, without the right to control them 
or even the money with which to employ them. 

The annual interest on the national debt at this 
time amounted to one hundred and fifty million 
dollars. Yet the Treasury paid this, together 
with the expenses of government, and reduced 
the debt seventy-one million dollars before the 
volunteer army had been fully discharged in 1866. 

Comment on such recuperative power as that is 
unnecessary ; for the generation that fights a four- 
years war costing over two biflions of dollars 
generally leaves the debt for another generation 
or another century to pay. 

Congress met finally, ignored the President's 
rollicking welcome to the seceded States, and over 
his veto proceeded to pass various laws regarding 
their admission, such as the Civil Rights and 
Freedman's Bureau Bills. 

Tennessee returned promptly to the Union 
under the Constitutional Amendments, but the 



308 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Others did not till the nightmare of Reconstruction 
had been added to the horrors of war. In 1868, 
after much time worse than wasted in carpet-bag 
government and a mob reign in the South which 
imperilled her welfare for many years after it was 
over, by frightening investors and settlers long 
after peace had been restored, representatives 
began to come into Congress under the laws. 

During this same year the hostilities between 
Congress and the President culminated in an effort 
to impeach the latter. He escaped by one vote. 

It is very likely that the assassination of Lincoln 
was the most unfortunate thing that happened to 
the Southern States. While he was not a warrior, 
he was a statesman, and no gentler hand or more 
willing brain could have entered with enthusiasm 
into the adjustment of chaotic conditions, than his. 

The Fourteenth Amendment, a bright little bon 
mot, became a law June 28, 1868, and was written 
in the minutes of Congress, so that people could 
go there and refresh their memories regarding it. 
It guaranteed civil rights to all. regardless of race, 
color, odor, wildness or wooliness whatsoever, and 
allows all noses to be counted in Congressional 
representations, no matter what angle they may 
be at or what the color may be. 

Some American citizens murmur at taxation 
without representation, but the negro murmurs at 
representation without remuneration. 



RECONSTRUCTION WITHOUT PAIN. 309 

The Fenian excitement of 1866 died out without 
much loss of life. 

In October, 1867, Alaska was purchased from 
Russia for seven million two hundred thousand 
dollars. The ice-crop since then would more than 
pay for the place, and it has also a water-power 
and cranberry marsh on it. 

The rule of the Imperialists in F'rance prompted 
the appointment of Maximilian, Archduke of 
Austria, as Emperor of Mexico, supported by the 
French army. The Americans, still sore and in 
debt at the heels of their own war, pitied the help- 
less Mexicans, and, acting on the principles enunci- 
ated in the Monroe Doctrine, demanded the recall 
of Maximilian, who, deserted finally by his foreign 
abettors, was defeated and as a prisoner shot by 
the Mexicans, June 19. 1867. 

The Atlantic cable was laid from Valentia Bay 
in Ireland to Heart's Content, Newfoundland, 
one thousand eight hundred and sixty-four miles, 
and the line from New York to the latter place 
built in 1856. a distance of one thousand miles, 
making in all, as keen mathematicians will see, 
two thousand eight hundred and sixty-four miles. 

A very agreeable commercial treaty with China 
was arranged in 1868. 

Grant and Colfax, Republicans, succeeded 
Andrew Johnson in the next election, Horatio 
Seymour, of New York, and Frank P. Blair, of 



310 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Missouri, being the Democratic nominees. Vir- 
ginia and Mississippi had not been fully recon- 
structed, and so were not yet permitted to vote. 
They have squared the matter up since, however, 
by voting with great enthusiasm. 

In 1869 the Pacific Railroad was completed, 
whereby the trip from the Adantic to the Pacific — 
three thousand and three hundred miles — might 
be made in a week. It also attracted the Asiatic 
trade, and tea, silk, spices, and leprosy found a 
new market in the land of the free and the home 
of the brave. 

Still flushed with its success in humorous legis- 
lation, Congress, on the 30th of March, 1870, 
passed the Fifteenth Amendment, giving to the 
colored men the right tc vote. It then became a 
part of the Constitution, and people who have 
seen it there speak very highly of it. 

Prosperity now attracted no attention whatever. 
Gold, worth nearly three dollars at the close of 
the war, fell to a dollar and ten cents, and the 
debt during the first two years of this administra- 
tion was reduced two hundred million dollars. 

Genuine peace reigned in the entire Republic, 
and o'er the scarred and shell-torn fields of the 
South there waved, in place of hostile banners, 
once more the cotton and the corn. The red 
foliage of the gum-tree with the white in the 
snowy white cotton-fields and the blue-grass of 



RECONSTRUCTION WITHOUT PAIN. 311 

Kentucky (blue-grass is not, strictly speaking, 
blue enough to figure in the national colors, but 
the author has taken out a poetic license which 
does not expire for over a year yet, and he there- 
fore under its permission is allowed a certain 
amount of idiocy) showed that the fields had 
never forgotten their loyalty to the national 
colors. Peace under greatly changed conditions 
resumed her vocations, and, in the language of 
the poet, — 

" There were domes of white blossoms where swelled the white 

tent; 
There were ploughs in the track where the war-wagons went; 
There were songs where they lifted up Rachel's lament." 

October 8. 1871, occurred the great fire in 
Chicago, raging for forty-eight hours and devas- 
tating three thousand acres of the city. Twenty- 
five thousand buildings were burned, and two 
hundred million dollars' worth of property. One 
hundred thousand people lost their houses, and 
over seven and one-half millions of dollars were 
raised for those who needed it, all parts of the 
world uniting to improve the joyful opportunity 
to do good, without a doubt of its hearty appre- 
ciation. 

Boston also had a seventy-million dollar fire in 
the heart of the wholesale trade, covering sixty 
acres ; and in the prairie and woods fires of Wis- 
consin, Minnesota, and Michia-an. many people 



312 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

lost not only their homes but their lives. Fifteen 
hundred people perished in Wisconsin alone. 

In 1 87 1 the damage done by the Alabama, a 
British-built ship, and several other cruisers sent 
out partly to facilitate the cotton trade and partly 
to do a little fighting when a Federal vessel came 
that way, was assessed at fifteen million five hun 
dred thousand dollars against Great Britain by 
the arbitrators who met at Geneva, Switzerland, 
and the northwestern boundary line between the 
United States and British America was settled by 
arbitration, the Emperor of Germany acting as 
arbitrator and decidinor in favor of America. 

This showed that people who have just wound 
up a big war have often learned some valuable 
sense ; not two billion dollars' worth, perhaps, but 
some. 

San Domingo was reported for sale, and a com- 
mittee looked at it, priced it, etc., but Congress 
decided not to buy it. 

The Liberal Republican party, or that element 
of the original party which was opposed to the 
administration, nominated Horace Greeley, of 
New York, while the old party renominated Gen- 
eral Grant for the term to succeed himself The 
latter was elected, and Mr. Greeley did not long 
survive his defeat. 

The Modoc Indians broke loose in the early 
part of Grant's second term, and, leaping from 



314 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

their lava-beds early in the morning, Shacknasty 
Jim and other unlaundried children of the forest 
raised merry future punishment, and the govern- 
ment, always kind, always loving and sweet toward 
the red brother, sent a peace commission with pop- 
corn balls and a gentle-voiced parson to tell Shack- 
nasty James and Old Stand-up-and-Sit-down that 
the white father at Washington loved them and 
wanted them all to come and spend the summer 
at his house, and also that by sin death came into 
the world, and that we were all primordial germs 
at first, and that we should look up. not down, 
look out, not in, look forward, not backward, and 
lend a hand. 

It was at this moment that Early-to-Bed-and 
Early-to-Rise-Black Hawk and Shacknasty James, 
thinking that this thing had gone far enough, 
killed General Canby and wounded both Mr. 
Meacham and Rev. Dr. Thomas, who had never 
had an unkind thought toward the Modocs in their 
lives. 

The troops then allowed their ill temper to get 
the best of them, and asked the Modocs if they 
meant anything personal by their action, and. 
learning that they did, the soldiers did what with 
the proper authority they would have done at first, 
bombarded the children of the forest and mussed 
up their lava-beds so that they were glad to sur- 
render. 



RECONSTRUCTION WITHOUT PAIN. S^S 

In 1873 a panic occurred after the failure of Jay 
Cooke & Co., of Philadelphia, and a money strin- 
gency followed, the Democrats attributing it a 
good deal to the party in power, just as cheap 
Republicans twenty years later charged the Demo- 




TALKING ABOUT THE CENTENNIAL. 



cratic administration with this same thing. Incon- 
sistency of this kind keeps good men, like the 
writer, out of politics, and turns their attention 
toward the contemplation of a better land. 

In 1875 Centennial Anniversaries began to ripen 
and continued to fall off the different branches of 
government, according to the history of events so 



3l6 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

graphically set forth in the preceding pages. They 
were duly celebrated by a happy and self-made 
people. The Centennial Exposition at Philadel- 
phia in 1876 was a marked success in every way, 
nearly ten millions of people having visited it, 
who claimed that it was well worth the price of 
admission. 

Aside from the fact that these ten millions of 
people had talked about it to millions of folks at 
home, — or thought they had, — the Exposition was 
a boon to every one, and thousands of Americans 
went home with a knowledge of their country that 
they had never had before, and pointers on blow- 
ing out gas which saved many lives in after-years. 




MOVE ON, MAROON BROTHER, MOVE ON ! 



CHAPTER XXXI. 



CLOSING CHRONICLES. 



IN 1876 the peaceful Sioux took an outing, 
having refused to go to their reservation in 
accordance with the treaty made with the 
Great Father at Washington. D. C, and regular 
troops were sent against them. 

General Custer, with the 7th Regiment, led the 
advance, and General Terry aimed for the rear of 
the children of the forest up the Big Horn. Here, 
on the 25th of June, without assistance, and with 

27* _2«5 



3l8 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

characteristic courage, General Custer attacked 
the enemy, sending Colonel Reno to fall on the 
rear of the village. 

Scarcely enough of Custer's own command with 
him at the time lived long enough to tell the story 
of the battle. General Custer, his two brothers, 
and his nephew were among the dead. Reno 
held his ground until reinforced, but Custer's 
troops were exterminated. 

It is said that the Sioux rose from the ground 
like bunch-grass and swarmed up the little hill like 
a pest of grasshoppers, mowing down the soldiers 
with the very newest and best weapons of war- 
fare, and leaving nothing at last but the robbed 
and mutilated bodies lying naked in the desolate 
land of the Dakotah. 

The Fenimore Cooper Indian is no doubt a 
brave and highly intellectual person, educated 
abroad, refined and cultivated by foreign travel, 
graceful in the grub dance or scalp walk-around, 
yet tender-hearted as a girl, walking by night fifty- 
seven miles in a single evening to warn his white 
friends of danger. The Indian introduced into 
literature was a bronze Apollo who bathed almost 
constantly and only killed white people who were 
unpleasant and coarse. He dressed in new and 
fresh buckskins, with trimming of same, and his 
sable hair hung glossy and beautiful down the 
coppery billows of muscles on his back. 



CLOSING CHRONICLES. 



319 



The real Indian has the dead and unkempt hair 
of a busted buggy-cushion filled with hen feathers. 
He lies, he steals, he assassinates, he mutilates, 
he tortures. He needs Persian powder long be 
fore he needs the theolog)^ which abler men cannot 




ON HIS WAY TO JOIN THE CAVE-BEAR, THB THREE-TOED HORSE, AND 
THE ICHTHYOSAURUS. 

agree upon. We can. in fact, only retain him as 
we do the buffalo, so long as he complies with the 
statutes. But the red brother is on his way to 
join the cave-bear, the three-toed horse, and the 
ichthyosaurus in the great fossil realm of the his- 
toric past. Move on, maroon brother, move on ! 
Rutherford B. Hayes and William A. Wheeler 
were nominated in the summer of 1 876, and so close 



320 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

was the fight against Samuel J. Tilden and Thomas 
A. Hendricks that friends of the latter to this day 
refer to the selection of Hayes and Wheeler by a 
joint Electoral Commission to whom the contested 
election was referred, as a fraud and larceny on 
the part of the Republican party. It is not the 
part of an historian, who is absolutely destitute of 
political principles, to pass judgment. Facts have 
crept into this history, it is true, but no one could 
regret it more than the author ; yet there has been 
no bias or political prejudice shown, other than 
that reflected from the historical sources whence 
information was necessarily obtained. 

Hayes was chosen, and gave the country an 
unruffled, unbiased administration, devoid of frills, 
and absolutely free from th ince of hostii- 

ity to any one. He was one oi tne most concil- 
iatory Presidents ever elected^gry Republican votes 
or counted in by a joint Electoral Commission. 

He withdrew all troops from the South, and in 
several Southern States things wore a Democratic 
air at once. 

In 1873 Congress demonetized silver, and quite 
a number of business-men were demonetized at 
the same time ; so in 1878 silver was made a legal 
tender for all debts. As a result, in 1879 %'^^ ^^"^ 
the first time in seventeen years sold at par. 

Troubles arose in 1878 over the right to fish in 
the northeast waters, and the treaty at Washinat- 



CLOSING CHRONICLES. 321 

ton resulted in an award to Great Britain of five 
million five hundred thousand dollars, with the 
understanding that wasteful fishing should cease, 
and that as soon as either party got enough for a 
mess he should go home, no matter how well the 
fish seemed to be biting. 

The right to regulate Chinese immigration was 
given by treaty at Pekin. and ever since the China- 
man has entered our enclosures in some myste- 
rious way, made enough in a few years to live 
like a potentate in China, and returned, leaving 
behind a pleasant memory and a chiffonnier here 
and there throughout the country filled with 
scorched shirt-bosoms, acid-eaten collars, and 
white vests with burg^lar-proof, ingrowing pockets 
in them. s'- 

The next nominations for President and Vice- 
President were Janx . A. Garfield, of Ohio, and 
Chester A. Arthur, of New York, on the Repub- 
lican ticket, and Winfield S. Hancock, of Pennsyl- 
vania, and William H. English, of Indiana, on the 
Democratic ticket. James B. Weaver was con- 
nected with this campaign also. Who will tell us 
what he had to do with it ? Can no one tell us 
what James B. Weaver had to do with the cam- 
paign of 1881 ? Very well ; I will tell you what 
he had to do with the campaign of 1 88 1 . 

He was the Presidential candidate on the 
Greenback ticket, but it was kept so quiet that 



322 



HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 



I am not surprised to know that you did not hear 
about it. 

After the inauguration of Garfield the investi- 
gation and annulling of star-route contracts fraud- 
ulently obtained were carried out, whereby two 
million dollars' worth of these corrupt agreements 
were rendered null and void. 

On the morning of July 2, President Garfield 
was shot by a poor, miserable, unbalanced, and 

abnormal growth whose 
name will not be discov- 
ered even in the appendix 
of this work. He was 
^^ tried, convicted, and 
sent squealing into 
eternity. 

The President lin- 
gered patiently for 
two months and a 
half, when he died. 

After the accession 
of President Arthur, 
there occurred floods 
on the lower Missis- 
sippi, whereby one 
hundred thousand people lost 
their homes. The administration 
was not in any way to blame for 

A FUtSON JUMPING FROM IT IS NOT ,, 

ALWAYS KILLED. tUlS. 



DRlD^ 
J WPS a. 

As© iMnpsyfir 
vfltSMTe pel 




CLOSING CHRONTCLES. 323 

In 1883 the Brooklyn Bridge across East River 
was completed and ready for Jumping purposes. 
It was regarded as a great engineering success at 
the time, but it is now admitted that it is not high 
enough. A person jumping from it is not always 
killed. 

The same year the Ci\'il Service Bill became a 
law. It provides that competitive examinations 
shall be made of certain applicants for office, 
whereby mail-carriers must prove that they know 
how to teach school, and guards in United States 
penitentiaries are required to describe how to 
navigate a ship. 

Possibly recent improvements have been made 
by which the curriculum is more fitted to the crime, 
but in the early operations of the law the janitor 
of a jail had to know what length shadow would 
be cast by a pole 18 feet ^y^ inches high on the 
third day of July at 1 1 o'clock 30 min. and 20 
sec. standing on a knoll 35 feet 8^ inches high, 
provided 8 men in 9 days can erect such a pole 
working 8 hours per day. 

In 1883 letter postage was reduced from three 
cents to two cents per half-ounce, and in 1885 to 
two cents per ounce. 

In 1884 Alaska was organized as a Territory, 
and after digging the snow out of Sitka, so that 
the governor should not take cold in his system, 
it was made the seat of governmeifw 



324 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

Chinese immigration in 1882 was forbidden for 
ten years, and in 1884 a treaty with Mexico was 
made, a copy of which is on file in the State De- 
partment, but not allowed to be loaned to the 
author for use in this work. 

Grover Cleveland and Thomas A. Hendricks 
were nominated and elected at the end of Pres- 
ident Arthur's term, running against James G. 
Blaine and John A. Logan, the Republican candi- 
dates, also Benjamin F. Butler and A. M. West, 
of Mississippi, on the People's ticket, and John 
P. St. John and William Daniel on the Prohibition 
ticket. St. John went home and kept bees, so 
that he could have honey to eat on his Kansas 
locusts, and Daniel swore he would never enter 
the performing cage of immoral political wild 
beasts again while reason remained on her throne. 

In 1886 a Presidential succession law was 
passed, whereby on the death of the President 
and the Vice-President the order of succession 
shall be the Secretary of State, the Secretary of 
the Treasury, the Secretary of War, the Attorney- 
General, the Postmaster-General, and the Secre- 
taries of the Navy and of the Interior. This gives 
the Secretary of Agriculture an extremely remote 
and rarefied chance at the Presidency. Still, he 
should be just as faithful to his trust as he would 
be if he were nearer the throne. 

May 4, 1886, occurred a terrible outbreak of 



CLOSING CHRONICLES. 335 

Chicago Anarchists, whereby seven policemen sent 
to preserve order were killed by the bursting of 
an Anarchist's bomb. The Anarchists were tried 
and executed, with the exception of Ling, who ate 
a dynamite capsule and passed into rest having 
had his features, and especially his nose, blown in 
a swift and earnest manner. Death resulted, and 
whiskers and beer-blossoms are still found em- 
bedded in the stone walls of his cell. Those who 
attended the funeral say that Ling from a scenic 
point of view was not a success. 

Governor Altgeld, of Illinois, an amateur Amer- 
ican, in the summer of 1893 pardoned two of the 
Anarchists who had escaped death by imprison- 
ment. 

August 31, [886, in Charleston, occurred several 
terrible earthquake shocks, which seriously dam- 
aged the city and shocked and impaired the nerves 
and health of hundreds of people. 

The noted heroism and pluck of the people of 
Charleston were never shown to greater advan- 
tage than on this occasion. 

Mr. Cleveland was again nominated, but was 

defeated by General Benjamin Harrison, Hon. 

James G. Blaine, of Maine, was made Secretary 

of State, and Wm. Windom, a veteran financier. 

Secretary of the Treasury. Secretary Windom's 

tragic death just as he had finished a most brilliant 

address to the great capitalists of New York after 

28 



326 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

their annual dinner and discussion at Delmonico's 
is, and will ever remain, while life lasts, a most 
dramatic picture in the author's memory. 

Personally, the administration of President Har- 
rison will be long remembered for the number of 
deaths among the families of the Executive and 
those of his Cabinet and friends. 

Nebraska, the thirty-seventh State, was admitted 
March i, 1867. The name signifies "Water Val- 
ley." Colorado, the Centennial State, was the 
thirty-eighth. She was admitted July i, 1876. 
Six other States have been since admitted when 
the political sign was right. Still, they have not 
always stuck by the party admitting them to the 
Union. This is the kind of ingratitude which 
sometimes leads to the reformation of politicians 
supposed to have been dead in sin. 

President Harrison's administration was a thor- 
oughly upright and honest one. so far as it was 
possible for it to be after his party had drifted into 
the musty catacombs of security in office and the 
ship of state had become covered with large and 
expensive barnacles. 

As we go to press, his successor, Grover Cleve- 
land, in the first year of his second administration, 
is paying a high price for fleeting fame, with the 
serious question of what to do with the relative 
coinage of gold and silver, and the Democrats in 
Congress, for the first time in the history of the 



CLOSING CHRONICLES. 327 

world, are referring each other with hot breath 
and flashing eye to the platform they adopted at 
the National Convention. 

Heretofore among the politicians a platform, 
like that on the railway cars, "is made for the 
purpose of helping the party to get aboard, but 
not to ride on." 

The Columbian Exposition and World's Fair at 
Chicago in the summer of 1893 eclipsed all former 
Exhibitions, costing more and showing greater 
artistic taste, especially in its buildings, than any- 
thing preceding it. Some gentle warfare resulted 
from a struggle over the question of opening the 
"White City" on Sunday, and a great deal of 
bitterness was shown by those who opposed the 
opening and who had for years favored the Sun- 
day closing of Niagara. A doubtful victory was 
obtained by the Sunday openers, for so many of 
the exhibitors closed their departments that visit- 
ors did not attend on Sunday in paying quantities. 

Against a thousand odds and over a thousand 
obstacles, especially the apprehension of Asiatic 
cholera and the actual sudden appearance of a 
gigantic money panic, Chicago, heroic and victo- 
rious, carried out her mighty plans and gave to 
the world an exhibition that won golden opinions 
from her friends and stilled in dumb wonder the 
jealousy of her enemies. 

In the mean time, the author begs leave to 



?38 HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES. 

thank his readers for the rapt attention shown in 
perusing these earnest pages, and to apologize for 
the tears of sympathy thoughtlessly wrung trom 
eyes unused to weep, by the graphic word-painting 
and fine education shown by the author. 

It was not the intention of the writer to touch 
the fountain of tears and create wash-outs every- 
where, but sometimes tears do one good. 

In closing, would it be out of place to say that 
the stringency of the money market is most notice- 
able and most painful, and for that reason would 
it be too much trouble for the owner of this book 
to refuse to loan it, thereby encouraging its sale 
and contributing to the comfort of a deserving 
young man ? 



THE END. 



li i 



APPENDIX. 



The idea of an appendix to diis work was 
suggested by a relative, who promised to pre- 
pare it, but who has been detained now for over 
a year in one of the public buildings of Colorado 
on the trumped-up charge of horse-stealing. 
The very fact that he was not at once hanged 
shows that the charge was not fully sustained, 
and that the horse was very likely of little value. 

The Author. 



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